Good for him.

Anonymous wrote:And if you played any role in creating the hostility between you and his family, then shame on you.

It hasn't always been easy, but I've made a point of never criticizing my in-laws...even when provoked. And I've encouraged DH to call his parents and siblings. And I've always made myself and our children available to his family...even when it's on their terms. In short, there's no reason for my in-laws to complain about me. And guess what? They've really come around. No more drama.

Sometimes DILs can be evil bitches.

And many times Dils aren't evil bitches. I don't think you actually read much of ops post. Glad being the doormat worked for you. Doesn't mean it will for anyone else. If your ils want to hate you, they will. I can't control another adults behavior but I won't put up with toxic people.

Anonymous wrote:And if you played any role in creating the hostility between you and his family, then shame on you.

It hasn't always been easy, but I've made a point of never criticizing my in-laws...even when provoked. And I've encouraged DH to call his parents and siblings. And I've always made myself and our children available to his family...even when it's on their terms. In short, there's no reason for my in-laws to complain about me. And guess what? They've really come around. No more drama.

Sometimes DILs can be evil bitches.

I think you're confused about what toxic relationships and abuse really entail.

So smart of you to not appear too celebratory to your DH. It takes a lot of determination to stake boundaries with toxic family members. Glad he found the fortitude.

Woo hoo! I'm so happy for you! It took my DH 10 years after his mother's death to acknowledge her toxicity. I know how you're feeling!

Anonymous wrote:And if you played any role in creating the hostility between you and his family, then shame on you.

It hasn't always been easy, but I've made a point of never criticizing my in-laws...even when provoked. And I've encouraged DH to call his parents and siblings. And I've always made myself and our children available to his family...even when it's on their terms. In short, there's no reason for my in-laws to complain about me. And guess what? They've really come around. No more drama.

Sometimes DILs can be evil bitches.

Thank You for your input. I have been encouraging my husband to keep up with updates with his family over the past year or so (as I had always done before) and have always made our children available. His family has no interest in having a relationship with our children unfortunately, whether we lived nearby or far away. They are only interested in child/son/brother relationship. There is nothing I could say to make it better, it just is what it is. Husband sees that now that we decided he is the main communicator. Before this arrangement, we always chalked things up to me misunderstanding them. He clearly see this now. I am not the evil bitch in this scenario.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this may or may not go without saying, but try to not be too celebratory i. Front of your DH. Even if it's the right decision and it leads to more happiness in your lives, it's still his family and it hurts to cut off contact.

Thank you. I know he will likely be pulled back in at some point, perhaps during the next family crisis etc. I am proud of him for taking care of himself though and support him. We haven't talked about his communication black out as I do not want to appear celebratory and came here to vent it a bit. I also know not to trust his family whatsoever and that they will take any opportunity to come back in.

And if you played any role in creating the hostility between you and his family, then shame on you.

It hasn't always been easy, but I've made a point of never criticizing my in-laws...even when provoked. And I've encouraged DH to call his parents and siblings. And I've always made myself and our children available to his family...even when it's on their terms. In short, there's no reason for my in-laws to complain about me. And guess what? They've really come around. No more drama.

Sometimes DILs can be evil bitches.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this may or may not go without saying, but try to not be too celebratory i. Front of your DH. Even if it's the right decision and it leads to more happiness in your lives, it's still his family and it hurts to cut off contact.

+1

He will likely get sucked back in to his family drama.

OP, this may or may not go without saying, but try to not be too celebratory i. Front of your DH. Even if it's the right decision and it leads to more happiness in your lives, it's still his family and it hurts to cut off contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After more than 20 years of terrible treatment, husband cut off his family. Yahooo! The holidays were amazing this year!

Stay strong and expect that sometimes emotions will run high about the break, even at unexplained moments. You're in this together and with support from one another to lean on, it can lead you to greater emotional health and freedom. Congrats!!!!

OP here, thanks! I was surprised that he did take that step. I have been trying for years to be supportive and gently express boundaries (for me and the kids.). It has been difficult and I knew eventually he would come around. I guess the messages from his family filled with hate (for me) and almost encouraging failure (for him) had finally gotten to my husband. Staying out of all communications with his family in 2013 and 2014 was the best decision that I have made in all of this.

Anonymous wrote:After more than 20 years of terrible treatment, husband cut off his family. Yahooo! The holidays were amazing this year!

Stay strong and expect that sometimes emotions will run high about the break, even at unexplained moments. You're in this together and with support from one another to lean on, it can lead you to greater emotional health and freedom. Congrats!!!!

Congratulations!

After more than 20 years of terrible treatment, husband cut off his family. Yahooo! The holidays were amazing this year!