OP here. I wouldn't want to contact the therapist. She is still in the middle of a custody fight. But I am concerned for the kids and not sure what to do about it.

Anonymous wrote:If you can find out who the therapist is, I might contact them to let them know of your concerns and express that you are glad she is getting help and wanted to make your concerns known since it impacts the welfare of her kids.

No therapist would participate in that phone call.

If you can find out who the therapist is, I might contact them to let them know of your concerns and express that you are glad she is getting help and wanted to make your concerns known since it impacts the welfare of her kids.

Thanks for the comments. She is seeing a therapist; I have no idea how honest she is about what's going on. Basically this weekend was just one example of the behavior she's been displaying...mostly it's all just selfishness. I am hurt that we made a big effort to come spend time with her and her family and she basically ditched us all with no apologies. I understand some of it as she has finally got some freedom from her awful ex (and only a bit because she has full custody so the kids are nearly always with her). But the spending money that she doesn't have, the drinking and the potential pot use crosses the line for me. I am divorced; I went through a bit of a manic time when I was getting divorced. But I didn't have kids. The thing that bugs me is that the kids are not little and they understand what's going on. They have commented that mom never cooks any more, she has changed, she is acting weird. I guess we just have to get through this phase and hope she doesn't do anything really stupid or hurt herself in the meantime.

The most worrisome is taking up smoking, drinking, and pot. Sounds like she needs therapy pronto.

Nothing you posted sounds horrible. She has teenagers and a 10yo. They are not infants and toddlers.

When I was a teenager, I barely ate with my parents.

I don't know...it sounds like your sister showed up at your parents house for the weekend with her teenagers and she took the opportunity to go away for a little while and hang with a new guy that she's seeing and that her kids don't like very much (which is to be expected since she is divorcing their dad). Her teens and your parents didn't appreciate it and they grumbled about her. I can certainly understand their view and I do agree that she was rude to dump the kids and run off for the day (no apologies). At the same time, I can see why she would want to start building a new life for herself and could use a little time away from her kids while she does it. It's hard to judge what is happening based on just this one weekend...

Hmm, I was nearly as bad as your sister when I had PPD, thyroiditis and was on the brink of divorce with DH.
Perfect storm.

It could be a medical issue, OP. You should persuade her to see a doctor.

Sounds more than a mid-life crisis to me....

They do some, but not nearly enough in my opinion. But that's another story.

The kids are old enough to start cooking and cleaning.

I think it's hard to help someone who doesn't recognize they have a problem.

That's courtesy of the kids and my parents.

How do you know she isn't cleaning her house or cooking?

I have a younger sister; we are both in our late 30s. She has three kids - two teenagers and a 10 year old. She's going through a messy divorce and it's been tough for everyone, even though it's been a long time coming and we are all glad it is happening. Basically my sister is going through a mid-life crisis and it's affecting the kids, my parents, and even me and my family.

For instance, we flew out from DC to my parents to visit them. We arrived Saturday and my sister was meant to be there and was leaving on Sunday afternoon so she could get back to her house for work on Monday. She chose to leave her kids at my parents and go help some random friend of hers move house (or at least that's what she said she was doing). She was gone the entire day and came back around 8pm. She left the next day at noon straightaway. No apology or anything. She isn't divorced but is already spending all of her free time with 'a friend' that she forces her kids to also spend time with. She started smoking, is likely drinking or smoking pot, and won't clean her house or cook for the kids. She complains about how she has no money but bought the eldest a new iPhone 6 even though she had a 5 already. She has taken up tanning and is buying all new clothes and jewelry. Basically she's throwing away money left and right with not a care in the world.

So there's nothing much I can do, right? She's an adult, and she won't listen to anyone telling her she's not exactly doing the most sensible things right now. I feel badly for her kids but what can we do other than love them?