So they come to visit then spend the time shopping ? Fuck that. Tell them next time they want to visit you have plans. It's past time to stop this.

That's quite disrespectful behavior for an aunt and grandmother. My mother would never have done something like that.

Tell your son they will get in 'after bedtime' and he'll see them the next morning. Don't tell him whether it's a half hour or two hours after bedtime, though!

Are you married? This is just so strange getting upset at the time your relatives get in. I frequently travel to relatives houses and it's just no doable to arrive at dinner time. I have so little annual leave and traffic is just horrendous. I wouldn't tell anyone to arrive into DC at dinner time. Sounds like they'd hit awful rush hour traffic.

Either don't tell son, let him stay up, or just make him go to bed. Just loosen up a little!

I don't see the big deal if a 9 yo stays up to 9 or 10 once in awhile. You sound very rigid and controlling. Just the one child?

OP , I don't get what you'e upset about. You want your mom and sister there or not? If not, just say no. If yes, does it really matter that much if the kid stays up occasionally?

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?

I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.

They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.

+1

I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?

I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.

They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.

People buy inconveniently timed air tickets because they're cheaper. Your sister & mom are trying to penny pinch on the ticket and have more to spend on shopping. That's why I feel a little weird telling people when they're allowed to arrive. I don't know how often your mom & sister visit, but if it's once or twice a year, I'd let them book the flight they want. If it's every month, then I'm more sympathetic to your situation, but don't know the solution. The way you approached it probably revealed the fact that their visits aren't actually that helpful - you popped their bubble, so they will probably visit less now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't tell your son they're coming. It'll be a nice surprise when he wakes up in the morning.

Yes. Don't tell him.

Jesus. Your son is nine years old. Two grownups shouldn't have to rotate their schedule around a kid bc he is too spoiled to listen to his mother and go to bed when she tells him to.

Ps. And I said this because you shouldn't have to lie to your son.

Didn't say lie, just said don't mention it so he doesn't have the building anticipation disrupting his sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't tell your son they're coming. It'll be a nice surprise when he wakes up in the morning.

Yes. Don't tell him.

Jesus. Your son is nine years old. Two grownups shouldn't have to rotate their schedule around a kid bc he is too spoiled to listen to his mother and go to bed when she tells him to.

Ps. And I said this because you shouldn't have to lie to your son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't tell your son they're coming. It'll be a nice surprise when he wakes up in the morning.

Yes. Don't tell him.

Jesus. Your son is nine years old. Two grownups shouldn't have to rotate their schedule around a kid bc he is too spoiled to listen to his mother and go to bed when she tells him to.

Anonymous wrote:Just don't tell your son they're coming. It'll be a nice surprise when he wakes up in the morning.

Yes. Don't tell him.

Just don't tell your son they're coming. It'll be a nice surprise when he wakes up in the morning.

I don't think you are overreaching. It is hurtful.
I have a mother who says she is coming to visit us and makes it to family and friends like the visit is for us but the reality is she just is using it to be a tourist where we live. We've lived in CA and DC and she doesn't actually just want to spend time with us she wants us to take her to restaurants she wants to go to, shops she looked up, tourist attractions. My siblings have lived in areas that are not desirable to visit so she doesn't visit them.
It is hurtful when you feel like they don't actually care to spend time with you or your children they are just taking advantage of where you live so they can enjoy the shopping.

Have you explained why this was your preference or just stated that it was your preference? It also sounds like they don't understand how their actions affect a young child. I would make sure you are explaining why you don't want them arriving so late and how it affects your son who wants to spend time with them. If they are still just using you as a shopping destination I would start to limit visits.

... apparently ticked them off. For YEARS my sister and mom have insisted on arriving at our house for long weekend visits late on a school night. My son's bedtime is around 8:30 and they arrive between 9 and 10. Of course, he loves them, looks forward to seeing them, and could not fall asleep knowing they're on their way even if I forced him to go to bed. With the most recent planned visit, my sister mentioned she might take a half day off work and they would arrive around dinner time. Perfect, I said, I would appreciate that, etc. On subsequent phone chats, I reiterated that I would like it if they did that.

Two weeks prior to planned trip she sent an email stating they decided to come the night before the day she planned to work a half day. When I discussed it with her the next day, she said coming the following day would ruin her and our mom's shopping day (because my son would be in school all day and this gives them two shopping days instead of one). I pressed the issue - stated my preference for the dinner time arrival and after taking a couple of days to think about it, she called to tell me they were cancelling the trip.

So, if they can't have it their way, they're not coming at all. After all the years (even before our son was born) of using our house as a main base for their shopping trips, I push back one time and this is what I get.

One thing that really gets me is they always act like they are coming to help us with DS (btw, he's 9 now, and we don't really need much "help"). Last time they were here, they watched DS on a no-school day until I got home from work then went shopping and out for dinner. Fine, except they told DS they'd be home at a certain time, but were a good three hours late. He felt bad and of course brought it up when they got home. My mom's response was that he should have texted them to remind them. WTH? Who says that to a 9 year old?

I was really hurt by their decision. Am I overreacting? Any suggestions on how to handle in the future?