I had a cousin who was married to a guy who developed MS. He became abusive due to his anger at losing mobility and began an affair with his home health aide who took care of him while his wife was at work to afford his health insurance, and all his health needs.

So she divorced him. I don't think she's wrong.

I don't think anyone has asked the important question here: WHY do you want to divorce the spouse with the chronic illness?

Is it because you can't deal with the illness/it's ramifications - e.g. spouse is depressed/cannot work/change in lifestyle/financial situation?

Or is it unrelated to the illness? E.g. did you find out he was cheating on you after you found out he had MS?

Some states allow divorce BUT you have to keep the ill person on your insurance and if they can't work pay alimony so really, why the f did you marry if you had no intentions of staying married once the illness took effect ?

If you had a kid with a chronic illness, would you leave it too ?

This damn forum is disgusting sometimes. Cold hearted people, giving up because life is hard. If the shoe were on YOUR foot I'll bet you'd shit your pants if you found out your loved one was thinking about abandoning you.

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine leaving someone you love when they are in need. It makes me think you didn't truly love them in the first place.


In my own family experience, the person who left his long-term girlfriend when she got a cancer diagnosis was both week and very self-centered. He's was in it when it benefitted him. And gone when it didn't. I will never look at him in the same way again.

I am late 30s and still not married. And a lot of that is because I ask myself, do I want to take care of this person if he gets cancer or hit by a bus? And if the answer is no.....then I figure I shouldn't marry him.

OP if you are in this situation I deeply sympathize with you. Being that I am in this situation, I think every situation is different and I would not be judgemental until I hear both sides. My DH was in an accident that left him quadriplegic and with a mild TBI one year after we got married. It has been 3 years now. It has been very tough for me emotionally. I have almost zero support from his side of his family so that doesn't make it easy but I will stick it out and give him the best care and companionship to the very end because I love him and we married each other in sickness and in health.

If you're thinking of divorce and spouse gets real sick... Forget about divorce ... Develop your compassion and sacrifice . It's why we are here on this Earth.

Marriage vows don't mean a damn thing as is apparent from many threads on this forum.

It would be more appropriate to take a vow that you promise to stay together until you change your mind.

Anonymous wrote:I know that society will probably look down on it, But are there any circumstances where it is okay to do for the mouse with a chronic illness such as MS or something like that. Or do you just stick it out with the person for ever and considerate your cross to bear?

You made vows, one of which was, In sickness and in health." obviously, it meant nothing to you. Your cross to bear? How about the person who has the disease ? You sound so horrible that this person may be better off without you.

Anonymous wrote:If you married with the premise of for "better or worse, in sickness or health," then I'd figure out a way to stay. Otherwise, who gives a fuck, do what you want and what you'd want done unto you.

sounds like you've never been through anything remotely similar, so there's no possible way you could ever understand

That is a very personal decision and one no one should judge. An impossible situation for both parties. Having said that, I'm married to someone older and can't imagine abandoning him or being without him despite his condition.

If you married with the premise of for "better or worse, in sickness or health," then I'd figure out a way to stay. Otherwise, who gives a fuck, do what you want and what you'd want done unto you.

NP-you can only take so much. I'm 11 years into a severe chronic illness. I'm never going to divorce, just live separately while providing all necessary care, housing etc. How long does society require the caregiver to be celibate?

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine leaving someone you love when they are in need. It makes me think you didn't truly love them in the first place.


In my own family experience, the person who left his long-term girlfriend when she got a cancer diagnosis was both week and very self-centered. He's was in it when it benefitted him. And gone when it didn't. I will never look at him in the same way again.

I feel the same about Newt Gingrich.

I can't imagine leaving someone you love when they are in need. It makes me think you didn't truly love them in the first place.


In my own family experience, the person who left his long-term girlfriend when she got a cancer diagnosis was both week and very self-centered. He's was in it when it benefitted him. And gone when it didn't. I will never look at him in the same way again.

I know that society will probably look down on it, But are there any circumstances where it is okay to do for the mouse with a chronic illness such as MS or something like that. Or do you just stick it out with the person for ever and considerate your cross to bear?