Anonymous
02/07/2015 21:05
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
As others have said, you need to deal with the boathouse thing separately from anything else. It's okay to set boundaries, but it will have to come from both you and your DH. Getting him on board might be a challenge.
If your kids are no longer infants, the chances of them getting sick from her kids is very, very slim. Your kids are vaccinated, so even if her kids get something, yours are likely protected (hence the whole point of vaccination). There may be a SLIM chance they could get something, but it would be infinitesimal.
If you do have an infant who cannot yet be vaccinated, this is a different story. Then you have a right to say you cannot see them until after she is old enough to be vaccinated.
If your kids are no longer infants, the chances of them getting sick from her kids is very, very slim. Your kids are vaccinated, so even if her kids get something, yours are likely protected (hence the whole point of vaccination). There may be a SLIM chance they could get something, but it would be infinitesimal.
If you do have an infant who cannot yet be vaccinated, this is a different story. Then you have a right to say you cannot see them until after she is old enough to be vaccinated.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 15:00
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
There is no point in telling her that you think she's making a bad, irresponsible call. That will accomplish nothing. She won't change her mind and it will just offend her.
Do you really not want the cousins to have a relationship because the other kids are not vaccinated? Have you talked to your pediatrician on what he recommends? I'm sure you realize that your kids come into contact with non-vax kids in other venues. Is there something special about the cousins that makes you especially upset about it - is it because you know, whereas when you're out in public you don't know? Or is it because you just dislike your SIL and that passes down to her kids?
If you want to keep her kids separated from your infant, I get that more than I get why you'd keep your older kids away from their cousins.
Do you really not want the cousins to have a relationship because the other kids are not vaccinated? Have you talked to your pediatrician on what he recommends? I'm sure you realize that your kids come into contact with non-vax kids in other venues. Is there something special about the cousins that makes you especially upset about it - is it because you know, whereas when you're out in public you don't know? Or is it because you just dislike your SIL and that passes down to her kids?
If you want to keep her kids separated from your infant, I get that more than I get why you'd keep your older kids away from their cousins.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 14:07
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
The no vaccination thing would be a huge issue for me. Your DH has to handle this, though. I would limit contact until the kids/you are protected. Maybe the recent news will make this a little easier, he just has to remember to go into talks with his sister in such a way so as not to put her on the defensive.
I'm sorry, OP. I can't believe these ignorant people are really out there in large numbers. It sucks.
I'm sorry, OP. I can't believe these ignorant people are really out there in large numbers. It sucks.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 12:33
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
If your kids are interacting with other kids at school you don't know who and who is or isn't vaccinated. I firmly believe in vaccinations too, but hopefully your kids vaccines will do their job and they don't catch anything serious.
Does your DH also share your feelings? If not, then it's going to be a hard sell and I'd probably let it go. If he does share your feelings, then push him to speak to her about it.
Does your DH also share your feelings? If not, then it's going to be a hard sell and I'd probably let it go. If he does share your feelings, then push him to speak to her about it.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 10:21
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
Don't bother telling her that you think she's ignorant. That is not going to help anything. How old are your children--if they are not yet old enough to have at least received their first MMR, I would totally be fine with declining to spend time with them, and I would be clear about why. Especially with measles breaking out, I wouldn't mess around.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 09:27
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
I would push on the vaccination. You don't say how old your kids are but if they don't have all their vaccines, that would be a bright line for me. If they're older, then less of an issue.
On the part about spending too much time together, I would not fight that. The 5 year old will soon have activities and friends and won't want to spend weekends at a boat house anyway. Unless they're home schooling or not allowing activities, then that's a whole different story...
On the part about spending too much time together, I would not fight that. The 5 year old will soon have activities and friends and won't want to spend weekends at a boat house anyway. Unless they're home schooling or not allowing activities, then that's a whole different story...
Anonymous
02/05/2015 08:43
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
A few things here:
1) Plan when she's coming to the boat house. Don't let it be every weekend. DH gets to say, "Hey, Sis, we're just having a quiet weekend with our little family. Are you guys available to come x date (that's like three weeks away)?"
2) DH has a talk about them coming when kids are sick. Use your school or daycare rules--24 hours fever free, 24 hours no vomiting--if you need a guideline.
