It sounds like you would rather go on a vacation somewhere else without them, and that is certainly understandable. Is that what you want? Or do you want to vacation with the in laws but not have to pay for a cabin? It seems like you need to figure out what you want and then have DH communicate that to the ILs.

I agree with the above posters, if you want to go and rent this cabin, you're going to need to take control of it yourself. You would be paying for it so ask for the renters contact information and call and ask for pictures yourself.

it sounds awful to say what you are essentially saying - if its free, we'll hang with you guys. if we have to pay we are going somewhere else.

I don't think cost would be a big issue here as I can't imagine that a little lake cabin is going for tons of $$ for a week. That being said, I would do my own research and find a rental regardless of whether SIL and BIL are coming - because it sounds like it would be way more comfortable for your family.

If you don't really want to go to the lake, then use this as an out.

thanks all! I have no idea why ILs are being weird about contacting the owner. I'm assuming they know the person since they (ILs) spend 5 months a year there and supposedly it's only a few houses down. So we can absolutely ask for the contact information, but it seems odd since they're ostensibly MIL's neighbors/acquaintances.

We can't figure out why if this place is for rent - and so sought after that we need to book it now, according to IL's - there aren't any available pics online. We will NOT commit to it without seeing any, that's for sure

To pp's question - yes, they're retired and we see MIL every 8 weeks or so, FIL probably 4 times a year (including these vacations). The lake is nice and all, but it wouldn't be OUR nuclear family's vacation of choice necessarily.

I suspect your DH may want to do something different for a change. If he only has 2 weeks of vacation a year and you spend all of it with his parents, and haven't had a vacation on your own in 5 years, maybe you should consider doing something on your own.

Are his parents retired? Can they visit you occasionally? I can't imagine spending every bit of my actual vacation time with parents or in-laws.

Take it into your own hands. Ask the for the rental house's contact info and find out the price and the pictures yourself.

I was one of last summer's IL vacation posters here - we agreed to a rental (with them) without seeing pics because they also were dragging their feet, and we totally regretted it. Our sleeping space didn't fit our family, and the place was a dump. Unless you have a high tolerance for this kind of thing, don't take a chance.

I think it's time you took a family vacation without the ILs, personally, and this seems like a fine time to do it.

I can't imagine spending all my vacation time on one side of the family, even if the other grandparents were dead. That's your time to use as you see fit, not just something the other side gets automatically. And you can host a holiday at your home at some point too.

I would have your husband talk to his sister to find out her plans rather than leave it to your ILs to give you that information.

I would not book a rental without knowing all the details, pictures, price, etc. And I would not allude to the ILs that you are even considering renting without that information. Have you asked them for the owners contact information. I am assuming your ILs don't think you are going to send the contract and check to them to hand over to the owners so at some point you would have to get that information. Once you get the information, I wouldn't necessarily commit to booking if it doesn't work for you and your budget/needs.

It might be hard to completely switch your plans to go somewhere totally different this late. Assuming everyone expected this to be an annual trip, even though it is still January it is something to be bringing up over the summer/fall for the next years plans. Your ILs might be very hurt at what in their mind is last minute plans.

Since you have such a great relationship with them I would try to still make it work out with them for this year. I think you and your husband should spend the next few months discussing your future family vacations and what you want to do. Using your only vacation time for family visits and not creating a family vacation of your own might work for you or it might not work for you. If you decide you really want a week in the summer for just your family then you can start to plan that and adjust your time with your ILs.

I think the location is probably the key here--they want you nearby, and this nearby house is available so it seems like an obvious choice. It might seem like you are quibbling over details.

I agree that you should try to contact the owners yourselves. They might not rent it out often, hence the lack of photos.

As for the fact that the kids will be asleep early--wouldn't that be a problem any way? If it were just you and the grandparents there, would the kids' sleep be getting in the way of adults visiting/getting ready for bed/etc.? Unless you are sharing a giant house made for extended families, which you're not, you'd be dealing with difficult logistics.

I don't think they were planning to host everyone for vacations when they bought the place. It only has two bedrooms.

Honestly, you two sound like babies. DH can't ask his sister if she's going? You can't call the owner of the house yourself to ask for info? Or look for rentals yourself?

Anonymous wrote:Can your husband ask his sister directly about her and her husband's plans? If there a reason why he is waiting for his parents to ask her and her husband if they're coming, rather than asking them himself? I would skip the middleman there and ask SIL and BIL directly, and be crystal clear with them that if they cannot commit for sure at this time (which I would find truly understandable, six months out), then they need to say so to you and to MIL. He should explain to SIL that their choice has a big effect on your family's choice and expenditures, and though he shouldn't pressure her -- he needs to know. "We don't know yet" is an OK answer but it may mean your own family has to either take a risk that you will go ahead and rent a place of your own or take a risk that you'll just stay with the in-laws and possibly be even more cramped.

Even if SIL/BIL don't come, if it were us, I'd go ahead and rent our own place just to have more space and better sleeping arrangements. I get the "what about the kids at night" thing if MIL insists you eat and spend evenings with them, but that would mean you'd just need to be clear before you go that either they come to you and let you host them for some dinners and evenings in your cabin, or they accept that either you or your husband will leave each evening to be in your cabin with your kids.

