Anonymous
Post 12/24/2014 10:02     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
People that chase money never end up happy b.c there is always someone with more than them. Learn to value what you have, healthy children, a nice DH and a rewarding job.

I've known a lot of really rich people and many of them aren't as happy as they seem.

And her husband is probably plowing his assistant as we speak.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 11:59     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also, for what it's worth, she might be envious of you (attorney, have kids). You never know.

Yep, that'd be my guess too.


I am OP and you are absolutely right. I know that she has been envious of me, and that's part of the reason she has been mean/bitchy to me in the past. And I do know that she is pretty bored in her new life. And the pp above is right, everyone is petty sometimes, but it doesn't make me a petty person. I can be compassionate/kind to her, and move on, and just acknowledge that I'm human too.

This thread has actually, legitimately made me feel tons better about something that has been bothering me awhile, and that I had no other outlet for. Wow. And no one was cruel or trolling. This is the DCUM purple unicorn.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 11:54     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also, for what it's worth, she might be envious of you (attorney, have kids). You never know.

Yep, that'd be my guess too.


+1. When you are old and look back on your life, you will have so much to be proud of. A career, hard work for your clients, love for your kids, etc. Do you want to trade that all in for "was rich, looked pretty, shopped"?
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 10:46     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:Also, for what it's worth, she might be envious of you (attorney, have kids). You never know.

Yep, that'd be my guess too.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 10:35     Subject: Re:Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:Just remember that you don’t know everything about a person’s life - even your relatives.
She could be fighting her own demons that you have no idea of.
Things are not always as perfect as others perceive.


+1

Don't compare your insides to her outsides.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 10:31     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Also, for what it's worth, she might be envious of you (attorney, have kids). You never know.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 10:29     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Pp here (the one with the ideas). Understandable! I'm one if the first of my friends to have a kid (at 28, but you know how things are) and sometimes feel resentful of their being able to just do whatever at all times.

But I totally get you. It sounds like the envy is more about her not-nice personality and that she seems to "have it all." I get it. I know it's difficult, but if you can make some changes in your own life to make yourself feel happier, she might not bother you so much. Obviously change takes a while to implement, but little things do count.

Sending good vibes your way OP.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 10:16     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am dreading seeing my cousin this Christmas, because I am envious of her. I might as well be honest on an anonymous forum, right? She is so confident in herself, and always upbeat and perky and organized and thin. I've always found her to be somewhat shallow and occasionally mean. She met and married a rich, successful guy (think Silicon valley engineer type) in the past year and has spent the past six months traveling and shopping, basically. I know nothing but this outside, superficial stuff, mind you. Meanwhile, my life isn't bad. I have two beautiful children, a good career, a lovely home. I am very grateful for that. My marriage is so-so but that's partly because of the little kid years and all the stuff that goes with that (I'm TIRED). I feel like I put this mammoth effort towards everything- my career, saving money, my kids, etc., etc., with ok results, and that she just takes it easy and things fall into her lap. I know that this is a dumb way of thinking- very stupid. I've felt this way before and then something terrible will happen to the person I'm envious of- they'll get cancer or something horrible like that, and then I'll fell really bad all over again. Why am I like this? I hate it. Tell me how not to be envious of other people and just accept what I have.


Easier said than done, OP.

First, try to cultivate self-love: meditate, pray, recite mantras, look yourself in the eye (in the mirror) and declare positive things about yourself. Tune in to yourself and tap into your fears and desires.

Second, think about why you're envious. Does she have characteristics you'd like to cultivate in yourself? I know you mentioned her spending her time shopping and traveling - things that represent a freedom of sorts. Do you want more luxury in your life? More adventure and spontaneity? Try to figure out how to cultivate these things for yourself.

Finally, how can you improve your marriage? More time connecting? Less time running around? You mentioned that you're tired (TIRED) and there's nothing like exhaustion to take the wind out of your sails. How can you get more rest?

I hope these ideas help.


You and the pp above you are insightful, thank you.

I guess I am missing my freedom- my life went like this: college-->marriage-->law school + saving money like crazy to stay out of debt-->babies--->work. Sometimes I guess I resent my choices, which I made as an adult. Could I have messed around for a few years and married a rich guy and wouldn't that have been easier than what I did end up doing? I know that is wrong, but I think it sometimes nonetheless. Awhile ago while I was thinking about this I did make some changes- I put a little more effort into my appearance, which gave me a little more confidence, and I have put some effort into networking and cultivating my friendships, and I made DH take a fun class with me. But I still can't get rid of this envious, resentful mindset. Probably part of this is that I just don't find her very nice- she gossips, which I hate, and yes, I know I am doing it right now, and I found her somewhat manipulative- usually when I am with a nice person I am happy for their good fortune.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:57     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:I am dreading seeing my cousin this Christmas, because I am envious of her. I might as well be honest on an anonymous forum, right? She is so confident in herself, and always upbeat and perky and organized and thin. I've always found her to be somewhat shallow and occasionally mean. She met and married a rich, successful guy (think Silicon valley engineer type) in the past year and has spent the past six months traveling and shopping, basically. I know nothing but this outside, superficial stuff, mind you. Meanwhile, my life isn't bad. I have two beautiful children, a good career, a lovely home. I am very grateful for that. My marriage is so-so but that's partly because of the little kid years and all the stuff that goes with that (I'm TIRED). I feel like I put this mammoth effort towards everything- my career, saving money, my kids, etc., etc., with ok results, and that she just takes it easy and things fall into her lap. I know that this is a dumb way of thinking- very stupid. I've felt this way before and then something terrible will happen to the person I'm envious of- they'll get cancer or something horrible like that, and then I'll fell really bad all over again. Why am I like this? I hate it. Tell me how not to be envious of other people and just accept what I have.


