Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think she is depressed and has been for a while. She's been on meds for years and has been to a couple therapists. I think she's better now but she's far from the person I married. I made a vow to be in it whether in sickness and in health...but I didn't imagine how depression could impact the whole family

FWIW, I got her a bracelet from Tiffany for Xmas.

Pp was right it isn't about the presents.. It's about the sentiment. You shouldn't have to qualify what you got her last year or this. Even with your marriage on the rocks there should still be decency, a cake for your birthday, pajamas or something for Christmas. Your children, if old enough, will notice that she didn't give you anything.

22:20 has it right, if you or the marriage was a priority she should be willing to do these things, especially since you do them for her. IMO, it seems like she is sending a message that she doesn't care. You need to address this. If she is already checked out, you need to know and take your family and friends' advice.

Anonymous wrote:Get a mistress. She'll give you presents, and sex. (You'll have to give her a few prezzies, too, of course.)

That's the answer, right there.

Yes, I think she is depressed and has been for a while. She's been on meds for years and has been to a couple therapists. I think she's better now but she's far from the person I married. I made a vow to be in it whether in sickness and in health...but I didn't imagine how depression could impact the whole family

FWIW, I got her a bracelet from Tiffany for Xmas.

Anonymous wrote:You know this isn't about the presents right?

DW here who is the breadwinner and does 75%+ of kid care/activities. I never get anything for Bday besides a family dinner. Mother's Day is the same. Anniversary we go out the two of us. Christmas no presents. Doesn't even cross my mind. We sleep in the same bed and have sex quite a lot. I love him like crazy and he makes me laugh all the time. He is what I get in life and I couldn't be happier.

Exactly. its called being mature.

What did you get her last year?

She sounds depressed. What do you think?

Anonymous wrote:My friends and family have said it's time for a divorce but I really hate quitting in anything. I was the one who initiated therapy twice, to no avail. I also can't bear to give up half the assets and support two households

Money is just money.

Sex is like oxygen.

Get a mistress. She'll give you presents, and sex. (You'll have to give her a few prezzies, too, of course.)

My friends and family have said it's time for a divorce but I really hate quitting in anything. I was the one who initiated therapy twice, to no avail. I also can't bear to give up half the assets and support two households

It's always, "you don't need anything or like anything I get you" and "not tonight, I don't feel well" or "is sex all you ever think about?" My least favorite excuse at bedtime is "why can't you let things happen naturally?" Ha! If I didn't initiate, nothing would happen (not that it makes much difference)

You know this isn't about the presents right?

DW here who is the breadwinner and does 75%+ of kid care/activities. I never get anything for Bday besides a family dinner. Mother's Day is the same. Anniversary we go out the two of us. Christmas no presents. Doesn't even cross my mind. We sleep in the same bed and have sex quite a lot. I love him like crazy and he makes me laugh all the time. He is what I get in life and I couldn't be happier.

It seems your marriage has grown stale and that your wife is simply taken you for granted at this point.

Open up to her and let her know how you feel. She may not even be aware of your feelings at this point and may just think you are okay of the status quo, though the fact that you both were in therapy makes me think she knows there are serious marital issues at stake.

If she feels your marriage is a priority, then she will put forth the effort in salvaging it. Acknowledging you by giving you a nice gift on your birthday, Christmas, your anniversary, etc. is one such way.

If she chooses not to do so, then this is perhaps the best hint that she does not value your marriage and it is not even on her priority list at all.

In that case, it is entirely up to you where you want to go at that point.

You can either opt to a). Continue living this pitiful existence or b). Severe marital ties and move forward and on in life to something more fulfilling.

Ultimately the choice is yours and it is entirely up to you what type of life you want to lead.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

What's her damage? What's her answer when you ask why she doesn't get you any gifts? Why she doesn't want to sleep with you?

Treat yourself to a divorce. The bitch doesn't deserve you.

DH here. Married for 15+ years. Wife started staying at home even though both our kids are in elementary school full time. We used to make about the same, now our household income is down by half. I do most of the cooking or bring home food every night. I also hired a house cleaner once a week to help out. She takes the kids to activities and helps with homework. We are like roommates - sleep in different rooms most nights. Been to marriage counseling, this is not working for me

I'm bummed out that even though I support her and the family, she didn't get me a birthday, anniversary, or Christmas present. I admit that I don't need anything per se, but it would have been nice to have gotten something / anything at all this year...