passive aggressive - not wanting to give rules, wanting to show them that she's fun, wanting to boost her ego by not being the mean one.

I don't view wanting to show them that she is fun as being passive aggressive. More like just passive. My dad does this to me with my son all of the time. He does it because he wants my son to like him, not based on anything against me. I'm fine with it. In reality, I do make the rules, not my dad, so I have no problem with his statements.

Op here. I know it's not the worst problem in the world. Just venting. It's more work when she's here though. She doesn't enforce any rules at all and let's them go nuts and run amok. The house is a mess when she leaves and it's exhausting and disruptive. Im not anal or rigid at all, I just don't like her letting them dump Legos all over the floor and move on to something else. If she was visiting from out of town once in a while, I would be much more lenient and understanding. I just hate dealing with the fun uncle dynamic when she's a grown woman who comes over every few days. The teenage babysitters have more control and are more respectful than her.

Again, just a little venting here.

I can see why it is annoying, but as the others said, I'd say let it go.

It sounds to me like she's trying to teach them to respect your authority as their mother. That's a good thing.

In contrast with PPs, I think it's well possible that she's being passive aggressive - not wanting to give rules, wanting to show them that she's fun, wanting to boost her ego by not being the mean one.

That said, the general advice of "let it go" stands, I think. Not much you can do. It's nice that she helps, and maybe I'm wrong re: the passive-aggressive impulse. You're a good mom who makes and sticks to rules, so you're winning even if you're bad cop.

"Your mommy is a lazy complainer and said that you can't jump on the couch. I told my son not to marry her. "
How's that?

Grandma is already looking after them and you still complain......

Let it go. Your MIL is giving you a needed break by coming over. Who cares what she says as long as they aren't coloring on the walls. Isn't that the purpose?

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be upset about that. She probably just assumes that they will take the instructions more seriously if they associate them with you.

+1. It's ok to be the bad guy.

Grow up.

She's not your co-parent so it's not like she's obligated to stand firm with you. The joy of grandparents on both sides of the relationship is a little spoiling. You are the bad guy. Embrace it and let it go.

I wouldn't be upset about that. She probably just assumes that they will take the instructions more seriously if they associate them with you.

Get over it and be thankful that you have a MIL that comes over to look after your kids. You get a break and the kids get to see their grandmother.

I'm sure you have deeper issues with your MIL (most women do) but this isn't one to focus on.

You are the bad guy. It's the joy of motherhood. Accept it. Embrace it.

MIL lives nearby and sees the grandkids every few days. Whenever she is here and my kids are doing something they shouldn't or ask for something they can't have and I say no, she says "No, Larla, mommy said you can't." It drives me nuts. It's like she's comiserating with them and making me the bad cop. I think she thinks she's helping, but it makes me crazy.

For example, if she's playing with them and letting them jump all over the couch and I come in and tell them not to, she'll say "ok guys, no more jumping. Mommy said you can't jump on the couch." Or if I'm making dinner and they start asking her for cookies and I say no, she'll say "sorry guys, mommy said you can't have cookies." Why does it have to always be "mommy said"? She can't just say "no kids, don't run with scissors" or "we can't color on the walls" instead of "mommy said you can't color on the walls".

Vent over.