OP, why does it have to be an either or? I know that is what is in front of you right now, but maybe there's a third option - which is a job that gives you more time flexibility but also more money.

Keep looking and be diligent about it. I'll bet there's something that's great for you out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP, what did you decide ?

I haven't! I have until mid-next week to do so and am very stressed out. One day I flip one way and the next I flip the other. In terms of the need/want analysis- I work in public service so could handle the lower pay and then loan forgiveness in another 8 years. OTOH, the higher pay would enable me to pay the loans off myself completely in about 6-8 years. I miss my kids.

Cat in the cradle here .

Listen to your heart. I turned down my opportunity recently and I've had moments of "oh fuck what have I done? I should have gone", but overwhelmingly the thing that sticks in my mind is what I did with my kids this week. I took them sledding, I took one to a friends house for a play date, I ducked out of work today a little early and had a date night, and tomorrow I'm heading to the mountains. Know way could I have done these things without the flex I now have. So what if my family will be in the top 5% of incomes instead of in the top 1%? So be it.

Know that just because someone pays you less doesn't mean they won't expect more out of you.

If you think you know the job details/expectations of the lower paying job, I hope you are right.

Any way to accept the higher paying job and make-it-your-own on your terms?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP, what did you decide ?

I haven't! I have until mid-next week to do so and am very stressed out. One day I flip one way and the next I flip the other. In terms of the need/want analysis- I work in public service so could handle the lower pay and then loan forgiveness in another 8 years. OTOH, the higher pay would enable me to pay the loans off myself completely in about 6-8 years. I miss my kids.

So either way in 8 years you are debt-free. right? And if you take this job, that may happen a year or two earlier, but will cost you and your family significantly. So the difference between the options is 0-2 years of being in debt, they both share 6 years of indebtedness, and they very greatly on Q of L.

There must be other factors, but the debt does not sound like enough reason. pp's point about it not being fuck you money is a great one.

No one else can give you the right answer, but here's more food for thought: you have significant debt. One way to handle this is to take the less lucrative job that gives you more family friendly hours and then look to cut costs elsewhere as much as possible to keep paying down the debt faster. Do not live above your means. If you take a lower paying job to buy more family time, then make other sacrifices (buy a used car instead of new, rent or buy cheaper smaller housing rather than bigger). Take less expensive vacations. Pay down that debt as much as you can within the constraints of a lower paying job.

Life is full of compromises. Which ones are you willing to take?

OP, there was a large research study (can't remember the name) that interviewed elderly people and asked about life regrets. Overwhelmingly, the men said they regretted working as much as they did and missing out on time with their kids.

But really, I agree with PP: you said it yourself, you miss your kids. There's your answer.

And I'll say this, as someone who's gone the less lucrative route while my kids are very young (and probably will continue to do so): there is no conceivable amount of money worth the time I've had with my kids. None.

OP, I think you answered your own question. See: "I miss my kids."

I once heard--you don't look back on your deathbed and wish you worked more. This stuck with me.

Anonymous wrote:So OP, what did you decide ?

I haven't! I have until mid-next week to do so and am very stressed out. One day I flip one way and the next I flip the other. In terms of the need/want analysis- I work in public service so could handle the lower pay and then loan forgiveness in another 8 years. OTOH, the higher pay would enable me to pay the loans off myself completely in about 6-8 years. I miss my kids.

So OP, what did you decide ?

My parents actually made this decision. My dad deliberately chose not to take more lucrative positions that would have required extensive travel or long hours, because they truly valued family time. I don't think they have any regrets. Yes, sometimes it would have been nice to have more money. But my dad really loves his family and loves spending time with us, and he has openly said that he thinks he got the better end of the deal. I told him that WE got the better end of the deal--there are no "things" that would have been better than spending time with my dad. I live by the same values. I turned down lucrative BigLaw jobs for the feds, and I have no regrets. Yes, more money would be nice sometimes, but not at the expense of time with my husband and kids. If you make enough now, then you don't "need" more money. The tradeoffs are real--no amount of money can get you this time back.

Like the PP, I didn't have any debt, which I know affected my options/decision.

But yeah, I quit my well-paying BigLaw gig to work for the feds. Took a cut in pay by one-third (I was only a senior associate when I left, not a partner). But we adjusted to having less money, and I've been working my way (slowly) up the pay scale.

I will never, ever, make in government what I was making 6 years ago when I left BigLaw. But I have never had any regrets -- I spend so much more time with my great kids and husband. I don't feel guilty when I take time for myself (to go to the gym, or see a movie with friends). And I feel better about what I do. (Some of our clients were great, but some skeezed me out.)

"Finally, I recommend you read "More than money" by Mark Albion. Its maybe $10 on amazon, its an easy read, but its interesting and a bit eye opening."

Cheaper to borrow the book from the public library.

Cat in the cradle poster here.

This is a super personal decision - and there a lot of variables at play. In my case, it was the choice between doubling my income, but moving from 35-40 hours a week with lots of flex, to 80+ a week, 5 days a week in the office, with little opportunity for vacation, likely weekend work, etc. It was a paradigm shift in comp for sure but an equally brutal shift for my home life.

The other part for us was whether this new role would in fact be setting a new negotiating position for future jobs; it wasn't totally clear that it would be unless I was open to moving to the west coast long term, which I'm not, so it wasnt as if 1 year at this other job meant I'd go on to make $400K for life.

I spoke with some friends of mine who made a good point: this isn't fuck you money - not even close - at best you save an extra hundred K or so a year for a few years which maybe means you pay off your house a few years earlier or maybe means your college fund is more funded, but this isn't the difference between retiring at 40 and retiring at 60. As one friend put it, "Do you really give a shit if you retire with $5M instead of $10M?"

I was also reminded of the parable of the fisherman - which several people I talked to brought up - if you aren't familiar with it, google it. Finally, I recommend you read "More than money" by Mark Albion. Its maybe $10 on amazon, its an easy read, but its interesting and a bit eye opening.

But most of all, I just thought about the day i'm sitting on my death bed - will my kids care if their 529 was 70% funded instead of 100% - will they give two shits if the house they inherit is worth $1M or $2M - if it has a mortgage to pay off or if it doesnt? Will I care? How much is enough? And what if, god forbid, the new job creates so much stress I don't even make it to that later age?

Everyone is different - you have lots of student debt - I didn't - but your statements seem incongruent though - you say you make enough but you hands down "what you need" financially. Both statements can't be true: do you actually NEED it?

Think through the tradeoffs..... best of luck!

Take the more lucrative job, and, make do as best you can. You never know when things will turn negative. Use the new gig to save as much $$$ as possible, then revisit your situation and life in a year or 3, see what you think then.

This is a spin off from the thread on worst financial decisions you've ever made and the person who posted they were about to make one re turning down a job after listening to this song bc the pay was better but the time commitment was horrible.

I am in the same spot. We have a ton of student loan debt, no consumer debt, two kids, and I have a very lucrative opportunity and a good opportunity in front of me. I know the lucrative opportunity is hands-down what we need financially. But I want to see my kids grow up. We make "enough" now. Anyone been there, done that? Regrets if you turned down the more lucrative position?