Anonymous
Post 02/13/2015 00:59     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer, but what I will say is that the suggestions offered by others - take everything away - aren't going to work. All that is going to do is alienate your daughter and create more problems than you already have. Do you want her to stop coming home, start sneaking out, hanging out with people that are even worse for her than she is for herself?

I get that it's difficult to have a child who doesn't do well. I have one, but he is special needs so it's easier to accept. Our solution was to find a new direction, which is vo-tech. He is not college bound, but after finding something that interests him, at least he is on track to get a job and support himself.


I kind of agree. She knows you care about her grades and this is one of her ways of rebelling against you.
From what you wrote I'm guessing she's more of a "girly girl" than you. You'd rather her be one way and she wants to be someone else.

Have you tried just talking to her . Not lecturing or threatening just talking and listening.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:58     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer, but what I will say is that the suggestions offered by others - take everything away - aren't going to work. All that is going to do is alienate your daughter and create more problems than you already have. Do you want her to stop coming home, start sneaking out, hanging out with people that are even worse for her than she is for herself?

I get that it's difficult to have a child who doesn't do well. I have one, but he is special needs so it's easier to accept. Our solution was to find a new direction, which is vo-tech. He is not college bound, but after finding something that interests him, at least he is on track to get a job and support himself.


I think a teen with SN is a different case. Per OP, her DD has no SN. It's just pure laziness and the notion that her parents will always provide for her. I don't think that's acceptable. There does need to be a consequence.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:51     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
I don't have an answer, but what I will say is that the suggestions offered by others - take everything away - aren't going to work. All that is going to do is alienate your daughter and create more problems than you already have. Do you want her to stop coming home, start sneaking out, hanging out with people that are even worse for her than she is for herself?

I get that it's difficult to have a child who doesn't do well. I have one, but he is special needs so it's easier to accept. Our solution was to find a new direction, which is vo-tech. He is not college bound, but after finding something that interests him, at least he is on track to get a job and support himself.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:37     Subject: Consequences for failing school
No phone, no socializing outside of school. Summer school.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:37     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
Anonymous wrote:OP here. No extracurriculars, no sports. Spends her time on the phone or doing nothing. Has zero interest in doing well. Just complete lack of care about performing well. Cares more about her appearance and socializing. This is not a depression issue, it's an IDGAF issue and I'm at my wit's end!


Well, it's a great time to be concerned. What were you doing as a parent up until now?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:35     Subject: Consequences for failing school
outward bound or similar experience. My kid is only 10 but i can picture something like that happening and my dh and i have already discussed the very real possibility of a survival-shape up outward bound experience, should the need arise.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:34     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
Anonymous wrote:OP here. No extracurriculars, no sports. Spends her time on the phone or doing nothing. Has zero interest in doing well. Just complete lack of care about performing well. Cares more about her appearance and socializing. This is not a depression issue, it's an IDGAF issue and I'm at my wit's end!


Take the phone away. Can you ground her? No allowance, if she gets any. How old is she?

Does she have any thought as to what she will do when she graduates? Are you going to let her live in your house if she doesn't go to college or get a job?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:33     Subject: Consequences for failing school
What grade is she?
How bad are her grades?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:30     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
OP here. No extracurriculars, no sports. Spends her time on the phone or doing nothing. Has zero interest in doing well. Just complete lack of care about performing well. Cares more about her appearance and socializing. This is not a depression issue, it's an IDGAF issue and I'm at my wit's end!
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 21:07     Subject: Consequences for failing school
Is she depressed? Maybe school is much harder for her then you think it is.
Are the other children bullying Her?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 20:56     Subject: Consequences for failing school
Isn't the consequence the grades received from the school?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 20:52     Subject: Consequences for failing school
Agree with both PPs.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 20:43     Subject: Re:Consequences for failing school
Why did she fail? Too much time on an extracurricular? Too much time socializing on the phone when she should have been studying? A new boyfriend/girlfriend? Possible drug/alcohol use? Something else?

It seems you need to figure out the problem first in order to reach a solution.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 20:42     Subject: Consequences for failing school
Does she have a cell phone? She shouldn't. Does she have a car? She shouldn't.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 20:41     Subject: Consequences for failing school
DD has dug a new low. No learning disabilities...just pure laziness and lack of interest.