As long as your child is not disrupting mine, it wouldn't come up. If my DS broached the subject, I'd respond. It would go something like this:

DS: There's a kid in our class who doesn't talk or play with anyone.
Me: There are all different types of personalities, aren't there?
DS: Yeah, but he flaps his arms. It's a little creepy.
Me: Is that right? Is he nice?
DS: Yeah.
Me: Cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people who have kids with autism put their kids in private. Public schools have far more resources to help children with special needs. If that child takes a disproportionate amount of time from my child's teacher, yes I would not be happy.

If you don't understand it then you need to make a little effort, PP. My son with HFA is currently in public, but we are seriously considering private, because he would do so much better in a smaller class, all other things being equal. There are a variety of reasons why parents seek out private school, and that doesn't change just because their child receives a diagnosis.

+1. My kid with HFA is exceptionally bright and needs high level academics combined with small class sizes which public schools cannot provide. Other than that, he doesn't need any other supports.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people who have kids with autism put their kids in private. Public schools have far more resources to help children with special needs. If that child takes a disproportionate amount of time from my child's teacher, yes I would not be happy.

If you don't understand it then you need to make a little effort, PP. My son with HFA is currently in public, but we are seriously considering private, because he would do so much better in a smaller class, all other things being equal. There are a variety of reasons why parents seek out private school, and that doesn't change just because their child receives a diagnosis.

I don't understand why people who have kids with autism put their kids in private. Public schools have far more resources to help children with special needs. If that child takes a disproportionate amount of time from my child's teacher, yes I would not be happy.

It would not bother me. Regardless of any child's diagnosis or lack of one, you just want kids in the class who are able to perform within expectations and who don't disrupt the school experience for others.

There are all sorts of people in the world, and kids need to understand that. Some of us are challenged in some areas, others in different ones.

If a child in the room had a purely physical challenge, you would want the kids to be kind, friendly, understanding of their challenges, and appreciative of their other abilities. A child who is challenged on another front deserves the same thing. I certainly try to teach my child that good friends are OK with the differences their friends exhibit.

I work with people that are probably on the spectrum. We all do. Would make sense that DD would occasionally have classmates who are too. NBD.

Autism is a silly spectrum of very high functioning with developmental delays and/or quirks to very low functioning so to me it depends on what the concerns are. We had a false autism diagnosis so to me it is often a catch-all for we don't know what's wrong with your kid. I would not care at all but then again my child has some delays.

No. It would not bother me at all. My kids are ADHD and have had their issues. My kids were enrolled in social skills classes, so I am very sensitive to the needs of children that do not fit the established norm. I tell my kids that they need to treat everyone with respect and kindness, just as they expect others to treat them with respect and kindness. So far they have.

Personally, no, I have no issues with it, and would make sure my children are sensitive and appropriate. But I have a lot of experience and familiarity with children with autism - people who do not know might be (wrongly) uncomfortable. It is all about education, I guess.

1. No.
2. Depends -- if my kid comes home making critical comments about another kid and I know what kinds of challenges the other kid is dealing with, I might talk about that with my kid. FWIW, "need to know"/talk about only if it would improve relationships is my general policy -- not specific to SN.
3. Depends on how everyone behaves. If the school isn't supporting the kid/family as it should, I'd think less of the school. If the kid is flourishing, I might be even more impressed with him/his parents.

Re the stigma issue, I'd be less judgmental wrt behavioral issues if I knew (and knew the parents/school knew) a kid was autistic. But, you're right that it's a trickier issue when there aren't such issues. Then I'm back to "need to know" wrt whether you tell other parents or kids. But here need to know gets defined on your (and your child's) own terms. Might be practical, might be about trust/letting people know you, might be about combatting prejudice. To me, it's kind of like sexual orientation -- up to you to decide when and to whom it's relevant.

As long as the autistic kid isn't disrupting my kid's ability to learn and isn't physically hurting my kid I don't care.

If your kid can hack it in private school, then good on him.

Yeah, I'd probably tell my kid. She's cool about not gossiping about people, and I think it'd be good for her to see "hey here's this kid who's autistic and is smart and funny and ... just mostly a regular kid."

PP 17:13. No, I wouldn't tell my kid. I do explain, though, that he has an obligation to be kind to all the kids in his class, especially those that he doesn't seek out as playmates.

Absolutely not. My neurotypical kids need to learn to work with and appreciate people with all sorts of differences. The child you described poses no disruption in the classroom and is nothing but an addition to the class.

(Disclosure: I do have a close friend whose DC has a spectrum disorder. But I like to think I would feel this way regardless.)

I would be very eager to make sure my child was sensitive to that child without stigmatizing them and I would be worried that I needed to help my child do that. I might even ask questions of teachers/staff to try to understand how to guide my child. Kids are mean and I don't want my child to be the kid who makes your kid's life more difficult. I think I would be reluctant to tell my child that the child has autism but would try to find some other excuse for telling my child he should be particularly nice and understanding to that child.

Are you bothered by it?

My DS, who has autism, is in private typical school. He is doing very well academically, with no disruptive behavior (more on the quiet side). The school (teachers and staff) know about his diagnosis/needs, but I don't disclose his diagnosis to other parents. I know that some of my DS classmates who are typical kids, actually need helps with academics, behaviors, etc. However, there's a social stigma that comes with autism (compared to other diagnoses, e.g. ADHD or dyslexia).

Recently, there has been a couple of parents who asked the teachers/staff if there are some special needs kids in the classroom and they seem to be concerned. I know I should just ignore them. However, I'm curious to know your opinion: If you find out your kid's classmate has autism …
- Would you think "why am I paying big $$ to send my kid to a private school that has kid(s) with autism?"
- Would you tell your kid that (X) has autism?
- Does it change your view about the school, the autistic kid and his parents?