PP here again. I also wanted to add that the thing I am most envious of is people who have large, loving extended families who get together in the summer at a beach house at the beach, always have full weekends with weddings, BBQs, parties, travel with family, etc. We have none of that and I so wished we did. We have no one to travel with, social calendar is usually empty, etc. Our friends get together with extended family for big family reunions, etc. and I just wished we had that too. And we have not yet found close friends who are like family. I think this would be very hard to find.

I feel similarly OP. I also feel very, very lonely. I'm an only child, have a good relationship with my parents, but they moved to California to retire almost 10 years ago (they don't have any family or ties in California--just moved there for the weather). Husband has a horrible relationship with his family and they all live in Arizona. I don't like his family and have never gotten along with them. He has 1 sister who is estranged and 1 brother he barely talks to. We see my parents twice a year and his family once a year on average. His father has never met our child and has no interest. It's a sad situation. I have 15 first cousins but they are all over the place and they have no interest in a relationship. I grew up in a city with no local family so I don't have much of a relationship with any extended family.

It's a very lonely way to live. We spend every holiday alone. I feel sad for my son because I grew up feeling super lonely as a child.

The whole "friends as family" thing hasn't worked for us. Our friends have their own plans for the holidays and have never once invited us to join them.

I'm in therapy trying to accept/cope with the situation. But it makes me feel very sad and lonely. My husband really wants to have a second child.

OP, I think it's normal to feel sad and a little abandoned.

That being said, sharing blood and DNA with people does not mean that they are good for you. Some family members can be incredibly toxic and their absence in your life is worth their weight in gold.

What PPs have said are all good things. You are responsible for your own happiness. You are also responsible as an adult, for building your own concept of family.

I left home at 17. I got back in touch with my mom again around 20, and by 21 I realized exactly why this woman can't be in my life. It was a really tough time, navigating the world on my own, but I know it was worth it. I have surrounded myself with friends I know I can count on ALWAYS.

ask yourself honestly what your life would look like with these people back in it. Would you be less lonely? Probably not, and to boot, you'd be sucked into their drama and worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents on both sides were really terrible and actually destructive. It is much better to have no or little contact than toxic contact. I would have been so much better off, as would my parents, if my grandparents were not in our lives. I'm sorry you are lonely and can empathize since as an adult I now have little contact with them and of course cutting off ties with your parents is much harder but in the long run you will be happier and so will your children. Good luck!

Bullshit. You just put a bandaid on a gaping wound. There's no such thing as being happy without family. You learn to manage but there's no happiness in it. Some people are more emotionally detach than others so they can reason their choice to detach but as one gets older the desire to connect to your roots just get stronger.

Um, WTF? I'm not in this poster's situation but to make this statement is extraordinary. There's no such thing as happiness without family? You've got to be kidding me. This is like people who go around saying there's no such thing as happiness with a special needs child, no such thing as happiness after divorce, no such thing as happiness for a single mother. You have no idea what individual situations are until you've lived them.

You are the one who sounds deeply unhappy, emotionally scarred, and frankly a little scary.

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents on both sides were really terrible and actually destructive. It is much better to have no or little contact than toxic contact. I would have been so much better off, as would my parents, if my grandparents were not in our lives. I'm sorry you are lonely and can empathize since as an adult I now have little contact with them and of course cutting off ties with your parents is much harder but in the long run you will be happier and so will your children. Good luck!

Bullshit. You just put a bandaid on a gaping wound. There's no such thing as being happy without family. You learn to manage but there's no happiness in it. Some people are more emotionally detach than others so they can reason their choice to detach but as one gets older the desire to connect to your roots just get stronger.

My grandparents on both sides were really terrible and actually destructive. It is much better to have no or little contact than toxic contact. I would have been so much better off, as would my parents, if my grandparents were not in our lives. I'm sorry you are lonely and can empathize since as an adult I now have little contact with them and of course cutting off ties with your parents is much harder but in the long run you will be happier and so will your children. Good luck!

Do you have first cousins? Any cousins? Do they have kids? I try really hard to keep my son (an only) in regular touch with cousins.

You make your own happiness.

So we have no grandchildren. ..probably won't. We persevere on that often.

Adopt a granny at a nearby nursing home.

I have no relationship with my parents. My husband doesn't either. So sad, I know. They all just kind of suck in different ways (or they've chosen not to have a relationship with us.) we are both only children. So here we are now with kids and everything just feels....lonely. I know life isn't always like the big happy families on tv and that our community of friends can literally be our family but it still feels like something is missing. I feel guilty for not giving it (whatever it is) to my kids and also secretly find myself really wanting a bigger family, even at 39. How do I get over this? There's no point in perseveration on it, I know, it is what it is. I just can't seem to move past it.