Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a greedy and petty person. People give the gift they want to give.

And if they want to give a gift intended, in a passive-aggressive way, to make you feel bad--you can complain about it!

Every one of these threads baffles me. Have some of you truly never encountered someone who uses gifts in a manipulative way? Maybe because they KNOW you can't say anything without looking…greedy and petty?

I have encountered manipulative people and then I either stopped being friends with them or avoided them if they were a coworker or similar. I have been fortunate enough not to have had manipulative relatives. I am disappointed and annoyed with MIL's behavior. I can afford to buy my kid her own toys and while I appreciated gifts to me I can live without them too. It is the action and intention that bothers me. On my side of the family my father is widowed and he gives us nothing and my dd small gifts but he treats all of his kids and grandkids equally. He doesn't take it against us for not spending a holiday with him or choosing to go on vacation over a holiday.

OP I would make sure your kids brag to this evil MIL about the great gifts they got from their other grandparents.

Why don't you have your DH call her out on it? Seems unfair to treat your DC like that just b/c you aren't spending Xmas w/ them this year.

Its not about the money, its about the pa bullshit your MIL is dishing out. That is so mean spirited and petty, to not give one of your grandchildren a comparable gift because she is spending xmas with her other grandparents.

Meant "I WOULD call her out on it"

Our family lives overseas, and while the grandparents send something every year, the rest do not unless we visit them at Christmas. It's not blackmail, but part of the difficulty of having family overseas.

However in your case, it does sound as if MIL goes out of her way to send a futile and passive-aggressive message. I would not call her out on it when she launches into her speech: "Yes MIL, I understand that you are much more generous when you know your gift recipients are actually coming for Christmas. My daughter will certainly notice as she grows older, and it will probably not be fun for her."

It's not clear from your post whether you're being petty and judging the amount spent on the gifts or if your MIL is going out of her way to let you know that she spent less on your kids than on the other grandkids because you're not spending Christmas with her. If it's the former, that's no good OP - a gift is a gift, not an entitlement, be grateful and let it be. If it's the later, your MIL is trying to manipulate your family with gifts, so the gifts aren't simply gifts, they're tools for some power game she wants to play. Don't play. Thank her for the gifts and ignore her shots at the Christmas alternating arrangement you & your husband have set up.

Anonymous wrote:You are a greedy and petty person. People give the gift they want to give.

And if they want to give a gift intended, in a passive-aggressive way, to make you feel bad--you can complain about it!

Every one of these threads baffles me. Have some of you truly never encountered someone who uses gifts in a manipulative way? Maybe because they KNOW you can't say anything without looking…greedy and petty?

Anonymous wrote:Just exchanged gifts and I think it is just so petty. MIL can't accept that we'd also like to spend time with my family and maybe take a vacation over the winter break. We never change the amount we spend and always make sure to try to see them, but it is like she is trying to penalize us for not spending the holiday with her. Gifts for my DD were pretty small too and she went on an on about how she was so excited to give other grandkids their iPad, xbox and power wheels on Christmas day. I just think it is so petty and I feel sad for DD who is young now but will definitely notice in the future.

So what kind of gifts are your parents giving? If they aren't as good what your in-laws give when you're with them, why are you spending Christmas with your parents?? Spend T-giving with your family. This isn't rocket science.

And of course it is their money but it shows MIL's character. I don't react but I Think it is wrong.

If they normally spend $500 and switch to $75 it is a noticeable difference. I think it is petty and wrong to take it out on DD.

PP here -

It is their money and they can spend it the way they want. You sound entitled and too much of a drama queen.

They are not withholding life saving drugs or nutrition from your child. Get over it!

Wow, what a bitch! that would make me not want to spend any holidays with them.

You are a greedy and petty person. People give the gift they want to give.

Just exchanged gifts and I think it is just so petty. MIL can't accept that we'd also like to spend time with my family and maybe take a vacation over the winter break. We never change the amount we spend and always make sure to try to see them, but it is like she is trying to penalize us for not spending the holiday with her. Gifts for my DD were pretty small too and she went on an on about how she was so excited to give other grandkids their iPad, xbox and power wheels on Christmas day. I just think it is so petty and I feel sad for DD who is young now but will definitely notice in the future.