Correct your MIL in front of your child and step in to do whatever parenting action you feel is right. And never leave her alone with Grandma until she is old enough to know that Grandma is full of shit.

PS I love that your MIL gives her children no acknowledgement for being top students. It is all about her. I know a woman who takes full credit for her son's impressive accomplishments in his work by having a message on her phone that identifies her as, "This is John Smith's mother".

Kids will figure stuff like this out for themselves. My mom has some very strong religious beliefs that we don't agree with, which she discusses all of the time. DS is 5 and just ignores her. He isn't confused by whether he should agree with her.

Anonymous wrote:Kids do not need to be hugged every single time they fall down. Kids need to build resilience and coming to their rescue for a little fall... not a good plan.

So ...

Can you give another example of something she does?

I agree the Ivy degree probably is a detriment when it comes to EQ situations. Good for you seeking help in that area.

DC has foam letters he plays with. MIL asks him to give her the "H" and if he doesn't choose the "H" MIL tells him he isn't listening or paying attention.

It's not even things like no hugs I have a problem with - it is the assessing of blame.

Kids do not need to be hugged every single time they fall down. Kids need to build resilience and coming to their rescue for a little fall... not a good plan.

So ...

Can you give another example of something she does?

I agree the Ivy degree probably is a detriment when it comes to EQ situations. Good for you seeking help in that area.

Anonymous wrote:Has she already made these comments to your 2 year old? Or are you anticipating the nasty comments to start soon?

You have to deal with each comment as she says it. Correct her right there on the spot. Show your son you have his back and will stand up for him. Actions speak louder than words.

OP here - Yes, the "a monkey could put this puzzle together - you aren't concentrating" type comments have already begun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother-in-law is insufferable. She is the least empathetic person I have ever known and very tough. (example: if you fall down it's your own fault - no hugs, kissing or holding - you just get blamed for not being careful). All three of her children graduated from Ivy League universities so she thinks that everything she did raising them was right. There is no talking to her about this subject. DH has told her many times that her way of raising children is not how we plan to raise ours.

I can handle her - I knew what I was getting into when I married DH.

My question is: how do I tell DS that his Grandma is full of shit and and his Dad and I don't agree with her? He's only 2 now but Grandma's comments are going to start to sink in at some point and I'm not sure how to mitigate any damage without bad-mouthing her to DS.

TIA

Ugh. As a teacher I can tell you that your kids are going to be the ones who cry for attention constantly because they ever so slightly hurt themselves. Instead of reflecting and learning to be careful they just sit there and cry and cry waiting for hugs, kisses, and holding. Please consider some of the things your MIL has to say, she has been there, done that.

Sorry you hate your job. But I don't think that picking up a two-year-old when they fall and giving hugs is going to make them attention seekers for the rest of their lives.

NOTE TO OP: NEVER give an example on DCUM as it will be take to represent ALL parenting actions and behaviors.

Anonymous wrote:All three of her children graduated from Ivys? You have one two year old? You might want to consider listening to at least some of what she says.

Signed,

Mom of college kids

OP here and I am an Ivy graduate as well. Trust me, I know how little an Ivy degree truly means. And my parents managed to get me into that school without a lack of empathy.

I had a similar issue with my own mother but on a more limited issue - Religion. My mother told DD that her Daddy was not going to go to heaven because he didn't accept "the lord Jesus into his life". LOL I overheard this comment and told DD, in front of her grandmother, that Grandma was silly (the kid equivalent of being full of shit) and that she was wrong. My mother was hurt but I told her later that if she did not want me to embarrass her in front of my children that she should stop talking about religion.

Has she already made these comments to your 2 year old? Or are you anticipating the nasty comments to start soon?

You have to deal with each comment as she says it. Correct her right there on the spot. Show your son you have his back and will stand up for him. Actions speak louder than words.

Anonymous wrote:My mother-in-law is insufferable. She is the least empathetic person I have ever known and very tough. (example: if you fall down it's your own fault - no hugs, kissing or holding - you just get blamed for not being careful). All three of her children graduated from Ivy League universities so she thinks that everything she did raising them was right. There is no talking to her about this subject. DH has told her many times that her way of raising children is not how we plan to raise ours.

I can handle her - I knew what I was getting into when I married DH.

My question is: how do I tell DS that his Grandma is full of shit and and his Dad and I don't agree with her? He's only 2 now but Grandma's comments are going to start to sink in at some point and I'm not sure how to mitigate any damage without bad-mouthing her to DS.

TIA

Ugh. As a teacher I can tell you that your kids are going to be the ones who cry for attention constantly because they ever so slightly hurt themselves. Instead of reflecting and learning to be careful they just sit there and cry and cry waiting for hugs, kisses, and holding. Please consider some of the things your MIL has to say, she has been there, done that.

If your son trips and falls and she blames him, you can say, "Don't worry, sweetie. Accidents happen and everyone trips at some point. Let me give you a hug to make you feel better." In other words, just say your message and ignore grandma's. If yours contradicts hers, so be it. Having his back and raising him your way are the most important things. As he gets older, you can explain that grandma has her own way of looking at things, and your way is sometimes very different. He should respect grandma but listen to you, and come to you if he ever has questions. You can also gently call her out at the time, like "oh, Larla, everyone trips, don't they? It's not about blaming, is it?"

He's 2. I would choose your words carefully, and instead teach him to be polite to her, if you intend to allow her around your children.

All three of her children graduated from Ivys? You have one two year old? You might want to consider listening to at least some of what she says.

Signed,

Mom of college kids

I try and stay away from toxic people. Can you distance yourself and family from her?

My mother-in-law is insufferable. She is the least empathetic person I have ever known and very tough. (example: if you fall down it's your own fault - no hugs, kissing or holding - you just get blamed for not being careful). All three of her children graduated from Ivy League universities so she thinks that everything she did raising them was right. There is no talking to her about this subject. DH has told her many times that her way of raising children is not how we plan to raise ours.

I can handle her - I knew what I was getting into when I married DH.

My question is: how do I tell DS that his Grandma is full of shit and and his Dad and I don't agree with her? He's only 2 now but Grandma's comments are going to start to sink in at some point and I'm not sure how to mitigate any damage without bad-mouthing her to DS.

TIA