Easier said than done, OP.

First, try to cultivate self-love: meditate, pray, recite mantras, look yourself in the eye (in the mirror) and declare positive things about yourself. Tune in to yourself and tap into your fears and desires.

Second, think about why you're envious. Does she have characteristics you'd like to cultivate in yourself? I know you mentioned her spending her time shopping and traveling - things that represent a freedom of sorts. Do you want more luxury in your life? More adventure and spontaneity? Try to figure out how to cultivate these things for yourself.

Finally, how can you improve your marriage? More time connecting? Less time running around? You mentioned that you're tired (TIRED) and there's nothing like exhaustion to take the wind out of your sails. How can you get more rest?

I hope these ideas help.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:51     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Spending your days traveling and shopping is a meaningless way to live. Sure it looks glamorous but taking a break to relax is enjoyable when it's a break - when your entire life is a break, then you're bored & depressed.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:49     Subject: Re:Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Just remember that you don’t know everything about a person’s life - even your relatives.
She could be fighting her own demons that you have no idea of.
Things are not always as perfect as others perceive.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:48     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am dreading seeing my cousin this Christmas, because I am envious of her. I might as well be honest on an anonymous forum, right? She is so confident in herself, and always upbeat and perky and organized and thin. I've always found her to be somewhat shallow and occasionally mean. She met and married a rich, successful guy (think Silicon valley engineer type) in the past year and has spent the past six months traveling and shopping, basically. I know nothing but this outside, superficial stuff, mind you. Meanwhile, my life isn't bad. I have two beautiful children, a good career, a lovely home. I am very grateful for that. My marriage is so-so but that's partly because of the little kid years and all the stuff that goes with that (I'm TIRED). I feel like I put this mammoth effort towards everything- my career, saving money, my kids, etc., etc., with ok results, and that she just takes it easy and things fall into her lap. I know that this is a dumb way of thinking- very stupid. I've felt this way before and then something terrible will happen to the person I'm envious of- they'll get cancer or something horrible like that, and then I'll fell really bad all over again. Why am I like this? I hate it. Tell me how not to be envious of other people and just accept what I have.


Why are you envious of that? She sounds horrible.


I guess I am envious of the fact that despite this, she manages to get people to like her and get everything she wants anyway.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:48     Subject: Re:Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
You could also try forgiving yourself for being human.

We all think petty things sometimes. Just remember that life isn't always what it appears and things can change in an instant. Then keep focusing on your own life. Acknowledge the thoughts when they come, then just let them go.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:47     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
Anonymous wrote:I am dreading seeing my cousin this Christmas, because I am envious of her. I might as well be honest on an anonymous forum, right? She is so confident in herself, and always upbeat and perky and organized and thin. I've always found her to be somewhat shallow and occasionally mean. She met and married a rich, successful guy (think Silicon valley engineer type) in the past year and has spent the past six months traveling and shopping, basically. I know nothing but this outside, superficial stuff, mind you. Meanwhile, my life isn't bad. I have two beautiful children, a good career, a lovely home. I am very grateful for that. My marriage is so-so but that's partly because of the little kid years and all the stuff that goes with that (I'm TIRED). I feel like I put this mammoth effort towards everything- my career, saving money, my kids, etc., etc., with ok results, and that she just takes it easy and things fall into her lap. I know that this is a dumb way of thinking- very stupid. I've felt this way before and then something terrible will happen to the person I'm envious of- they'll get cancer or something horrible like that, and then I'll fell really bad all over again. Why am I like this? I hate it. Tell me how not to be envious of other people and just accept what I have.


Why are you envious of that? She sounds horrible.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2014 09:44     Subject: Dreading seeing a relative this Christmas... because I am envious and dumb
I am dreading seeing my cousin this Christmas, because I am envious of her. I might as well be honest on an anonymous forum, right? She is so confident in herself, and always upbeat and perky and organized and thin. I've always found her to be somewhat shallow and occasionally mean. She met and married a rich, successful guy (think Silicon valley engineer type) in the past year and has spent the past six months traveling and shopping, basically. I know nothing but this outside, superficial stuff, mind you. Meanwhile, my life isn't bad. I have two beautiful children, a good career, a lovely home. I am very grateful for that. My marriage is so-so but that's partly because of the little kid years and all the stuff that goes with that (I'm TIRED). I feel like I put this mammoth effort towards everything- my career, saving money, my kids, etc., etc., with ok results, and that she just takes it easy and things fall into her lap. I know that this is a dumb way of thinking- very stupid. I've felt this way before and then something terrible will happen to the person I'm envious of- they'll get cancer or something horrible like that, and then I'll fell really bad all over again. Why am I like this? I hate it. Tell me how not to be envious of other people and just accept what I have.