Anonymous wrote:You're damned if you and damned if you don't. The car and furniture I have no problem with but the trip would be a no no. After seeing Spring Break New Orleans and Miami on Drugs Inc., I'd never allow my kids to go out of town much less the state or country but she's your kid so you gotta live with the decision.

Do you control where your 22 year old child goes? This is extreme even by DCUM standards.

I think the car would be a really great thing to get her. She will use it every day and probably think of you each time she does.

I'd *maybe* assist with the car, and if you want to gift her money to pay for spring break, but if she doesn't like her furniture, she can dang well get a place to live and find furniture for it herself.

Seriously, besides a futon, the first time I had brand new furniture was when I bought myself a new iron bed frame for my 30th birthday. If she doesn't like the white stuff, I'd tell her to look on Craigslist.

And get off my lawn!

Get her the car. She will use it for years and it will greatly improve her quality of life. Furniture would be nice as well.

I would give her whatever amount of money you are inclined to spend on her gift, and let her decide how to spend it. She can find a way to stretch it to cover all three things by cutting corners (especially since you apparently weren't going to pay for the whole car, just a few months of payment and insurance), or decide which is the greatest priority for her.

Since she's graduating from college, she's probably 21 or 22. Given how you describe the issue, it kind of feels like you're still treating her like a child (and she's acting like a child by demanding gifts) rather than someone becoming an adult who needs to start learning to manage her financial life. I actually had to go back and read the thread again, because I thought you were talking about someone graduating from high school rather than college based on your description.

You're damned if you and damned if you don't. The car and furniture I have no problem with but the trip would be a no no. After seeing Spring Break New Orleans and Miami on Drugs Inc., I'd never allow my kids to go out of town much less the state or country but she's your kid so you gotta live with the decision.

It's absolutely amazing that she has accomplished all this. I personally think she deserves all 3. Unless her friends are staying at the Ritz, I doubt a spring break trip will be all that expensive. Neither will the furniture.

She needs a car to get around and be independent. That's nonnegotiable, in my opinion.

She definitely needs a car, OP.

I would have a pick of one of the three...any complaints and you agree to all 3 if she pays rent and utilities

I would give her whatever amount of money I feel that she deserves, and let her decide what to do with it. She is an adult, after all.

Giving all three gifts seems really excessive to me. I would have her pick one. It is wonderful that she is going to college and received merit aid, but she is an adult now and she shouldn't be rewarded for doing things that will improve her life.

Entitled no. I would help pay for the masters and if she is working she can pay for her car and insurance. Furnature I can understand and that is reasonable.

I take offense at your use of the words "feels entitled to a" car. You haven't supported that contention at all, and it makes you sound really nasty.

How will she get to work? Is the furniture little-girl-ish?

She has received generous merit aid all four years of college and feels entitled to a new or previously owned car, new non-white bedroom furniture and a spring break trip with friends (her first). BTW, we will pay the car note and insurance for three months.

DD will have a full-time job and has been accepted in an evening masters program (she will pay her tuition). Her plans are to live at home for 18-24 months.

Hubby agrees with the car and furniture. I support the spring break trip and furniture but not a car. She may use my car on the nights she has class.

Thoughts?