Anonymous wrote:I hate to bring it up, but what would happen if she passes away? Do you need the few resources you have to travel for a funeral, or arrange her affairs?

Of course you'd rather spend the money to see her alive, but practically speaking...

I don't think you'll get much of a reasoned response here. Most of the people on this board seem to know nothing about what it's like to scrape by, with credit cards virtually maxed.

OP here. Exactly what I was thinking. If I go now, and she passes away, I won't be able to go back.

To answer some of the questions, it wouldn't be good for my well being to be away from my DD. Her dad and I are not together and he has never taken her for more than a night, never wanted to. And it would be good for everyone's morale and my mother's health to see her. Flights are around $375 for each of us. There is no one to drive us around, so car is necessary. We would stay somewhere cheap, like $80 a night, maybe I could get something for less online. Still, that's more than $1200, without food. I could probably save enough to get us there over the summer. But my heart wants to go NOW.

My brothers are paying rent for my aunt, where Mom used to live, so they're tapped out. Their apartment is not an option either, sadly, they're hoarders and it's disgusting. Thanks much for trying to think of options with me.

I'm going to weigh in and tell you that it's okay not to go. Would your mother really want you to spend your only financial cushion and lose your chance to move in order to see her for a couple of days? You both have had a loving relationship for many years (it sounds like) -- a couple of days one way or another will not change that. You really need to not judge yourself if you can't make it. I second the recommendation of Skype calls. I think if you asked your mother, she would want this to be one last gift to you -- the gift of not ruining your finances. For many elderly, one of their biggest worries is that their children will drive themselves to financial ruin by trying to take care of them.

Could you leave your daughter with a friend?

Does your mother have the money to give you?

I hate to bring it up, but what would happen if she passes away? Do you need the few resources you have to travel for a funeral, or arrange her affairs?

Of course you'd rather spend the money to see her alive, but practically speaking...

I don't think you'll get much of a reasoned response here. Most of the people on this board seem to know nothing about what it's like to scrape by, with credit cards virtually maxed.

I would go. can you pick up some extra money babysitting or selling some things from your home? cancel cable? eat really lean meals for a couple months.
find a good friend of DD and see if she can stay with a family for a few days. as a mom and daughter that's dealt with this I would have no problem offering to help out many of my daughter's classmates by watching their child. that should cut your costs in half almost. does your mom have a church or do you? any org willing to not just give you cash, but maybe pay for the ticket?

I wonder if there is a charitable organization that would help you out. I know the Red Cross has paid for similar trips for soldiers. If there's a Ronald McDonald House near the nursing home, you might get some very cheap lodging. Is there a charity that collects donated frequent flyer miles?

Do you have relatives who could help with the costs? Or start a gofundme account.

It would depend on what specifically if is. Can you do a Skype call? We have a computer with Skype in my moms room so we can call.

Could you leave DD home with someone and go alone to save money? Is a hire car necessary? Find somewhere cheap to stay?

Anonymous wrote:This is a situation where I would put it on a credit card

Don't have anywhere near enough credit to pay for the trip.

Is there a time in the next few months when you and DD could go for more than just a few days? Save aggressively and plan to go when you can stay maybe a week or so. She's stabilized now and in a nursing home.

This is a situation where I would put it on a credit card

I'd go.

Mom's only 59, has been housebound and pretty much immobile for probably 2 years now. She has been in and out of the hospital for the past month or so and has finally, hopefully stabilized. She just moved into a nursing home.

I last visited in October 2014. I would really like to go and see her again, but my budget is very limited. She is across the country and I would have to pay for 2 airfares (myself and DD), rental car, and hotel. It's a huge amount of money to spend if I go for just a few days.

If I go, I would jeopardize my plans to move and lose the (tiny) financial cushion I have. I'm terrified she will die and I won't see her again. I want to go so much, but I can't really afford it. I don't want to regret not going if she passes away. It's a terrible feeling, and I'm not sure what to do.