You got one of three diamonds. Maybe it's your brother that's being short changed for not getting the 3rd diamond. As for the coin set, it's only worth over $100.
Divide that 3 ways and it is worth one trip to the grocery store. All this isn't worth losing sleep over. Let that go. If they ever ask to borrow money in the future, you know you can deny them without feeling guilty. That's how I would settle the ledger.

Honestly, I'd let it go, as a last act of love to my mother. It's not fair, no. But I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be fighting. Your sister, for whatever reason, seems to need this "win". Give it to her. You don't need it.

Anonymous wrote:Do you like your sister otherwise? If so I'd let it go.

Do you want to keep the coin collection? Then agree to a value and pay your sibs out.

OP: I don't think I like people who look out only for themselves, and it looks to me that my sister falls in this category.

Anonymous wrote:Do you like your sister otherwise? If so I'd let it go.

Do you want to keep the coin collection? Then agree to a value and pay your sibs out.

I don't have any problem with the coin collection. I would send each SIB twice it's value to be done with it with no hard feelings on My part whatsoever. I'm not attached to the coins and I think it's fair. What upsets me is the random email asking about a worthless item, again looking out for their interests, while ignoring my unresolved bigger complaint that my mothers wedding set was not handled fairly. But they want every penny handled fairly for THEM.

Do you like your sister otherwise? If so I'd let it go.

Do you want to keep the coin collection? Then agree to a value and pay your sibs out.

It is very difficult to maintain good relationships with relatives who fight over estates. No way would I walk away from what was mine and I would want the rules to apply no matter what the other family members thought regarding selfish distribution. And be prepared for a strained relationship with your sister who billed your mom $3000 month while she was ill.

Anonymous wrote:OP: give me a good reason to save a relationship with people looking out for themselves? I really am not seeing the big picture. Why shouldn't my sister be the one who makes an effort to find a compromise to save a relationship?

Because she doesn't want a relationship, she wants material things.

OP: give me a good reason to save a relationship with people looking out for themselves? I really am not seeing the big picture. Why shouldn't my sister be the one who makes an effort to find a compromise to save a relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:liquidate everything and divide it up

Exactly. And if you don't the executor needs to make a full inventory of whatever you don't liquidate and value any significant assets and divide it all up equally (assuming equal division of the assets were the terms of your mothers will). So your share will include the value of your diamond, your sisters will include the value of hers, your brother will either get something else or cash for his share. If these diamonds are valuable then your brother is actually the one getting the short end of the stick.

FWIW my brother was given another very very large diamond worth more than these which was from my dads side. It was understood that he would get that, and my sister and I would divide my mothers wedding set. He received that diamond.

My mother's family has been feuding for generations over contents of wills, amounting to millions of dollars (land, real estate, and some important jewels and objets d'art). Siblings have sued each other, others have not spoken to each other for 30 years, etc... Conflict has this insidious way of spilling over to the next generations too - one of my cousins just cut us off, even though we are 3 generations removed from the 1st questionable will.

So... my take on it is that family is more precious than material goods.

It is painful and frustrating to be the one who is stolen from, as I was and my mother was.
Personally, I let go of the emeralds I was supposed to receive and which my aunt kept for herself. I love my aunt, and her greed is her problem, not mine. I would rather have her amusing company and sharp wit than fight with her over mere stones.

Let it go, OP.

I walked away from any and all rights to my mother's estate. My siblings were sneaky and greedy, not a description I wanted to share in. So instead of fighting them, I just closed my door and said goodbye. Best thing I ever did.

Anonymous wrote:liquidate everything and divide it up

Exactly. And if you don't the executor needs to make a full inventory of whatever you don't liquidate and value any significant assets and divide it all up equally (assuming equal division of the assets were the terms of your mothers will). So your share will include the value of your diamond, your sisters will include the value of hers, your brother will either get something else or cash for his share. If these diamonds are valuable then your brother is actually the one getting the short end of the stick.

liquidate everything and divide it up

I know you hurt, and it sounds like you're totally justified in that, but I would let material objects own me this way. I'm someone who cut off my sister (unrelated to any deaths) so I won't tell you not to do that or how to handle it. I'm just saying you need to own your possessions and it sounds life these particular possessions own you right now. Don't let them control you. If you want to be mad at your sister be mad, but not over a ring. Have your diamond set however you want, wear it or proudly but don't feel obligated to send it to your sister or brother for any reason. Just say your keeping the diamond and don't want anything else. I'm sure you'll get done better advice from others.

I love and miss my mom very much. She passed away from Alzheimer's about four years ago. I took care of her for five years then my sister took her for 18 months. My mom passed while in my sisters care, so my sister has her wedding set, which is something mom wore every day and is very sentimental.

It was made with three diamonds, one was my grandmothers and the other two my dad purchased. My sister removed one diamond, my grandmothers, and sent it to me, but kept the other two for herself.

We discovered in moms papers that she wanted whichever daughter that received one, to be given a sum to purchase a similar quality so each would have two. It meets the criteria for a holographic addendum to her will.

My sister handled the estate, and never honored that wish.

Now my brother sent me this email: can you give me mom & dad's coin collection so I can get it valued and sold to divide the money among the three of us?

The coin collection is a few old silver dollars and pennies, probably worth $130 total, based on looking up coins and values on the Internet.

Oh, and while my sister took my mom, she charged mom $3000 per month. I never asked for anything to care for my mom.

I don't feel good about any of this, I feel like my sister sold me out, and I don't feel like the relationship is salvageable. My sister and I are mutually not speaking.


Four questions:

1. Can the relationships be saved or do I have to give up trying to be treated fairly?
2. Why do I have to give up being treated fairly to save the relationship?
3. How do we solve the wedding set dilemma at this point?
4. How do I respond to my brothers email when I feel like my issue with my mothers wedding set is being ignored when I've brought it up to both of them and I feel the coin collection is worthless. I would send them both $130 to be done with it.