Yes. He does. And he shouldn't. But types like this always put enough good times to keep you hooked. If it were only awful awful awful you'd know and you would leave.

OP, please do give us some examples. Hard to know how much of this is him and how much is your sensitivity level, without specifics.

No, never intentionally hurtful or mean. We do hurt each other, of course, but we don't ever set out to wound.

Can't think of an occasion.

We've been married 16 years and our marriage is happy. We have had our rough times, and our fights. My DH has never said anything mean. Never called me a bad word, or complained about (at one point LOTS) of extra weight, post-baby, that I could not get off.

No, never.

can you give some examples?

No, never. And I don't say mean things to him. We argue here and there, but its over situation ans miscommunications, we never discuss the others' character.

My FIL is awful to my mil, I feel like I'm witnessing abuse when I hear them.

Please go to counseling, you shouldn't have to live with that.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when we're fighting. I think he grew up with that and feels that once the fight is over, all should be forgotten because it's said out of anger and not true. But I can't forget it, and of course things said in anger can be true. It honestly has chipped away at my feelings for him, and I carry around swallowed resentment.

What kinds of things does he say, OP? Does he just shrug it off as just kidding and accuse you of being over-sensitive? Ask him why his "joking" has to involve mean or belittling comments, give him a bunch of examples, point out he didn't used to be like this, and tell him it's really bothering you and is there a way to work through a solution.

Many borderline people behave this way.

Yes, when we're fighting. I think he grew up with that and feels that once the fight is over, all should be forgotten because it's said out of anger and not true. But I can't forget it, and of course things said in anger can be true. It honestly has chipped away at my feelings for him, and I carry around swallowed resentment.

What kinds of things does he say, OP? Does he just shrug it off as just kidding and accuse you of being over-sensitive? Ask him why his "joking" has to involve mean or belittling comments, give him a bunch of examples, point out he didn't used to be like this, and tell him it's really bothering you and is there a way to work through a solution.

No. Not acceptable in any way. Your spouse can tell you how they are feeling, can be angry with you, but to be mean and hurtful? NO FUCKING WAY. And if they are "negligently" mean without realizing it, they apologize.

Tell him you're done trying if he can't stop acting like that. Be blunt. Tell him to find a solution.

No. Why don't you try therapy by yourself to see if there are some constructive ways to deal with it? Or get clarity from any objective source (therapist) that there isn't anything you can do. It's better than living in limbo like this.

No. Never, ever.

No, he does not. And if he did I would send him packing. It's just not acceptable behavior past the age of 12. And if someone doesnt have the emotional maturity to release that, sayonara.

How do you handle it?

Fwiw we generally have a good marriage but it's been a rough few years. I do love him dearly but honestly can only take so much and just want to be happy. I've been trying really hard to fix things and he is giving nothing and notices nothing wrong with our roommate status relationship. Some days are great then he says or mainly jokes really sh*tty and hurtful things. Not abusive daily but just really shitty things practically weekly.
They continue to kill me little by little. Ps. He refuses therapy. I just don't know why I try anymore. Actually I've given up this past week and now he seems hurt. I don't know why I try anymore.


Any advice please?