FYI...you can set up texts so that they show up both on the iPad and your phone, if you have an iPhone.

Your MIL must have an iPhone or iPad. Allows users to send texts between devices connected to wifi. Your daughter is pretty young to have unmonitored access to the Internet. PPs gave good advice. Create a family policy that involves monitoring, and let MIL know she has no expectation of privacy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an Ipad, so I don't understand how it works that someone can text with it, and how did your MIL and daughter get started? And if your MIL can be texting with your child without you knowing, who else out there can? I'm pretty paranoid, so I'd want to set it so texts can't go through, and then just say it's not working.

Awesome way to build trust.

NP here. preventing an 8 year old from texting with strangers seems a no brainer to me. if grandma can text her, presumably others can. Moreover, even texting with grandma does not sound like a good thing, when grandma is a manipulative crazie her own son does not want to have a relationship with. and she goes behind his (and her DIL) back and start texting with the little girl. no texting at 8 for me.

It's not about trust, it's about times when you have to say this is how it is (i.e., the texting feature no longer works) because I'm the parent. A young child does not always need to hear the real story.

It disturbs me that parents are often too lazy to closely monitor their kids' Internet access, yet they won't let them play alone in the front yard or let someone say Oh My God in front of them.

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an Ipad, so I don't understand how it works that someone can text with it, and how did your MIL and daughter get started? And if your MIL can be texting with your child without you knowing, who else out there can? I'm pretty paranoid, so I'd want to set it so texts can't go through, and then just say it's not working.

Awesome way to build trust.

I don't have an Ipad, so I don't understand how it works that someone can text with it, and how did your MIL and daughter get started? And if your MIL can be texting with your child without you knowing, who else out there can? I'm pretty paranoid, so I'd want to set it so texts can't go through, and then just say it's not working.

Oh man, we have the same MIL. I would keep a close eye on the texts

Keep an eye out. And limit iPad time for this reason.

Believe it or not, we had a VERY similar issue with my mom(estranged) and my 10YO DD.

I simply told my mom that we were aware of the texting but that the house rule was that DD was not allowed to text until 12YO. DD could text with her but I made it clear that I would likely monitor them on DD's end. Thus, my mom was on notice that we would be keeping tabs on what was being said. We have had no problems.

Keep a close eye on it, but nothing you can do at this stage without appearing neurotic yourself. I can relate since my IL are like that and I always have an immediate negative reaction to anything involving them which is not always deserved.

If they seem harmless to date I would be nervous but not panicked yet.

You could come up with whatever general ipad rules for your DD. If you decide she is not allowed to text at all until age X, then that would include MIL. I would first decide what your family ipad rules and then decide how to proceed with your MIL. I would want to give my DD a level of respect and trust which I understand is hard to do given the history of MIL.

I would be nervous just given the history of your MIL and wondering what her end goal is because I would be concerned that it isn't just innocent enough to have a relationship with her but is it something manipulative?

I have a mother like that. I would have no problem fostering such a relationship, despite that.

I would not create drama where there is no drama.

Monitor the texts but if MIL is behaving herself what is the harm? Don't "educate" her where there is no need and don't undo a good relationship with a grandparent. And why would you cut off the texts without any reason or without talking to either side. That's really awful.

My 8 year old daughter has apparently been texting regularly with my MIL via her ipad (gift from the MIL). The ipad doesn't have a data plan, and my DD does not have an email account -- I had not realized that one could even text from a device without a data plan. (I have no idea what "number" or account the MIL is using to text to.) Anyway, I've read through all the texts and they are pretty innocuous -- my daughter is very sweet and the only thing that's a little weird is the amount of personal info the MIL is sharing with an 8 year old. We have very limited contact with MIL because MIL is sort of crazy -- she's the type of person that seems very nice and generous when you don't know her very well, but once she considers you "part of the family" she is totally manipulative, unreliable, self-centered, critical, histrionic fits when she doesn't get sufficient attention, etc. DD sees her a couple times a year for brief visits and doesn't know anything about the bad side of her grandmother. DH does not speak to his mother, other than minimal hello, etc., when we do see her, so he will not tell her to stop texting DD. I'm a little nervous about this blooming text relationship, but also don't really want to tell my daughter that she can't communicate with her grandmother, or start down-talking her grandmother to her. Any suggestions for how to manage this, other than checking the text history after DD goes to bed? Is there a way to just shut off texts entirely? Is that a good or bad idea? It may be that MIL has actually improved over the last few years, but there's no way to know because her own kids won't really talk to her.