Anonymous
12/12/2014 08:43
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:I say "this is what we decided," or "this is what I'm doing," or 'I'd just rather not talk about it." I don't get into debates with her. If you ever answer "because..." She will have a comeback.
Agree with this - my mom treats any reason as the opening point for further discussion.
Anonymous
12/12/2014 00:07
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Shock and awe.
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Enough, I suppose. Then again, maybe not." (Grabs a donut)
"Vaginal or C-Section"
"We haven't decided. Got a coin we can flip?"
Make up on the toddler
"Thanks, but I'd rather not pimp her out just yet."
But SIL's kids are allowed to...
"Color me shocked."
Good stuff. On the vaginal or c-section, you can also add, "I'd rather not discuss my vagina with you."
You're really not comfortable telling your mother-in-law if you had a vaginal birth or a c-section? People discuss that with complete strangers. Are you sure you're not putting up boundaries just to prove a point?
Anonymous
12/11/2014 23:34
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here- though some examples might be useful. For instance, MIL will ask
1) So, how much weight have you gained!? (in pregnancy- I honestly don't thing she's being bitchy, but I don't want to talk about it)
"I really don't remember"
2) So, C section or a vaginal birth
"I'll work with my doctor on that"
3) ME: I don't want you to put make up on my baby
HER: But we have so much fun! Why not!? THere's nothing wrong with it.
"I am very uncomfortable with that, and she is my baby." <---- assertiveness necessary here, and if she pushes, "please don't question my parenting decisions."
4) HER: But [my SIL's kids, her grandchildren by her daughter] are allowed to...
"I suppose that works for them - but not for us."
This is perfect!!!!
Anonymous
12/11/2014 23:29
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
I say "this is what we decided," or "this is what I'm doing," or 'I'd just rather not talk about it." I don't get into debates with her. If you ever answer "because..." She will have a comeback.
Anonymous
12/11/2014 22:07
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here- though some examples might be useful. For instance, MIL will ask
1) So, how much weight have you gained!? (in pregnancy- I honestly don't thing she's being bitchy, but I don't want to talk about it)
"I really don't remember"
2) So, C section or a vaginal birth
"I'll work with my doctor on that"
3) ME: I don't want you to put make up on my baby
HER: But we have so much fun! Why not!? THere's nothing wrong with it.
"I am very uncomfortable with that, and she is my baby." <---- assertiveness necessary here, and if she pushes, "please don't question my parenting decisions."
4) HER: But [my SIL's kids, her grandchildren by her daughter] are allowed to...
"I suppose that works for them - but not for us."
Yes to all of these.
Print this out and tape it to your bathroom mirror. Immediately after saying any of these responses, say "I wonder if it will rain tonight. What do you think?"
Anonymous
12/11/2014 20:45
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:Shock and awe.
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Enough, I suppose. Then again, maybe not." (Grabs a donut)
"Vaginal or C-Section"
"We haven't decided. Got a coin we can flip?"
Make up on the toddler
"Thanks, but I'd rather not pimp her out just yet."
But SIL's kids are allowed to...
"Color me shocked."
Good stuff. On the vaginal or c-section, you can also add, "I'd rather not discuss my vagina with you."
Anonymous
12/11/2014 18:02
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
But why can't I....
You say: "I would just rather you not. Let's do ___ instead."
You say: "I would just rather you not. Let's do ___ instead."
Anonymous
12/11/2014 17:54
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Shock and awe.
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Enough, I suppose. Then again, maybe not." (Grabs a donut)
"Vaginal or C-Section"
"We haven't decided. Got a coin we can flip?"
Make up on the toddler
"Thanks, but I'd rather not pimp her out just yet."
But SIL's kids are allowed to...
"Color me shocked."
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Enough, I suppose. Then again, maybe not." (Grabs a donut)
"Vaginal or C-Section"
"We haven't decided. Got a coin we can flip?"
Make up on the toddler
"Thanks, but I'd rather not pimp her out just yet."
But SIL's kids are allowed to...
"Color me shocked."
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:41
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Thanks, I'll think about it. [CHANGE SUBJECT]
Thanks, I know you really care. [CHANGE SUBJECT]
Or just ask some semi-related question. Like if the question is makeup on kids, ask where your MIL gets her manicures.
Thanks, I know you really care. [CHANGE SUBJECT]
Or just ask some semi-related question. Like if the question is makeup on kids, ask where your MIL gets her manicures.
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:37
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
I have found it is helpful to repeat the same phrase over and over. It is annoying but it gets the message across. My ILs aren't exactly the same, but they will often push an issue even after DH and I have given them a definitive answer. When we response the same response she seems to get that she is nagging us about the same issue over and over and then moves on. Maybe you could try 'thanks for the idea, but that doesn't work for our family'
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:23
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:OP here- though some examples might be useful. For instance, MIL will ask
1) So, how much weight have you gained!? (in pregnancy- I honestly don't thing she's being bitchy, but I don't want to talk about it)
"I really don't remember"
2) So, C section or a vaginal birth
"I'll work with my doctor on that"
3) ME: I don't want you to put make up on my baby
HER: But we have so much fun! Why not!? THere's nothing wrong with it.
"I am very uncomfortable with that, and she is my baby." <---- assertiveness necessary here, and if she pushes, "please don't question my parenting decisions."
4) HER: But [my SIL's kids, her grandchildren by her daughter] are allowed to...
"I suppose that works for them - but not for us."
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:20
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
Anonymous wrote:This is what works for our family.
GOod one. THanks.
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:20
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
OP here- though some examples might be useful. For instance, MIL will ask
1) So, how much weight have you gained!? (in pregnancy- I honestly don't thing she's being bitchy, but I don't want to talk about it)
2) So, C section or a vaginal birth
3) ME: I don't want you to put make up on my baby
HER: But we have so much fun! Why not!? THere's nothing wrong with it.
4) HER: But [my SIL's kids, her grandchildren by her daughter] are allowed to...
1) So, how much weight have you gained!? (in pregnancy- I honestly don't thing she's being bitchy, but I don't want to talk about it)
2) So, C section or a vaginal birth
3) ME: I don't want you to put make up on my baby
HER: But we have so much fun! Why not!? THere's nothing wrong with it.
4) HER: But [my SIL's kids, her grandchildren by her daughter] are allowed to...
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:17
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
This is what works for our family.
Anonymous
12/11/2014 16:17
Subject: visiting in-laws; help me come up with good phrases for 1) I don't need to tell you why and 2) it's
My in-laws are visiting. They are great people but have very, very different boundaries from me. I also am prone to wanting to explain my parenting decisions but I've decided I am done with that.
Can you help me remember/say
1) That's my decision and I don't need to explain it to you (i.e., I don't want you to play makeup with my 2- year old) and you need to respect it.
2) That's none of your business- I don't need to give rationale or explanation.
I don't want to be rude nor confrontational, but I do want to cut off conversation and curb my own instincts to say more than I should. ideas or good phrases?
Can you help me remember/say
1) That's my decision and I don't need to explain it to you (i.e., I don't want you to play makeup with my 2- year old) and you need to respect it.
2) That's none of your business- I don't need to give rationale or explanation.
I don't want to be rude nor confrontational, but I do want to cut off conversation and curb my own instincts to say more than I should. ideas or good phrases?