Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're the crazy one.

oh please, that's not true and even if it were it's not at all helpful. she's acknowledging she blew up in an unproductive way, whcih everyone does from time to time.
family dynamics make us all crazy.

This is true and only a small portion of us are big and "not crazy" enough to recognize our own fault and accept responsibility. Most huff off thinking they were 100% the victim.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're the crazy one.

oh please, that's not true and even if it were it's not at all helpful. she's acknowledging she blew up in an unproductive way, whcih everyone does from time to time.
family dynamics make us all crazy.

Sounds like you're the crazy one.

Thank you so much. I am so grateful for your responses. They really punch my confidence down to the ground and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy!! I had a rough time growing up but somehow I met my dh and he defended me with the perfect words. I am so thankful for him. He got out all that I was thinking without me even having to say it. It doesn't excuse my actions, though. I know I need to apologize.

Limit contact.

Siblings and family members make us act like children again.

For the short term, I'd send a card with a heart felt note and give things some time to cool off. Accept your responsibility and just apologize for your actions. Don't make any excuses or accusations.

Long term: Keep your plans and interactions with your sibling short and simple. Try to put the past in the past. You've grown up and changed a lot since then and they probably have too. Don't assume their motivations.

Lastly, when you sense yourself getting upset change the subject or find a way to make a graceful exit. Think about what triggers your emotions when you are around them and avoid those. Have an exit strategy or new conversation topic planned.

Thanks, I definitely did not act like a grown up and that is why I feel horrible. I wish I made my point in a better way.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to suck it up per SE, it's ok to call people out when they're being crazy, but the trick is to call them out for the current event only, not bring up years of resentment and hurts. That's where you went wrong. The pp with the sample letter is spot on. Apologize for blowing up, but don't apologize for your feelings. You can't help your feelings, just your reaction to them.

Good advice here. It's always good to own up to what you're responsible for. You hope others will own up to what they're responsible for in the matter but you shouldn't apologize hoping they'll do the same. You can't make them be grown ups but you can act like a grown up.

You don't need to suck it up per SE, it's ok to call people out when they're being crazy, but the trick is to call them out for the current event only, not bring up years of resentment and hurts. That's where you went wrong. The pp with the sample letter is spot on. Apologize for blowing up, but don't apologize for your feelings. You can't help your feelings, just your reaction to them.

Thanks, I know I was wrong but they make me so mad!! dH said that I need to suck it up.

Short apology. I'm sorry for the blow up. I reacted badly because I felt I was being blamed. I know you had high expectations and I was not able to meet them. I took it as a chance to unload my feelings and that was not fair to you.

(That way you say your piece but apologize at the same time!)

Funny, before I got to the end of your post, I was going to say write a short apology. Go DH!

Basically a huge volcano erupted and we had the fight of the century. I got so sick and tired of being blamed for all of their problems. I also get constantly belittled because I am not as articulate as them. It all came down to my sister's unrealistic expectations not being able to be met for a situation and instead of being classy about it, I snapped and ripped her to shreds. She wasn't even acknowledging that what she was asking was crazy! Anyway, I feel bad for being mean and I need to apologize but it is hard when I have years of resentment towards each if them. DH says to write a short apology letter. What do you think?