MIL offered to take everyone to dinner and you said no. I would expect for you to pay for that since you rejected their offer and made one of your own

For perspective, the aunt stayed on a hotel suite that coat $1500/night. My mil bought my bil and his wife their flights and hotel nights. These aren't people who are accustomed to pizza dinners.

Maybe because she's well-off, it did not cross her mind that $350 is a large amount of money for you?

You could have ordered pizza. You chose to decline MIL's offer to take everyone out, you chose to spend $350. This is after MIL has paid for childcare for two YEARS? And you think SHE and her relatives were rude? No.

She paid for childcare while your husband was unemployed for 2 years? So for 2 years he didn't work and did not care for his own children while you were working and your ILs paid for their care? If you paid for a $350 dinner each year for the next 20 years, you would still come out ahead. Yes. It is a lot of effort and work hosting. For these people you should do it graciously. If you don't want to do it next time, take her up on her offer of paying for a restaurant.

It was your choice to get a fancy catered meal. You could have done it much cheaper. She offered a night out, you declined. They have been very generous over the years...say thank you.

When she offered to take people out to dinner, that was your opportunity to mention paying for the catering. She was probably miscommunicated with because she thought you WANTED to do the dinner yourself and it was more 'your' thing than 'hers.'
Don't let it bother you too much. She did offer to help in a way she thought of. All-in-all, it sounds like they're generous and caring. In the large scheme of things, its a small amount and not worth being offended by, but I do understand your frustration. Let it go.

agree with above PPs, and you know, you start off by saying they were generous with you when DH was out of work for TWO YEARS and also contributed to the kids' college funds….

OP, just consider it paying back in the little way you can. They might have considered it such. I think one large catering bill is still trumped by the stuff they've done for you and the kids.

and YES, she should have paid the bill. So YES, technically you are correct. But come on.

I think it would have been polite for them to offer to pay (and I would be annoyed that they didn't) but you did offer to host. Next time you invite them and they start adding guests, you can know what to expect so you can make arrangements for dining out if you prefer. I would be annoyed but ultimately it is best to let it go.

She stayed at a hotel AND offered to take everyone to dinner. It was your choice to stay in, so you pay. Did she help clean up? If so, maybe she felt she contributed.

Nobody forced you to host any of this. It's ok to say no.

I think it's not unreasonable for you to be a little surprised that they didn't offer, but I don't think you could expect them to pitch in. They did offer to go out for dinner originally, right? And you offered to host the dinner instead. So that basically implies that you were happy to pay.

You offered to host, after MIL said she'd pay for a restaurant. Yes, you are crazy to think she would have reimbursed you.

No you're not crazy. it was absolutely the polite thing for them to do and you have every right to be put off by it.

My in laws are well off. They have been fairly generous with us in the past, paying for childcare while dh was unemployed for 2 years, and making donations to the kids' college accounts. We recently moved away from dc as dh has a new job in a different city. We invited my in laws for Xmas, as I don't want to travel for Xmas with little kids and we alternate holidays between our sets of parents. We have a guest room and I made it clear they were welcome to stay with us. They more or less told me they would be bringingy bil and his wife, and dh's aunt for the vacation as well, and that because it was so many people they would stay in a hotel. Then, at the last second, they also invited six foreign cousins to join in for a night of celebrating as well. My mil offered to take the whole group out to dinner, but since we felt it would be more relaxed with kids at a house, we invited this large group to our house for dinner (15 people now). Since it was the day after Christmas and I had already cooked three big dinners for guests during the vacation, I had the dinner brought in. I spent about $350. All in all, my in laws were in town for 8 nights, though not staying with us, and I hosted five dinners for various guests, most of whom were essentially invited by my mil. They left today and did not offer to pitch in for the night of catering. I am shocked. It's not so much about the dollars, but more the principle that they essentially created a family reunion at my house and I had to cook and clean and spend a ton of money, and they didn't offer to help out with the burden. Am I crazy to have expected them to pay for that night?