If they are sexy photos, I think it's reasonable to ask that he not keep those around. it's about respect. But just snapshots? I have a whole album full of those. I had a life before I met DH and my ex boyfriends were part of it -- of course there are photos, from vacations and big life events and stuff like that. It doesn't mean I pine for the men -- it means I want to remember the past, and they were present for it. Likewise, I don't get jealous over DH's vacation and life event photos that happen to have ex-girlfriends in them. If he had a box of boudoir photos, though, that would not be okay with me.

I have pics of my ex and Dh has pics of his ex, but they are buried under a ton of things in our storage. Nothing wrong with keeping them but he shouldn't be looking at them on a regular basis. Honestly if I threw dh's ex pics out I know for sure he wouldn't even notice. As long as he isn't staring at them or as someone else said flaunting them in your face, I wouldn't worry about it. If any of the pics are of a sexual nature, then I would throw them out.

I agree with the OP. These pictures should not be in your house.

I mean, were these in an easy to find/view place? I was cleaning out my father's attic a few months ago and found "the box." All of the old pictures with the ex-gf from high school/part of college. All the cards, the letters, the crumbled boutonniere from proms gone by, etc. One picture could have been considered passably provocative since she was in a towel, but that's more than a lot of people wear. I thought it had been thrown out long ago, it's been up there for 15-20 years collecting dust. Into the trash it went, but if my wife had found it, I really doubt she would have cared.

I wouldn't be crushed or jump to conclusions. Depending on the circumstances, he might have forgotten they exist.

Don't be shamed by your feelings op- I don't think dh should be keeping her pictures like a trophy from a photo Safari- and in your home!!! Throw them out- I did !

Geez, I still have photos of my XH, wedding pics, etc. My DH also has a box of photos of his exes and old love letters, etc. It's just memories from the past, what's the big deal??

Anonymous wrote:OP thank you. I part of my problem is feeling insecure about how i look after the baby and then to see these. They are not nudes but they certainly show her figure. I can breathe now, and I am going to try forget it if I can.

Come on OP. Get it together. There is nothing less sexy than insecurity. He chose you!
And besides, have we seen what the ex-girlfriend looks like after having a baby? We ALL looked better when we were younger and didn't have kids.

I have a big box of letters, photos, etc from my past - I save them because they're a part of my history but am happily married and would never want to go back in time.

Oh my goodness, I still have pics of old boyfriends somewhere in this house and I've been with my husband (and 100% faithful to him) for over 20 years.

Unless he is displaying these things somewhere or looking at the a lot I don't think you have cause for concern. That ex girlfriend is a part of his past and she is part of what made him the person that you fell in love with.

If you're "crushed" and this "kills you" maybe you need some professional help. That's not a normal or healthy reaction.

OP thank you. I part of my problem is feeling insecure about how i look after the baby and then to see these. They are not nudes but they certainly show her figure. I can breathe now, and I am going to try forget it if I can.

Anonymous wrote:So it turns out DH has been maintaining a cache of pictures of his ex gf who he dated before we met. Some of the pictures are provocative and seeing them just killed me.

They are all old and no signs of contact with her... I just don't get why he needs to keep these, or would risk hurting me by keeping them in OUR home.

I am also feeling really confused about confronting them, saying nothing. Also, to throw them out, I am desparate to do but a little scared, too.

He is a good person I just don't get it. Of course it doesn't help that she was attractive.

She is part of his past. Your expectation is really out-of-line. There's nothing to "confront." Show him the respect he deserves and leave it alone.

In the abstract, this doesn't seem that abnormal to me. He had a life before you guys met, and from your description, it seems like these are old photos that predate your relationship. This is part of his history. Two questions, though: (1) you mentioned some were "provocative" - do you mean nudes? Or just kind of shots on the beach? I think any nude pictures/lingerie shots should go, but it's unclear what you're talking about; (2) does your DH talk about this woman a lot, is there a reason to be insecure? From your post, it seems not, but maybe I'm missing something.

I think he should be allowed to keep pictures the ex (barring nudes/lingerie like I mentioned). How did you discover them? If it was innocent, you could just bring it up and say you found these while cleaning or something and ask about them. If they are inappropriate, I would ask that he get rid of them.

OMG, stop. It is OK to have pics of an ex. He had a life before you. My DH has pics of his old girlfriends, heck, is facebook friends with them. I am way cooler than they are, that is why he married ME.

Remember, he married YOU, not her, and leave his damn pictures alone. Don't mention them.

So it turns out DH has been maintaining a cache of pictures of his ex gf who he dated before we met. Some of the pictures are provocative and seeing them just killed me.

They are all old and no signs of contact with her... I just don't get why he needs to keep these, or would risk hurting me by keeping them in OUR home.

I am also feeling really confused about confronting them, saying nothing. Also, to throw them out, I am desparate to do but a little scared, too.

He is a good person I just don't get it. Of course it doesn't help that she was attractive.