If you really want to deal with the example with your girls, then when you've left ask your girls how they felt about your MIL calling her husband fat, and then take the discussion from there is a way that doesn't attack MIL, but constructively illustrates the values you'd like them to hold, with regard to fat, standing up for yourself, and showing kindness to others.

Kids are pretty good at absorbing their parents' values. My grandparents said a lot of things that I knew were not acceptable in my own home.

I have some sympathy for mil here. She has a spouse who is not doing what he needs to do to stay healthy (diabetic) and she is supposed to watch him make bad decisions every single day until he becomes an invalid. At that point, she is supposed to give up her independence to be the caregiver to him. she is scared and angry.

No, her language isn't great, but have you ever had your life made small by another's illness? Had all your money go to caring for another's illness? It sucks.

Anonymous wrote:Caller ID.

You didn't read the thread, did you?

Caller ID.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people care so much...it's not going to destroy your kids to hear Grandma call Grandpa fat. I'd never intervene in someone else's marriage or discourse.

OP's question is about intervening in the examples given to her daughters.

I don't get why people care so much...it's not going to destroy your kids to hear Grandma call Grandpa fat. I'd never intervene in someone else's marriage or discourse.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, she says this in front of your two children? That is unacceptable. Your DH should stand up for himself and tell MIL that she should never call him fat in front of his kids. He knows he's fat and she just needs to stop it now.

It's the MIL's DH (the OP's FIL)

Anonymous wrote:Curious: why are PPs in the other thread all over telling MIL to shut up vs. in this thread? I agree there is a difference between calling/threatening a child fat directly but doesn't setting examples also matter?

There is a difference between setting up boundaries on behalf of your young children who aren't really capable yet of doing it themselves, and intervening on behalf of a grown adult who is perfectly capable of doing it for himself if he wants to.

Anonymous wrote:Curious: why are PPs in the other thread all over telling MIL to shut up vs. in this thread? I agree there is a difference between calling/threatening a child fat directly but doesn't setting examples also matter?

You can't control how your ILs interact. If it's acceptable between them, you can't just tell MIL to shut up. You can, when she says it to your kid though.

Wow, she says this in front of your two children? That is unacceptable. Your DH should stand up for himself and tell MIL that she should never call him fat in front of his kids. He knows he's fat and she just needs to stop it now.

Curious: why are PPs in the other thread all over telling MIL to shut up vs. in this thread? I agree there is a difference between calling/threatening a child fat directly but doesn't setting examples also matter?

Don't discuss weight. Anyone's. Yours, theirs, celebrities, friends. Just don't.

This will do more to counter act anything your MIL says than chiding her and trying to force her to change.

You can't control your MIL and certainly not on behalf, unrequested, of your husband. You can deal with your kids and you just tell your children, "Yes, grandmother may use that word but we don't like it and don't use it." You can only parent your kids.

The other thread go me thinking.

My MIL is constantly calling her husband fat. Mostly in a good humored way, but we have a couple of young girls (8 and 4) and I'm a bit concerned about the example.
Here's the thing: he IS fat. He DOES make terrible dietary choices, and choices that impact his health dramatically (he has really bad diabetes).

Thoughts? I feel like her habit of telling him this is so ingrained I'm not sure she would know how to stop.