Does your spouse have an opinion on the matter.

Frankly, if my wife had a pot-smoking paroled brother who wanted to move into our house, NO WAY IN HELL would I allow that to happen.

In this case, I can understand your dad not wanting to help him out. it's the same reason you are not going to do it.

If your brother is clean and sober then he has to figure it out himself.

You shouldn't have your brother, but neither should your dad. Your brother is messed up, abuse past or not, but he's an adult and needs to either get himself in order, or get in a half-way house/rehab sort of program until he gets his shit together.

thanks guys. I have been so fatigued since that call at lunch today. I forgot how emotionally draining his situation can be.

If I were single, or even if I had no kids, I'd solve this problem. I hate that I love my brother more than our father.

This is my parents too OP. They totally screwed up my sibling and then washed their hands of him. So it became my mess to clean up. Hugs.

I would not want a pot dealer in my house, even if my youngest kids were in college.

This sounds awful. I'm sorry OP. But yes, you have to do what's right for your kids before your brother. I'm sorry your father sucks. And I'm sorry her abused you all. No kid deserves that.

What about half way house options or group living situations?

I'm sorry op.

I wonder if there is a social worker who specializes in this who you could talk to. Frankly it doesn't sound like your brother should be living with anyone in the family, least of all your asshole dad.

Can he get parole if he finds a place to live?

manny ?

OP again. We only talk about this brother. Otherwise, we don't talk because he abused me, still hasn't apologized and that's that.

I think what blows my mind is that he just had brother's parole revoked. Brother has been clean/sober in prison, looking forward to getting out.

I don't think he can move here b/c Va. doesn't have parole but frankly, I don't even know where to begin looking for information. Not that I need another project or 'child".

and i really don't want my mentally ill, drug dealing brother living in my house with my children. I just don't.

But the new kids are adults in college. Why the !@#$ can't "dad" just help his son try re-entry. Because he's spending all his money on new kids and their college. Doesn't he get that he threw brother away and therefore he is part at fault? Barbecue he is. That abusive !@#$%^

Because he is a POS. I feel like crap now.

To the point that brother shouldn't live with someone abusive. That's a great point but I have no idea what to do with that. If he lives with Mom, he WILL reoffend. She's schizophrenic. My other brother won't take him and I'm not sure there are any other options.

and why doesn't that little ass try to find other options for brother rather than just say no. So selfish I can't even fathom it.

So sorry, OP.

My dad is a POS shit, too. I cut him completely out of my life and have zero regrets. Any time he does reach out it's because he needs something so I just stopped taking his calls or answering his texts. No more problems!

As horrifically sad as this situation is, if your father is abusive, his adult, mentally ill, parolee son should not be living with him. Obviously, you can't take him either but letting him live with your father is a future disaster. He might be better off in prison.

I'm sorry, OP. That sounds beyond frustrating.

He just called me. My brother, his son is in prison for selling pot and was just granted parole as long as he has a place to go. My father is retired. His wife still works. His two "new kids" (I'm oldest of the 3 old kids) are both off at college. He sits on his ass and does nothing all day. His nest is empty.

He just flat out told me that he wanted my brother to move in with me and take care of my 2 yr old and 5 yr old and clean my house. Basically be my manny. Because HE didn't want to spend his money on my brother "your brother" he kept saying. Because HE didn't want to deal with the !@#$%^& parole people.

He is NOT my responsibility but this litter fucker made this situation and now he won't do anything to help DB. I get that my brother is a felon but he's also mentally ill. WHy? Biologically our mother is mentally ill. And our father abused all of us. My other sib and I are fine but this one is not.

So, no, as much as I'd like to, I cannot take on this responsibility while raising two young kids and doing my job.

He just got my brother's parole revoked. That little fucker. I'm so pissed I forgot to vale my curse word.