Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 20:08     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Will your kids hear worse about you if you are there or if you don't go, will they have to spend three days listening to talk about why you are not there? Unfortunately, you may not be able to prevent it either way.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 20:07     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for responses. The last couple years I've tried to keep a low profile because I didn't want my kids around me getting put down by in laws or me getting irritable with them (in laws.). It seems to have backfired as even though my husband (who is great and on same page with me) is very scrupulous about pitching in and pulling our family's weight with chores, etc. I have gained a reputation as lazy and unwilling to help which just makes mil worse. (I am very willing to help in normal circumstances but it seems nothing I did in mils kitchen was ever right, she'd sigh and reload a dishwasher I had loaded because it wasn't done according to her elaborate plan, etc.)

It seems I have to decide between going back to being "kitchen dunce" and bowing out entirely.


If you are kitchen dunce, stay out her way for the most part, but do something easy you can't screw up like the set the table, boil water, clear the table, and bring a hostess gift or prepared or store bought dish.


it's obvious the ILs don't like OP, so she is wasting her time trying to please them any way. She should cut her losses and stay home.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 20:01     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Stay at a hotel? Or will that offend them too?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 17:05     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
I'm guilty of reloading the dishwasher when people do it wrong. Just don't even attempt it. She sounds like a perfectionist who will criticize anything you do. You can't really win with someone like that unless you become a perfectionist yourself, and if you're not, I'm afraid you're just an annoyance. Watch how she does things. Maybe you can learn from her and won't be as troublesome.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 17:01     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for responses. The last couple years I've tried to keep a low profile because I didn't want my kids around me getting put down by in laws or me getting irritable with them (in laws.). It seems to have backfired as even though my husband (who is great and on same page with me) is very scrupulous about pitching in and pulling our family's weight with chores, etc. I have gained a reputation as lazy and unwilling to help which just makes mil worse. (I am very willing to help in normal circumstances but it seems nothing I did in mils kitchen was ever right, she'd sigh and reload a dishwasher I had loaded because it wasn't done according to her elaborate plan, etc.)

It seems I have to decide between going back to being "kitchen dunce" and bowing out entirely.


If you are kitchen dunce, stay out her way for the most part, but do something easy you can't screw up like the set the table, boil water, clear the table, and bring a hostess gift or prepared or store bought dish.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 14:06     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
There's going to be drama either way, so why subject yourself to that shit? Why subject your CHILDREN to hearing their mother criticized? Since you're not willing to keep the kids go , at the very least stay home yourself and keep your sanity. Yes, the ILs will complain. Yes, you will be the bad guy. Repeat this to yourself, OP: I. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 13:29     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
You're ILs will be out of sorts whether you go or not. So, the next consideration is which is the better decision for YOU. It's clear that staying home is best for you. Do that without guilt and enjoy the time to yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 12:55     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Oh OP. I'm in the same boat. I miss just curling up with my nuclear family and avoiding the ridiculous drama. I'll never have that again due to life circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 12:34     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Anonymous wrote:It is ok to skip one visit a year for your personal sanity--and as the kids get older, they may become more aware of the behavior and less interested in visits. It is also not the greatest for them to hear you criticized.


+ 1,000
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 12:31     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
It is ok to skip one visit a year for your personal sanity--and as the kids get older, they may become more aware of the behavior and less interested in visits. It is also not the greatest for them to hear you criticized.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 10:54     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for responses. The last couple years I've tried to keep a low profile because I didn't want my kids around me getting put down by in laws or me getting irritable with them (in laws.). It seems to have backfired as even though my husband (who is great and on same page with me) is very scrupulous about pitching in and pulling our family's weight with chores, etc. I have gained a reputation as lazy and unwilling to help which just makes mil worse. (I am very willing to help in normal circumstances but it seems nothing I did in mils kitchen was ever right, she'd sigh and reload a dishwasher I had loaded because it wasn't done according to her elaborate plan, etc.)

It seems I have to decide between going back to being "kitchen dunce" and bowing out entirely.


Seriously, this is not something you need to feel bad about OP. If your mil needs to feel better about herself by reloading the dishwasher, then pity her and let her have at it. I mean, how sad is that? She could be enjoying her time with her grandchildren. But instead she chooses to burden herself with reloading a dishwasher.

Just go about your business. Visit with them or stay at home. Whatever you do, don't let it get to you. YOU control that. Life is too short.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 10:46     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Thanks for responses. The last couple years I've tried to keep a low profile because I didn't want my kids around me getting put down by in laws or me getting irritable with them (in laws.). It seems to have backfired as even though my husband (who is great and on same page with me) is very scrupulous about pitching in and pulling our family's weight with chores, etc. I have gained a reputation as lazy and unwilling to help which just makes mil worse. (I am very willing to help in normal circumstances but it seems nothing I did in mils kitchen was ever right, she'd sigh and reload a dishwasher I had loaded because it wasn't done according to her elaborate plan, etc.)

It seems I have to decide between going back to being "kitchen dunce" and bowing out entirely.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 10:36     Subject: Re:Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
I'd suck it up so that I can be a part of my kids' lives and relationship with their cousins and grandparents. Any way you can stay with another family member? That's how I survive it.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 10:35     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
Who cares if they're offended? Maybe they'll be nicer the next time. Clearly someone will be unhappy either way - why should it be you?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 10:25     Subject: Can't stand in laws but don't want distance kids from them
My laws are very difficult. For me (and to a lesser extent my husband) our visits are quite unpleasant-lots of thinly veiled criticism, guilt tripping, etc. However, our kids love them and their cousins who live in the same town.

I feel complete dread when I think of our next visit with them: an annual easter get together (3 nights there.) I'd love to send husband and kids (he is agreeable with that) but don't want to make the already strained in law relationship worse. (I would have a "conflict" but they would still be offended.)

So what do, dcum? Suck it up and endure snarky easter gripe-a-thon or send them without me?