Sorry for your loss OP. It's a roller coaster. It gets better, then it'll get worse. You'll think you're doing well and it'll hit you out of nowhere. After a few years you will be better. You'll be able to think about him without losing it, and able to start remembering and smiling.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. And yes, it does get better. I swear to you that the pain you are feeling now will fade to something that makes you smile when you think of your father instead of cry. My advice is cry when you need to and don't cry when you don't have to.

This is life.

I'm sorry, OP. My dad died in 2001 and I still get bummed about it (don't cry, but get flashes of regret). One of the PPs said "the firsts" of anything without your dad is hard, and I agree.

Also, things you would do that your dad would likely have participated in are hard (not as hard as that first year, though). For example, my dad was a scientist and teacher, so let's say my DC says, "in the fall, why do some leaves turn yellow, and some turn orange or red," ugh I know my dad would know the answer and it would be so easy to have asked him. There is so much knowledge that died with him; my kids would have loved talking with him.

This never goes away. Just yesterday I was telling my DC a story my dad told me about a rooster he had when he was six. It just came up in conversation.

Another thing that's sort of wild is knowing that you knew someone who lived through a time that you did not. For instance, my dad was 50 when I was born, and I'm almost 50, so my dad was born in 1915. The Great Depression was huge for him. Right now my DH and I are watching Steve Buscemi in "Boardwalk Empire," about the Prohibition years, and I'm thinking, wow, my dad lived at this time…they used kerosene lamps…they had finished with The Great War (WWI) and thought there would never be another war, they hadn't heard of Adolf Hitler, etc.

One of the better ways I've dealt this this is to re-focus on who is left alive (like, my mom). So, for example, I'd ask mom about if she had chickens when she was young, and if not, how she got their eggs…this is a good way to have conversations that you never would have thought to have with your elders.

My thoughts are with you, OP

Anonymous wrote:The "firsts" of everything will be hard (1st Christmas, 1st bday, etc) w/o him. Embrace the crying it helps release the emotional hormones.

Sorry Op. Also, w/o my Dad.

Besides the 1st, just know and accept that major things in your life will probably be harder on you. My dad died a year ago and I was looking at buying a new car at the time. It's taken me a full year to get to the point that I was able to do it because I used to call and talk through things like that with him. I am graduating with my MS this May and am having trouble convincing myself that I should attend graduation because he won't be there. Most days I'm okay, but some days I still just start crying in the car and it lasts a few minutes and I'm able to get on with it.

The "firsts" of everything will be hard (1st Christmas, 1st bday, etc) w/o him. Embrace the crying it helps release the emotional hormones.

Sorry Op. Also, w/o my Dad.

It will be okay because you remember him. I know it's really hard rigt now, and for that I am so sorry. Eventually when you think of him you'll remember instead of regret, and that's when you'll be getting better. I lost my mom in a freak accident as a 4 year old and I remember nothing about her, but I still grieve for her and cry more than I'd like to admit. Losing someone is always going to be tough, but you'll get through it.

It's going to be okay, OP. I lost my dad years ago, and I still miss him. It gets "different" with time, and you learn to reflect differently. I will not say it gets "easier" with time, but it is okay - not everything gets easier, least of all our most significant losses.

It is okay to reflect and talk about him. He was here to be remembered.

My father died the week after Thanksgiving in 2013. Over a year out, I still will randomly start crying. It does get easier and you do learn to manage it. My brother died 13 years ago and grieving the two of them have been very different processes. Take things as they come and remember it does get easier eventually.

Thank you all so much for the words of support. It really helps me feel less alone, and I appreciate it. I am so sorry for your losses as well.

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your loss. My dad is dying. It is very hard.

Mine too. I'm sorry, OP. No one knows when it won't be so hard. Each person grieves differently. Have you spoken to a counselor? Read any books about grief? I've been through it with the death of a sibling, and there are definite stages. I had to take an anti depressant because I couldn't get the crying under control. My sibling has been gone 14 years, and I still cry about it a few times a week. It will always hurt. Be kind to yourself.

I lost my sister 10 yrs ago and I still cry frequently. Sorry you are dealing with this. It will come and go.

So sorry for your loss. My dad is dying. It is very hard.

My mom died 5 years ago, and I still cry when I think about her sometimes. She was my best friend.

You're still in the thick of it, though. Those early months of grief seem like a swamp to me now. After the first two weeks of desolation, I was in survival mode for several months. It was honestly a long slow slog to feeling better, and maybe I remember feeling normalish 6-8 month later?

But! It's so different for different people. There's no right way to get through this. And it is honestly better to slog through it now than have it flare up later. I went back to my old therapist, which was really helpful.

It gets easier to live with, and I now go days without thinking about her, but I know I will never be "over it."

I'm so sorry for your loss.

So sorry OP! I lost my Dad suddenly about 3 years ago. One of the hardest things I've been through to date. The pain lessens though you will feel like a zombie the first few months. I still think about my Dad everyday.

Lost my very beloved dad just before Thanksgiving. I don't cry easily in general, but seem to end each night crying to DH about how much I miss my dad; fortunately, he has been very patient and supportive. When will I begin to feel okay again?