Ok. I'll tell you a secret. I just posted yesterday about getting back on the working out horse after a long time on bedrest and then having a stillborn.

I have not had sex with my husband in months. Before the bedrest, I was one of those people who made sure I initiated at least once a week. I went into labor on Thanksgiving, and then obviously after the birth it's six weeks until you're cleared to have sex. But .... i just can't bring myself to.

Every night I'm like "Okay, you gotta give him a green light, he put it on you after you rejected him seven times in a row. Do it tonight." And then every night I'm like .... flannel ducky pajamas, you are my best friend. I can't bring myself to have sex anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me.

We're in a pretty challenging stretch right now, mainly because he's so checked out. My plan had been to take this year and really work on myself to see to what extent the issues in our marriage really were me, vs. him/the marriage, and then decide what to do about the marriage going forward. Reading the other thread about lies people tell themselves when divorcing, though, has me reconsidering. I can't change him or force him to engage with the family, but I have the means to make myself happy in our home and with our kids, and he can basically be the roommate. If at some point he wakes up and realizes he wants to be part of the family, we will welcome him with open arms, but in the meantime we'll be happy on our own.

Anonymous wrote:DH is in one of his periodic funks where he's down on himself and feeling unappreciated by me. I'm trying to be supportive, but it's getting old-especially since we have little kids who need 24/7 attention and aren't sleeping well. I love him to pieces, but I'm just tired and that doesn't make for me being in coddling mode.

I'm going to try to make the extra effort, because he actually talked to me about how he's feeling which is rare, but it's hard because when he's in these moods he tends to take everything the wrong way and I have to be really careful about how I react to everything.

Does he support you? If so, turnabout is fair play. If not, I can see why it's tough for you.

DH is in one of his periodic funks where he's down on himself and feeling unappreciated by me. I'm trying to be supportive, but it's getting old-especially since we have little kids who need 24/7 attention and aren't sleeping well. I love him to pieces, but I'm just tired and that doesn't make for me being in coddling mode.

I'm going to try to make the extra effort, because he actually talked to me about how he's feeling which is rare, but it's hard because when he's in these moods he tends to take everything the wrong way and I have to be really careful about how I react to everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am single after a divorce this past summer. I am a lot happier than I thought I would be. It was a blessing in disguise.

I'll never again stay in a relationship where there are any signs of things not going well. If we don't give the problem immediate attention, I'm out.

Bailing at the first sign of trouble. That's just smart.

Did you read past that statement

" If we don't give the problem immediate attention, I'm out"

I'm done with telling myself it will just resolve itself. If my partner and I are not willing to begin taking action on an obvious problem, we aren't dedicated anymore.

DH and I have been having a really rough time the past few months, coming after two years of mutual anger and resentment. Things are so bad that we're sleeping in separate rooms, for the first time in our 11 years of marriage. But last night was really good. Our toddler was coughing and vomiting and didn't get to sleep until midnight. AND, our cat got sick - there was vomit and diarrhea everywhere. We were up until 3:30 am cleaning everything up. But we did it all together. He bathed our son, and I bathed the cat. He cleaned the furniture, and I cleaned the carpets. He worked on the laundry, and I took out the trash and made us something to eat. We took a break around 1:00 am and ate together while watching part of a movie, then we got back to work. He didn't disappear, and I wasn't stressed and frustrated. When our son woke up cranky and calling for me at his usual time this morning I was exhausted, but the first thing I felt was: grateful. Grateful I wasn't doing it all alone the night before, grateful that my husband was there to help. Who could have thought such a night could end up feeling so good?

sex has been better than ever. dh starting to talk about wanting kids. i want it too, but i'm not good with change, even good change. i like my life now, and worry about the uncertainty and stress that a baby brings.

Anonymous wrote:I am single after a divorce this past summer. I am a lot happier than I thought I would be. It was a blessing in disguise.

I'll never again stay in a relationship where there are any signs of things not going well. If we don't give the problem immediate attention, I'm out.

Bailing at the first sign of trouble. That's just smart.

I am single after a divorce this past summer. I am a lot happier than I thought I would be. It was a blessing in disguise.

I'll never again stay in a relationship where there are any signs of things not going well. If we don't give the problem immediate attention, I'm out.

I haven't cried myself to sleep in 10 days. Husband has been working nights or I have went to bed with the baby. I wonder how long I can keep avoiding him.

Anonymous wrote:When it's good I am in heaven. When it's bad I want to jump into the potomac

+1

When it's good I am in heaven. When it's bad I want to jump into the potomac

It's killing me. Sometimes I wake up because I can't breathe

My wife and I had a nice evening last night - just around the house after putting the kids to bed. She looked nice, we joked, watched some good shows, a little light cuddling.

I couldn't decide whether to elevate it to sex. I wanted to. But she seemed tired. And I didn't want to fall into the "you're only ever nice to me for sex" category. So I didn't. But, then I felt like an indecisive schmuck and an asshole because indecisiveness and passiveness aren't sexy.

So, I diminished a completely pleasant evening through a debate that was entirely within my head. My wife has no idea.

I can't sleep. Looking to read about someone else's life/relationship. Share share.