Very much so.

I get that it sucks, but I also believe that in life as mature adults, we have options as well.

Life is what we make of it + if one is truly miserable in a marriage, then who says you have to suck it up and stay miserable for any amount of time?

We live in a free country and no one can dictate how you live your life.

Everyone is accountable for their own choices in life.

Sorry if this sounds harsh to you, but I have always had to live w/every choice I have made in my life, good and bad.

So should everyone else.

Dead inside describes it perfectly. BTDT.

The people I know who divorced because of this wish they had done it sooner, a lot sooner.

Anonymous wrote:I have no emotional connection to DH, but am not all that lonely. My sibilings live about 30 minutes away, so I see them at least every other week. I have friends from work and my neighborhood. I am also an introvert. I wish that the situation with DH was different, and am sad that the marriage is not working, but I'm not really emotionally lonely.

This would have been my response about three years ago. I would have said that I wasn't really that lonely. Fast forward to now. I am single after a 20+ year marriage. My ex had been having a secret affair, and I found out about it. We divorced; it sucked. But I look back on it now and realize how emotionally vacant our marriage was. I did have good friends and a wonderful family, so I didn't feel like my life was so bad when I was married. My ex was not really abusive -- just completely checked out. But I am so much happier today. I do have lonely moments, but I really don't miss my ex at all (once in a while I miss the dream of what I "thought" we had together -- and what we did have at the beginning of our relationship).

I am working with a therapist to get back to my old self. My marriage chipped away at my self confidence and eroded my ability to really trust others. But I am dating,working on figuring things out, and oodles happier than I was staying in my lonely marriage. My ex seems happy with his new lady friend, and my DC is thriving as well.

I have no emotional connection to DH, but am not all that lonely. My sibilings live about 30 minutes away, so I see them at least every other week. I have friends from work and my neighborhood. I am also an introvert. I wish that the situation with DH was different, and am sad that the marriage is not working, but I'm not really emotionally lonely.

DW here and yes. No sex either and I miss it in the general sense but can't imagine having sex with him when I can't even have a meaningful conversation with him. We are good coparents and can talk about the kids, and we don't really fight, but after the kids go to bed we revert to our separate spots in the house. A few times lately I've tried to have a real conversation with him and got nowhere. Very lonely.

Yes, I was unbearably lonely and sad. I wanted my family to be intact, my kids to have THAT dad, and I wanted a fully engaged partner for myself. I finally realized that although I took my vows very seriously, and worked very hard on my marriage that
a. I couldn't be married to someone who didn't want to be married to me
b. I had to protect my kids above all else, and I didn't want to model an unhealthy/unsafe relationship (yeah - it went there)

So now I have sole custody of the kids, and true to from, ex is completely disengaged, living the life of a bachelor. Which is pretty much how he acted during last couple of years of our marriage. Sometimes I cry, because I know that the chances of my finding a partner to share my life with is low, and that I am the sole parent and provider for family. And my kids are sad because their dad isn't there for them. But at least I'm living an authentic life, which gives me some measure of peace.

I always used to judge people who had affairs - you have made your vows, etc... but two decades into a relationship that has lost any love or affection and consists of at best cold cooperation and at worst bitter resentment, in a job you despise and no social life, you become dead inside. Perhaps people just want to feel something again, to feel alive and wanted.

Yep, husband here and feel exactly the same. We have sex about twice a year.

The sad part is that with work and moving and kids, I have very little contact with my friends any more either. Luckily the kids are fantastic.

The internet now fulfils my needs for sex, conversation etc.
It is tragic.

DW here. Lonely even though we have regular sex. No emotional connection.

Have you told your spouse how you feel?

I am definitely the more emotionally needy on in our relationship, my DH is pretty emotionally contained and sometimes I need to just tell him that I am feeling lonely and need some attention and connection.
Long marriages have their lulls, talk to your spouse, in a non-confrotntational way. It may be time for some nights out or activities or weekends away for just the two of you.

Anonymous wrote:Wife here. Married and very lonely.

DH - same and it feels terrible. You date, find someone you want to marry, the other person feels the same way, and it comes to this.

Wife here. Married and very lonely.

Yes, it sucks. It's a really awful kind of loneliness. I'm actually doing much better now that I'm alone.

DH here. I know there are all types of postings regarding sexless marriages. And given the other post regarding emotional vs physical affairs, I was wondering if anyone else is dealing with being emotionally lonely in their marriage. The sex stopped awhile ago but that's not the tough part - its the lack of emotional connection, affection, and sense of being a couple. I know you get the divorce crowd or the wait to the kids are in school crowd, but frankly when I was young I never contemplated that you could be married and lonely. It definitely sucks...