Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've realized that my MIL has a very limited world view and therefore, lacks compassion, empathy and even interest in anything not directly related to herself.

I've had to remind myself that she will never change and not to waste energy on trying to please her or receive any kind of acknowledgment.

She also is a conversation killer; stays on one subject and tells the same dozen stories. If you try to change the subject, it goes right back to her. I've learned to just shut up and zone out and tolerate.

We must have the same MIL.

Wow. Me 3.
Even word.

Me 4.

This must be a common old person problem. My MIL is the same way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've realized that my MIL has a very limited world view and therefore, lacks compassion, empathy and even interest in anything not directly related to herself.

I've had to remind myself that she will never change and not to waste energy on trying to please her or receive any kind of acknowledgment.

She also is a conversation killer; stays on one subject and tells the same dozen stories. If you try to change the subject, it goes right back to her. I've learned to just shut up and zone out and tolerate.

We must have the same MIL.

Wow. Me 3.
Even word.

Me 4.

Anonymous wrote:I probably could have written that post. Although, not talking about my MIL to my own mother is one of the reasons my relationship with my mother. She wants all of the inside scoop and when I stopped providing it to her she took it very personally.

sorry...is on the reasons the relationship with my mother has suffered.

I probably could have written that post. Although, not talking about my MIL to my own mother is one of the reasons my relationship with my mother. She wants all of the inside scoop and when I stopped providing it to her she took it very personally.

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP! I think that's big of you.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've realized that my MIL has a very limited world view and therefore, lacks compassion, empathy and even interest in anything not directly related to herself.

I've had to remind myself that she will never change and not to waste energy on trying to please her or receive any kind of acknowledgment.

She also is a conversation killer; stays on one subject and tells the same dozen stories. If you try to change the subject, it goes right back to her. I've learned to just shut up and zone out and tolerate.

We must have the same MIL.

Wow. Me 3.
Even word.

very impressive OP. The MIL/DIL relationship is one of the most difficult; it takes a great deal of maturity to handle with equanimity and even more to be able to appreciate one another.

Good for you OP! I think that's big of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've realized that my MIL has a very limited world view and therefore, lacks compassion, empathy and even interest in anything not directly related to herself.

I've had to remind myself that she will never change and not to waste energy on trying to please her or receive any kind of acknowledgment.

She also is a conversation killer; stays on one subject and tells the same dozen stories. If you try to change the subject, it goes right back to her. I've learned to just shut up and zone out and tolerate.

We must have the same MIL.

Taking a preemptive xanax; mil coming to our house tomorrow for Christmas dinner.

Anonymous wrote:I've realized that my MIL has a very limited world view and therefore, lacks compassion, empathy and even interest in anything not directly related to herself.

I've had to remind myself that she will never change and not to waste energy on trying to please her or receive any kind of acknowledgment.

She also is a conversation killer; stays on one subject and tells the same dozen stories. If you try to change the subject, it goes right back to her. I've learned to just shut up and zone out and tolerate.

We must have the same MIL.

I've realized that my MIL has a very limited world view and therefore, lacks compassion, empathy and even interest in anything not directly related to herself.

I've had to remind myself that she will never change and not to waste energy on trying to please her or receive any kind of acknowledgment.

She also is a conversation killer; stays on one subject and tells the same dozen stories. If you try to change the subject, it goes right back to her. I've learned to just shut up and zone out and tolerate.

Oh yes, I hear you, OP.

However your mother is probably a good person.
I don't know if mine is, whether she does it deliberately or not, but as a young adult I realized that she would systematically seek to destroy any relationship I had with anybody else. In a really subtle, passive aggressive fashion, which is why I didn't notice as a teen but really struggled.

I've learned to never share any info with her, basically, otherwise she will twist it to reflect poorly on that person (DH, MIL, my friends, etc) and encourage me to denigrate them and detach from them. Yet on the surface she's a self-effacing, charming woman! It's scary that there are such undercurrents!

Anyway. Not wanting to derail the thread, but just wanted to say good job for understanding your own situation.

Well played, OP!

Keep your expectations of your MIL low and you won't be disappointed, and meanwhile be as kind as you can.

Merry Christmas!

This is a level of introspection and self-awareness we almost never see on DCUM. It's a Christmas miracle!

But in all seriousness, I think it's great that you were able to see that, and hope you have a much more pleasant relationship with your MIL going forward.

I have been married for almost 10 years and have had a pretty sketchy relationship with my MIL from the beginning. The thing is, she's not a terrible person in any way, she's just different from me, with different values. She's also really bad at managing money, which stresses me out (like, she's on a really limited fixed income, but decided to trade in her still working Honda for an Audi because it was a good deal).

I'm very close with my mom and I realized that my mom is a big reason I don't get along with my MIL. My mom loves being the favored grandparent and subtly stokes the fires of my disagreements with my MIL. My new years resolution is to be kinder to my MIL and stop talking about her with my mom!