Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 18:10     Subject: Re:help me justify this
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't go or tell your mom before hand. You are being really unfair to the bride if you don't resolve or avoid the likely drama at her wedding.


Agree with this. Tell your mother well beforehand.


Absolutely.

"Mom, it looks like I will see you at Larla's wedding next week. I wanted you to know beforehand that I was married in 20XX to a wonderful (fill-in-the-race) man and we have a daughter, though my husband and child won't be in attendance. I look forward to celebrating Larla's big day as I know you are too.

Sincerely,
Susie"
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:33     Subject: help me justify this
Not unreasonable at all, please do this OP and report back here how it went.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:33     Subject: Re:help me justify this
Anonymous wrote:Don't go or tell your mom before hand. You are being really unfair to the bride if you don't resolve or avoid the likely drama at her wedding.


Agree with this. Tell your mother well beforehand.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:29     Subject: help me justify this
Anonymous wrote:
No matter what she says or does, you stay calm, quiet, classy. No matter what she says you redirect to Jessica and Jason's wedding, quietly and calmly. That way no matter what she says or does, it reflects poorly on HER, not you.


Exactly this, OP.

Whatever she accuses you of, be gracious and noncommittant because you want to look good. Rebuff every personal question and animated whispers and finger-pointing about, presumably, your spouse and your child. Stand up straight and smile graciously, and be extra lovely to everyone around you.




Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:27     Subject: help me justify this
I understand your desire, but you'd basically be asking all of these people to lie (by omission) for you. This is unethical, not to mention rude (imagine how the bride and groom will feel!). You've already effectively cut out your mom droll your life. What are you worried about?
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:24     Subject: help me justify this
No, don't do that. It's extremely inappropriate (and a little bit crazy that you think it would actually work). It would not be out of the question to ask the family member who's getting married that you should not be seated near your mother and explain why. Go ahead and take the hubby (and kid if invited). Walk away if she goes off on you. Let the world know what she is.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:21     Subject: help me justify this
Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are crazy. You will create more drama by asking 150 people to keep a secret as huge as an adorable baby. That is inappropriate at someone else's wedding.

You are a grown woman who is married with a daughter. Put on your big girl panties and hold your head high. If your mother is all "WHAT? YOU MARRIED A BLACK GUY?" you look her straight in the eyes and say "This is Jessica's wedding and she deserves a day of everyone here celebrating her marriage to Jason. We can talk about my marriage another time. Good day, Mother."

No matter what she says or does, you stay calm, quiet, classy. No matter what she says you redirect to Jessica and Jason's wedding, quietly and calmly. That way no matter what she says or does, it reflects poorly on HER, not you.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:18     Subject: help me justify this
Yes, you are crazy. You will create more drama by asking 150 people to keep a secret as huge as an adorable baby. That is inappropriate at someone else's wedding.

You are a grown woman who is married with a daughter. Put on your big girl panties and hold your head high. If your mother is all "WHAT? YOU MARRIED A BLACK GUY?" you look her straight in the eyes and say "This is Jessica's wedding and she deserves a day of everyone here celebrating her marriage to Jason. We can talk about my marriage another time. Good day, Mother."

No matter what she says or does, you stay calm, quiet, classy. No matter what she says you redirect to Jessica and Jason's wedding, quietly and calmly. That way no matter what she says or does, it reflects poorly on HER, not you.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:11     Subject: Re:help me justify this
Anonymous wrote:Don't cause a scene at someone elses wedding. That is not the time to cause a scene.


Weddings are no fun if some scandal doesn't happen. Let loose on Mommy Dearest, everyone will remember what a crazy wedding it was. My sisters wedding ended up with most of the wedding party being carted off to jail for drunk and disorderly in their tuxedo's and fine fancy dresses. Still laugh about it to this day. Not so fun on the day it happen, but later turned into a riot. If this is any sort of friend whose wedding you are attending they will be supportive of you and not think you "ruined" their wedding.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:09     Subject: Re:help me justify this
Don't go or tell your mom before hand. You are being really unfair to the bride if you don't resolve or avoid the likely drama at her wedding.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:04     Subject: Re:help me justify this
Don't cause a scene at someone elses wedding. That is not the time to cause a scene.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 17:01     Subject: help me justify this
Anonymous wrote:My mom is a nightmare, freak show, racist bigot, etcetera. She's verbally abusive to the point of fairly tale stepmother behavior, and leaves a trail of chaos and tears wherever she goes. This behavior started about ten years ago, before that she was a decent mom and a lovely woman. No idea where it's coming from but with the things she's said to me I don't have any interest in knowing. I've largely cut her out and see her, at most, once every two years for a day at someone else's house or an official function. 18 months ago I got married to the man of my dreams (of another race, as well) and two months ago our wonderful baby girl was born. My mom knows of none of this and I want to keep her in the dark. She'll be judgmental and honestly I don't want my kid to have to deal with her. I have to see her in a month at a wedding, there's no way to get around it (believe me, I've tried.) I'm considering sending out a notice to everyone at the wedding, about 150-200 people (or asking the host to do so) requesting that my family not be mentioned. Am I being crazy here? Help me. Thanks.


Who cares if she knows. It is her problem and you are making it yours. I hope you take your husband and child to the wedding with you and parade them right in front of her. Let her have a hissy fit in front of everyone and she will only be embarrassing herself. If she doesn't want a relationship with her grandchild due to race, once again her problem not yours. Verbally abusive to me and you get it right back at you. Yeah I know it is your mother and you want to be respectful and all but doesn't sound like she is doing the same. Your marriage, pregnancy and child are not a dirty secret. Stop treating them like they are. Send a note to the entire wedding guest list to keep a secret about your marriage and child? Really? Seriously?

Grow a pair and stand up to your mother, if for nothing else do it for your child.

You may also want to remind her that one day she is going to be old and dependent on you for things....like what nursing home she is going to go to.


Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 16:53     Subject: Re:help me justify this
Unless you want all of those guests to say the same thing about you as you are saying about your mother (being crazy), no, you can't send them a note. Not to mention it's a wedding! The wedding is about a bride not a guest. If you think you can't avoid confrontation or a scene, then do the bride and groom a favor and decline the invite.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 16:52     Subject: help me justify this
What do you mean by "that my family not be mentioned?" Do you mean for people who talk to your mom - not to tell her that you/family are coming to the wedding so that she'll be surprised that you'll be there? So sorry your mom is the way she is. Congrats on the marriage and baby.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2015 16:47     Subject: help me justify this
My mom is a nightmare, freak show, racist bigot, etcetera. She's verbally abusive to the point of fairly tale stepmother behavior, and leaves a trail of chaos and tears wherever she goes. This behavior started about ten years ago, before that she was a decent mom and a lovely woman. No idea where it's coming from but with the things she's said to me I don't have any interest in knowing. I've largely cut her out and see her, at most, once every two years for a day at someone else's house or an official function. 18 months ago I got married to the man of my dreams (of another race, as well) and two months ago our wonderful baby girl was born. My mom knows of none of this and I want to keep her in the dark. She'll be judgmental and honestly I don't want my kid to have to deal with her. I have to see her in a month at a wedding, there's no way to get around it (believe me, I've tried.) I'm considering sending out a notice to everyone at the wedding, about 150-200 people (or asking the host to do so) requesting that my family not be mentioned. Am I being crazy here? Help me. Thanks.