Anonymous wrote:I don't plan to give my ES children phones, but my decision has nothing to do with you and your family.

In that case, if you do, be sure to tell the children not to ask other children if they can text them. Because the minute you do that, it does become about me and my family.

10:17 here. I should have added that not only doesn't my elementary schooler have a smart phone, my 12-year-old and 17-year-olds don't either. It's not something I care to pay for, and neither of them can afford them on their own. My older kids have "dumbish" phones that text but have limited internet and very small screens, making internet activities extremely slow and dissatisfying.

Just because your kids weren't raised to the point that you can trust them has no bearing on me and mine. I gave my 1st grader a 5c iPhone so he has something for emergencies. It has been perfectly fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my problem that you "aren't ready." This is how things work today - deal with it or go off the grid.

Typical DC Asshole response. Try to do better by your kids, OK?

I think it's a lot more assholish to try to dictate what other people get for their children because they aren't secure enough in their decisions to deal with their child's whining. If OP was confident she was right, she would tell her child how it was and not care about the protests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my problem that you "aren't ready." This is how things work today - deal with it or go off the grid.

Typical DC Asshole response. Try to do better by your kids, OK?

Pot meet kettle. You do realize judging the way other people raise their kids is just as much "DC asshole" behavior as dismissing other people's concerns, right?

And if it bothers you, it's okay. It's still the same principle. Some kids have, and some don't. It's your choice as a parent. Just because some kids "have" doesn't mean your kids have to, too. I guarantee there are a lot of kids they know that "have not" as well, for a variety of reasons. Likewise, there are kids that have for a variety of reasons (eg. Parents already own iPhone 3 or 4 and SIM so it's cheaper than getting a non smart phone).

My DS is a 5th grader, but in a DC middle school. Most of his friends have smart phones, he has a pay-as-you-go dumb phone. I definitely hear whining about it. I think its just part of life with kids. It's great for a conversation about values and wealth - I'd probably rather not have that conversation quite as often, but it is what it is.

How old is your child?

I don't plan to give my ES children phones, but my decision has nothing to do with you and your family.

Anonymous wrote:Not my problem that you "aren't ready." This is how things work today - deal with it or go off the grid.

Typical DC Asshole response. Try to do better by your kids, OK?

"Depriving" my children of a luxury that their peers have is something that doesn't bother me that much, and perhaps because I treat the idea of a smart phone in elementary school with a combination of comedic horror and frank dismissal, my kids don't badger me much. It's not even an argument in my house because I don't engage. Treat it like a completely unrealizable fantasy that your kids have. If your kid were badgering you to, I dunno, fly an airplane, you would sometimes engage in the fun of imagining what it would be like and mostly just ignore because it's not happening and it's silly to even talk about it really. That's how I approach the smart phone issue. And, for that matter, mature-rated video games and a host of other things other kids have that mine don't, whether the reason is my disapproval or my lack of funds.

There will ALWAYS be someone who has more than you do. There is no way to shield kids from this reality. If you treat it like something you let it roll off your back, your kids will have an easier time letting it roll off theirs.

Not my problem that you "aren't ready." This is how things work today - deal with it or go off the grid.

Anonymous wrote:OP, please realize that at this age, it will always be a battle of haves and have nots. When I was at that age, it was all about who had Vuarnet T shirts, Sony Walkmans, or certain shoes (I believe at the time it was Bass Weejunsor Tretorns). Of course, this was in the days before technology really bit, but the principle remains : there will always be a wedge between the haves and perceived have nots. It's time to teach your kid that not everyone has everything, and if their friendships are based on having a "thing", then it's not really a friend.

Many children of that age have iPod Touches,which allow texting through iMessage without being a smart phone. If you've chosen that your child is not that mature, than that's fine. Own it, and teach them to own it. It's okay. They will never have everything that "everyone else" has, being it stuff, brains, or looks. An excellent teaching time.

OP here. Yes, I understand that, and thanks for the reminder. The one thing that's different now is Sony Walkmans or certain shoes didn't involve an element of danger (i.e., text communications that stray from just friends, or whatever.). They weren't interactive. That''s one of the elements that's bothering me.

OP, please realize that at this age, it will always be a battle of haves and have nots. When I was at that age, it was all about who had Vuarnet T shirts, Sony Walkmans, or certain shoes (I believe at the time it was Bass Weejunsor Tretorns). Of course, this was in the days before technology really bit, but the principle remains : there will always be a wedge between the haves and perceived have nots. It's time to teach your kid that not everyone has everything, and if their friendships are based on having a "thing", then it's not really a friend.

Many children of that age have iPod Touches,which allow texting through iMessage without being a smart phone. If you've chosen that your child is not that mature, than that's fine. Own it, and teach them to own it. It's okay. They will never have everything that "everyone else" has, being it stuff, brains, or looks. An excellent teaching time.

Stop the madness.

We debated whether to get the older kid a smart phone when she entered middle school, but that seems to have become the de facto entry point when parents give them. So, we decided to do it, drafted a contract for expectations of behavior, the whole works.

Now, two or three parents of friends of our youngest kid, in elementary school, have given their children smart phones for Christmas or whatever. And as you can imagine, the badgering has started as these kids have no one to text and keep telling our kid they want to text her.

But guess what? We're not ready for this child to have a phone, for a number of reasons (including the fact that this is a $700/year investment once all is said and done). We're also not ready for this child to have a texting account, for a number of reasons (maturity, uncertainty about whether child will follow our expectations based on personality).

I wish people would realize that when they give their children phones this young, it's like a virus that spreads throughout the network of friends. They become a wedge for the "haves" and the "have nots" for whatever reason. My kid will be a "has not" until middle school, but I get to hear about it every day now for a year and a half.

Ugh.