3) As for the vaccinating...do you have kids that are at risk? That would be my main concern. If you have kids that are too young to get vaccinated, then they can't be around period. That's a much harder thing, but I think it would be the only answer.
1) Plan when she's coming to the boat house. Don't let it be every weekend. DH gets to say, "Hey, Sis, we're just having a quiet weekend with our little family. Are you guys available to come x date (that's like three weeks away)?"
2) DH has a talk about them coming when kids are sick. Use your school or daycare rules--24 hours fever free, 24 hours no vomiting--if you need a guideline.
3) As for the vaccinating...do you have kids that are at risk? That would be my main concern. If you have kids that are too young to get vaccinated, then they can't be around period. That's a much harder thing, but I think it would be the only answer.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 05:29
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
Tell her she can't bring sick children to the vacation house. That's a common sense rule and it has nothing to do with her values (vaccination, etc.) or how you feel about her.
Or have your DH tell her.
"I'm so sorry Susan, but we can't have any sick kids down at Summerville. We just had to set a rule for everyone because so many people ended up with that nasty flu bug." No fevers, colds, or vomiting.
Or have your DH tell her.
"I'm so sorry Susan, but we can't have any sick kids down at Summerville. We just had to set a rule for everyone because so many people ended up with that nasty flu bug." No fevers, colds, or vomiting.
Anonymous
02/04/2015 22:41
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
Anonymous wrote:We vacinate and we are sick all the time. The likelihood of them not vaccinating and there being and issue is minimal. If you do not want a relationship be honest. Stop making silly excuses.
+1
Anonymous
02/04/2015 22:34
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
OK, there are several issues here:
1. DH should be the one communicating ideally.
2. Being sick all the time should NOT be brought up, because plenty of vaccinating families are indeed often ill, because children don't wash their hands, grub around, etc.
3. The risk that one of them will contract a lethal illness is low, however if it happens it's a life and death matter, and for you as well if you are in regular contact. So no vaccines, no visiting.
Anonymous
02/04/2015 22:29
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
We vacinate and we are sick all the time. The likelihood of them not vaccinating and there being and issue is minimal. If you do not want a relationship be honest. Stop making silly excuses.
Anonymous
02/04/2015 22:09
Subject: Re:How do I tell her how I feel?!
OP,
I think there are two issues. The main one is clear--that you don't want them at your vacation home every weekend. Your second issue won't really hold up b/c if you allow the kids over once a month, it still exposes you to potential illnesses b/c they are unvaccinated.
So, yes, I share with you your disgust that these kids aren't vaccinated, but I doubt you'll get any traction on this issue. Your SIL is ignorant. You can change this.
If you don't want to see them as much, you'll have to set some ground rules with your DH.
I think there are two issues. The main one is clear--that you don't want them at your vacation home every weekend. Your second issue won't really hold up b/c if you allow the kids over once a month, it still exposes you to potential illnesses b/c they are unvaccinated.
So, yes, I share with you your disgust that these kids aren't vaccinated, but I doubt you'll get any traction on this issue. Your SIL is ignorant. You can change this.
If you don't want to see them as much, you'll have to set some ground rules with your DH.
Anonymous
02/04/2015 22:03
Subject: Re:How do I tell her how I feel?!
Texas...
You have no choice but to make your feelings clear to DH and have him tell his sister. If your DH doesn't see the problem or the potential danger for your 7 month old, then I don't know what I would do in you situation.
You have no choice but to make your feelings clear to DH and have him tell his sister. If your DH doesn't see the problem or the potential danger for your 7 month old, then I don't know what I would do in you situation.
Anonymous
02/04/2015 21:58
Subject: How do I tell her how I feel?!
My SIL moved back to DC after years in Texas and 3 kids, now aged 5,3 and 7 m. We were never close but DH and her are twins so they have the bond. Long story short I learn she does not believe in vaccinating so does not vaccinate her kids. This really puts me off and I do not want my kids to be around hers. I am not sure how to tell her that first, I think she is ignorant and second that we don't want o spent each weekend with them. We have a boat house we go each weekend to near Annapolis so they come too! Also to add that her kids, who are lovely and funny and well behaved are sick all the time. Like all the time.