Hope it works out. You sound like you have lovely in-laws and they mean well but maybe aren't realizing why you want so badly to see pictures.

thanks - this is helpful! They really are great, but I think DH is starting to feel like - if we're going to pay to stay there, maybe we want to spend some of our vacation time at a place of our choosing, if that makes sense. When they bought the cabin it was sort of like - yay, a place for us to host everyone on vacation! - but if we are now paying to spend our summer vacation there at a place we didn't choose and frankly only go to because ILs have the place there, it's less appealing than starting to vacation on our own at somewhere more convenient. That would break MIL's heart though. Ugh!

Can your husband ask his sister directly about her and her husband's plans? If there a reason why he is waiting for his parents to ask her and her husband if they're coming, rather than asking them himself? I would skip the middleman there and ask SIL and BIL directly, and be crystal clear with them that if they cannot commit for sure at this time (which I would find truly understandable, six months out), then they need to say so to you and to MIL. He should explain to SIL that their choice has a big effect on your family's choice and expenditures, and though he shouldn't pressure her -- he needs to know. "We don't know yet" is an OK answer but it may mean your own family has to either take a risk that you will go ahead and rent a place of your own or take a risk that you'll just stay with the in-laws and possibly be even more cramped.

Even if SIL/BIL don't come, if it were us, I'd go ahead and rent our own place just to have more space and better sleeping arrangements. I get the "what about the kids at night" thing if MIL insists you eat and spend evenings with them, but that would mean you'd just need to be clear before you go that either they come to you and let you host them for some dinners and evenings in your cabin, or they accept that either you or your husband will leave each evening to be in your cabin with your kids.

Hope it works out. You sound like you have lovely in-laws and they mean well but maybe aren't realizing why you want so badly to see pictures.

Ask for the contact name and number for this other property and reach out to the person yourselves.

Have you looked on VRBO to see if there's something else available in close proximity?

Will try to keep this short! I love my inlaws, especially my MIL, who treats me like her own daughter. My parents are deceased so we spend all holidays etc with them. We have two very active young boys, 3.5 and 1.

Since the older one was born, we take 2 weeks of vacation to spend with them (pretty much all DH gets - my job is a bit more flexible), one at their summer cabin on a midwestern lake in July and one at their "main" house over Christmas. The lake cabin is VERY small - maybe 1200 square feet - with two bedrooms. One bedroom is IL's and the other has twin beds. Last summer we had DS1 in one bed, DS2 in a pack and play, one parent in the other twin bed, and the other parent on an air mattress in the living room (we switched off). It worked out fine, but the house was VERY crowded with all of our stuff and it felt cramped. We spent most of the time outside but it was definitely not the most comfortable.

DH has a sister who is married and doesn't have kids yet. If they were to come to the lake house at the same time (they didn't last summer because of BIL's work schedule), there wouldn't be room for all of us in the cabin. Since we have more money and more people, it would make sense for us (me, DH and our kids) to rent a nearby house, which we had discussed briefly.

Fast forward to a few months ago. MIL and FIL tell us a cabin a few doors down is available for rent for the week we usually go. We ask for pictures and price. They hem and haw, don't seem to be able to get pictures (wouldn't a person renting out a cabin have pictures online?) but tell us they "looked in the windows" and it's nice. They also don't give us a concrete price. Since then, every time we talk to them (which is a lot) they ask if we've decided to commit to it. MIL sent us pictures the other day of a "similar" house but not the actual one.

So DH, usually laid back, is getting annoyed at them for:
a) trying to push us into renting this house when as far as we know SIL and BIL haven't even committed to coming yet
b) expecting us to spend a bunch of money on a house we haven't seen - if they have the contact info to tell the neighbor we're interested in renting it, can't they ask them for pics?
etc

I'm torn - they obviously really want us to come (asking all the time, sending pics of the similar house, etc). I have no idea whether they want us to rent the other house even if BIL and SIL don't come because it was so crowded last year. But DH's point, which I also get, is that part of the reason we spend ALL of our vacation time with them (they come visit us a lot too, we see them a lot) is because they have free space for us to stay! We love spending time with them but we haven't been on a vacation without them in nearly 5 years, and if we're going to pay to rent a house, we might want it to be at a location of our choosing, closer to home and more conducive to activities for our kids. It's also unclear what we'd do at night, since our kids would be in one house asleep and I'm sure IL's will want to use their kitchen, their campfire, etc.

Latest is that DH has emailed MIL in response to her sending the listing of the similar house and basically said a) we don't feel comfortable spending that much money on a place we haven't seen, can you get pics and b) have SIL and BIL confirmed they're coming (I don't think he has thought of the possibility that IL's might not want us to stay there even if they don't come - I might be making that up anyway).

Sorry this got long. Other than asking her flat-out, which we're trying to do (this is a salt of the earth family, but confrontation of any kind isn't their strong suit), any suggestions for how to handle?