Unless she told her husband she planned to meet with a lawyer and file for divorce, then she blindsided him. And that's dumb. Super dumb.

The smoothest and cheapest divorces are the ones where the two parties act like grown-ups, come to a mutual agreement to end the marriage, and commit to put the needs of the children above everything. The smartest approach is to try to figure out as much as you can without involving lawyers. If you can pretty much agree on most things, then you can involve a mediator to help move things along. Once both sides lawyer up, you are essentially benefitting the lawyers family and screwing yourselves/your family out of money (lots of it).

This is just such a bad move...unless the op and her STBX were essentially living separate lives with separate accounts and separate assets. Even so, he can still launch a battle over essentially anything...

How old is your lawyer, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, had you given your husband no warning at all beforehand, or are PPs reading too much into your post?

OP and I had endlessly said I was tired of never being good enough in his eyes. I told him it could not go on like this much longer and finally one day said enough is enough. I think he was stunned more out of ego than anything else. We did the marriage counseling route and he would never consider anything he did as negative.

PP you're responding to: yes that was my guess - that you'd tried, and things didn't changed.

BTDT: be warned, even though you tried working things out, his astonishment probably doesn't bode well for the divorce process. Protect yourself against backlash. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, had you given your husband no warning at all beforehand, or are PPs reading too much into your post?

OP and I had endlessly said I was tired of never being good enough in his eyes. I told him it could not go on like this much longer and finally one day said enough is enough. I think he was stunned more out of ego than anything else. We did the marriage counseling route and he would never consider anything he did as negative.

New poster here. It very well could be this. When my brother's wife left him, he was so worried what others would think of "him."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, had you given your husband no warning at all beforehand, or are PPs reading too much into your post?

OP and I had endlessly said I was tired of never being good enough in his eyes. I told him it could not go on like this much longer and finally one day said enough is enough. I think he was stunned more out of ego than anything else. We did the marriage counseling route and he would never consider anything he did as negative.

That's not the same thing as saying, "I am divorcing you," before he received papers to read in black and white. Yes, OP, dumb move. If this felt "fun" to you, then that just shows your level of maturity.

Anonymous wrote:OP, had you given your husband no warning at all beforehand, or are PPs reading too much into your post?

OP and I had endlessly said I was tired of never being good enough in his eyes. I told him it could not go on like this much longer and finally one day said enough is enough. I think he was stunned more out of ego than anything else. We did the marriage counseling route and he would never consider anything he did as negative.

Np, dumb question, but aren't you supposed to secure your money before divorce? If so, how can it NOT be a surprise to the other person? You don't want to give them time to shut you down....

OP, had you given your husband no warning at all beforehand, or are PPs reading too much into your post?

^^
Totally agree.

Absolutely stupid move at just about every level. You gain nothing - at least based on what you have disclosed - and you create an environment for lots of conflicts.

Not questioning your decision to end the marriage but how you went about it.

I hope you don't have kids.

Blindsiding someone (anyone) with divorce papers is never wise. Forget the moral implications. I'm talking about strategy. Now you've pissed off the guy. He will likely turn what could have been a relatively simple process into a bloody war. Have fun fighting over every little thing for the next year or so. And have fun paying your lawyer!

Ps - if your lawyer advised this approach, then you are screwed...you have a craptastic lawyer.

Signed,

Lawyer

I hope you don't have kids - and that you are not over 40.

It must have truly been over for you to have blindsided him like that. May you both find better things. Peace and happiness as you move on.

It amazes me how stupid men can be.

Enjoy your new life!

Have you packed your bags and left? That's your next step.

Anonymous wrote:but he shouldn't have been. Ten years and I was tired of nothing ever being good enough. Tired of being compared to these supposed super women who always seem to be in every neighborhood we have lived in. Sp

You clearly don't understand men. He will make someone a great husband. You my peach will always be unhappy.

but he shouldn't have been. Ten years and I was tired of nothing ever being good enough. Tired of being compared to these supposed super women who always seem to be in every neighborhood we have lived in. Sp