Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:51     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Can any of it be kept at her place?

Can you redirect her enthusiasm to your child's 529 plan?
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:50     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Anonymous wrote:Say thanks, donate extras to charity.


Plus 1
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:49     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
You can give some of the stuff back to her and ask her to keep it at her house so that it will be on hand for when you visit. That way you won't have to be dragging bouncy chair, changes of clothes, toys, etc over to her house every single tie that you visit, it'll already be there.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:45     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would tread very lightly here. I am in the exact same position as you (same SIL, niece, she has a larger house, etc) except 5 years down the road, with more kids now. It's difficult to explain, but quenching her excitement and desire to give (which in our case also included a desire to help and be a part of things) in the early days ended up making my MIL sad and insecure about her grandmother role to her son's kids (versus her daughter's). It translated in all sorts of little ways over the years, and now my kids are definitely second place to my SIL's kids. It's not a huge deal but my oldest does notice it a little. My MIL is also a very complicated person -- I know now that to she loves to be loved and needed and is a little shallow about this kind of stuff, but I would have tred more carefully early on to avoid this dynamic.

So my advice is to go with it, it at the most, have your husband mention something to her along the lines of how much you love everything but are strictly worries about space. Eventually you/he could ask her to get a class or event or activity as a gift when your child is a bit older. Or clothes. I'd just accept gracefully and donate a few things if you really need to, etc. Good luck!


I think this is a very perceptive comment. While you do have to assert yourself, in the long run it's better if you can somehow accept and encourage her desire to be involved. I find with my own MIL that if I focus on the things I really need her help/advice on, then that satisfies her desire to be involved. So maybe just work with your MIL and explain the problems you have with storage, and assign her to researching storage solutions for small nurseries?



Agree with this except me son is the favored child. My SIl and BIL have always set strong limits on the number and kind of toys their kids are allowed and as a result my in laws tiptoe around them. i think the dynamic is exacerbated by the fact that it is MIl and DIL. I wouldn't hesitate to tell my mom to back off a bit as she wouldn't care what I say, but in laws are sensitive and worried about upsetting especially DIL so that has made it worse in my SIL'scase
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:29     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Be grateful and only use what you want to. Store the rest for a while.

My in laws bought absolutely nothing for DS when he was born. $50 for birthdays, and only when DS turned
3 did they buy maybe $100 worth of stuff. And this is a kid they fawn over like crazy. And MIL shops like crazy for herself and FIL has earned over $400k/yr his whole adult life. Other grandkids were spoiled too by the way. I guess they just decided to cut back when DS was born. For some reason.

Sooo yeah, count your blessings.

Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:24     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Anonymous wrote:I would tread very lightly here. I am in the exact same position as you (same SIL, niece, she has a larger house, etc) except 5 years down the road, with more kids now. It's difficult to explain, but quenching her excitement and desire to give (which in our case also included a desire to help and be a part of things) in the early days ended up making my MIL sad and insecure about her grandmother role to her son's kids (versus her daughter's). It translated in all sorts of little ways over the years, and now my kids are definitely second place to my SIL's kids. It's not a huge deal but my oldest does notice it a little. My MIL is also a very complicated person -- I know now that to she loves to be loved and needed and is a little shallow about this kind of stuff, but I would have tred more carefully early on to avoid this dynamic.

So my advice is to go with it, it at the most, have your husband mention something to her along the lines of how much you love everything but are strictly worries about space. Eventually you/he could ask her to get a class or event or activity as a gift when your child is a bit older. Or clothes. I'd just accept gracefully and donate a few things if you really need to, etc. Good luck!


I think this is a very perceptive comment. While you do have to assert yourself, in the long run it's better if you can somehow accept and encourage her desire to be involved. I find with my own MIL that if I focus on the things I really need her help/advice on, then that satisfies her desire to be involved. So maybe just work with your MIL and explain the problems you have with storage, and assign her to researching storage solutions for small nurseries?
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:21     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Say thanks, donate extras to charity.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:13     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Anonymous wrote:I would tread very lightly here. I am in the exact same position as you (same SIL, niece, she has a larger house, etc) except 5 years down the road, with more kids now. It's difficult to explain, but quenching her excitement and desire to give (which in our case also included a desire to help and be a part of things) in the early days ended up making my MIL sad and insecure about her grandmother role to her son's kids (versus her daughter's). It translated in all sorts of little ways over the years, and now my kids are definitely second place to my SIL's kids. It's not a huge deal but my oldest does notice it a little. My MIL is also a very complicated person -- I know now that to she loves to be loved and needed and is a little shallow about this kind of stuff, but I would have tred more carefully early on to avoid this dynamic.

So my advice is to go with it, it at the most, have your husband mention something to her along the lines of how much you love everything but are strictly worries about space. Eventually you/he could ask her to get a class or event or activity as a gift when your child is a bit older. Or clothes. I'd just accept gracefully and donate a few things if you really need to, etc. Good luck!


The thing is, that is on your MIL for her insecurity and and anxiety. I don't see how you and your DH did anything wrong, whereas playing favorites on your MIL's definitely is.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:09     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Be grateful and let it happen. What you can't keep/use return back and keep the $
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:01     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same way and I don't even bother complaining about it any more. Donate, take back, regift, consign or sell the items you don't need.


+1. There is nothing you can do except get rid of the stuff you don't want.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:50     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
My mom is the same way and I don't even bother complaining about it any more. Donate, take back, regift, consign or sell the items you don't need.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:37     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
I would tread very lightly here. I am in the exact same position as you (same SIL, niece, she has a larger house, etc) except 5 years down the road, with more kids now. It's difficult to explain, but quenching her excitement and desire to give (which in our case also included a desire to help and be a part of things) in the early days ended up making my MIL sad and insecure about her grandmother role to her son's kids (versus her daughter's). It translated in all sorts of little ways over the years, and now my kids are definitely second place to my SIL's kids. It's not a huge deal but my oldest does notice it a little. My MIL is also a very complicated person -- I know now that to she loves to be loved and needed and is a little shallow about this kind of stuff, but I would have tred more carefully early on to avoid this dynamic.

So my advice is to go with it, it at the most, have your husband mention something to her along the lines of how much you love everything but are strictly worries about space. Eventually you/he could ask her to get a class or event or activity as a gift when your child is a bit older. Or clothes. I'd just accept gracefully and donate a few things if you really need to, etc. Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:32     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Don't go shopping together anymore.

DH needs to have the conversation about space with her--as with any other boundary that you and he need to set for your family.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:23     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
Maybe ask her to stick to just clothes?
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:07     Subject: How to deal with in-laws that over shop for baby
I'm 28 weeks pregnant with our first child and we live in a modest almost 1400 sq ft 2 bedroom condo.
We plan to stay in the city in our place and have been working on purging items we don't need and being pretty creative with the little storage we do have.

Needless to say, my mother-in-law is over the moon that we are expecting and she totally went crazy with Christmas gifts yesterday. She had warned us earlier this week that she hoped we had enough room in our car (small SUV) and she wasn't kidding.

While I appreciate her thoughtfulness and excitement (this is her second grandchild, first grandson) I want to gently tell her that it is too much.
Last month we we went shopping together and I politely turned down numerous items and explained to her that we are trying to be minimalists and don't have the room for extra things that we don't really need.

I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I've seen how crazy she goes with gifts for our niece. They have a pretty large home so that's not a problem.

Would love some advice on others that have dealt with this and what to say and how to approach my MIL about going easy on the gifts.