Anonymous wrote:Therapy doesn't do the work. You do the work. Some people are up for it, others are not.

This. Also you can't fix other people only yourself. So both partis in therapy need to do the work. It's not a cute all but it helps get to te bottom of things and salvage what is salvageable.

I don't understand how therapy or counseling helps. At all. Your husband either stops cheating and feels remorseful or he doesn't. Why would you want to pay a complete stranger money to tell you how to live your life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about any of you, but if I were cheated on, I wouldn't want to attend therapy and expect a professional therapist to be able to put my marriage back together again like Humpty Dumpty.

I may be a proud woman but I also am a very loyal woman and once a man oversteps his boundaries with me, it will be impossible for him to ever get back to the original place he ever was with me.

And if I cannot ever have a man that close to me in a relationship, then I would rather be alone.

I deserve much better from someone because I love myself.

You sound young, but good for you.

Not that poster-- but 44 and feel the same way.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about any of you, but if I were cheated on, I wouldn't want to attend therapy and expect a professional therapist to be able to put my marriage back together again like Humpty Dumpty.

I may be a proud woman but I also am a very loyal woman and once a man oversteps his boundaries with me, it will be impossible for him to ever get back to the original place he ever was with me.

And if I cannot ever have a man that close to me in a relationship, then I would rather be alone.

I deserve much better from someone because I love myself.

You sound young, but good for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about any of you, but if I were cheated on, I wouldn't want to attend therapy and expect a professional therapist to be able to put my marriage back together again like Humpty Dumpty.

I may be a proud woman but I also am a very loyal woman and once a man oversteps his boundaries with me, it will be impossible for him to ever get back to the original place he ever was with me.

And if I cannot ever have a man that close to me in a relationship, then I would rather be alone.

I deserve much better from someone because I love myself.

Well, not everyone is as black and white as you.

I am.

6 months out. I can't forget it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about any of you, but if I were cheated on, I wouldn't want to attend therapy and expect a professional therapist to be able to put my marriage back together again like Humpty Dumpty.

I may be a proud woman but I also am a very loyal woman and once a man oversteps his boundaries with me, it will be impossible for him to ever get back to the original place he ever was with me.

And if I cannot ever have a man that close to me in a relationship, then I would rather be alone.

I deserve much better from someone because I love myself.

Well, not everyone is as black and white as you.

I don't know about any of you, but if I were cheated on, I wouldn't want to attend therapy and expect a professional therapist to be able to put my marriage back together again like Humpty Dumpty.

I may be a proud woman but I also am a very loyal woman and once a man oversteps his boundaries with me, it will be impossible for him to ever get back to the original place he ever was with me.

And if I cannot ever have a man that close to me in a relationship, then I would rather be alone.

I deserve much better from someone because I love myself.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in therapy because I cheated. Started with the goal to understand why, now a shit show of my abused childhood, and transference. Yeah, I suppose it helps, but you have to be prepared for how painful it can be if you get at the deep stuff.

+1. It is very painful but necessary.

I'm in therapy because I cheated. Started with the goal to understand why, now a shit show of my abused childhood, and transference. Yeah, I suppose it helps, but you have to be prepared for how painful it can be if you get at the deep stuff.

Anonymous wrote:I discovered my husbands affair and since then I have been the one suggesting counseling. He has agreed but I told him he needed to show he was committed by calling around and finding a therapist. A week has gone by and he's not called. He said he will.

Therapist here. I think I understand why you put the responsibility on his shoulders to find a therapist, but you might want to reconsider if you genuinely think he's sincere about at least going to counseling. Picking up the phone and making an appointment with a therapist is very intimidating for a lot of people, and in my experience this is especially the case with many men. If you think counseling is worth a shot I wouldn't hesitate to set it up. If he refuses to go, or if he's completely disengaged in the first few sessions, then you can always reevaluate. Good luck.

I discovered my husbands affair and since then I have been the one suggesting counseling. He has agreed but I told him he needed to show he was committed by calling around and finding a therapist. A week has gone by and he's not called. He said he will.

Therapy doesn't do the work. You do the work. Some people are up for it, others are not.

This is a hard one to generalize about, OP. Counseling definitely helps a lot of couples but not all. Also, the exact way in which it can be helpful varies depending on the couple's issues and whether there is commitment by both partners to work on the relatiomship, or whether the goal is more to understand and try to move on separately.

Is your DH open to the idea of counseling, and more generally to working on the relationship? This is an important factor to start with. How about you? Do you feel there's enough good in your marriage to try counseling?

There's no guarantee that counseling will fix your issues. Even if it doesn't, though, that doesn't mean there isn't value. It might help you guys work through some of the anger and other obstacles to being effective co-parents after you separate, and might help you move on more easily than you would have otherwise.

Good luck to you, OP.

Did therapy fix your issues?
How many here went to therapy for a spouse cheating where it actually worked and you were happier afterwards?

Should I bother with counseling?