I think it's a bad road to go down- once he does it once, it's been done and the next time will be easier. And at some point he will get caught and his wife could make things very difficult for him. this time it might be easy - if this woman isn't after him for love or there's no husband to get angry. but next time he might not be so lucky.

Ask him what he would say to his daughter if she found out.

I caught my mom cheating and it has irreparably damaged our relationship to this day.

I'm a female cheater. My DH hasn't found out, and my life hasn't crumbled. But there are risks:

- You can develop feelings for the OW. You know it's not going to end well - either you'll divorce your wife or the affair will eventually end - either way you could end up with a broken heart if you fall for her. There is no "happily ever after" for affairs.

-OW could develop feelings for you. She could tell your wife, or threaten to. Or she could just get so needy that you're miserable.

- Being single, she might not be as careful to avoid getting caught. If you're going to cheat, do it with someone who has as much incentive as you to keep it secret.

- The constant lying and guilt can be tiresome. Keep track of what you've told your wife, she will pick up on inconsistencies in your story.

- Having an affair gives you enough of an "outlet" that you stop working on your marriage. The marriage goes further downhill, you turn more in to the affair, and it spirals down from there. It's a vicious cycle.

The last of these, combined with fear of getting caught and making my kids grow up in a broken home, is why I ended my last affair (and haven't started another). Started focusing on getting the spice back into my marriage instead, and I'm much happier now.

I'm a very reasonable, non-vindictive, drama-free person so my cheating husband had it easy. He only lost his family and his home. I didn't broadcast what he did, drag his name through the mud, confront the OW, create a public spectacle, tell the kids, tell our relatives, or anything like that. But all of those are very real possibilities. And even without all that, I'm certain he regrets it.

If he wants to stay married, even if his wife agrees, there will never ever never be the same level of trust again, even 50 years from now, if she ever finds out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's much better when the other woman IS married because then they both have something to lose. This chick is gonna fall in love and then tell his wife.

OP here. Nope this chick is divorced and a bit older. She is going to be using HIM for sex. I see him falling in love first if at all. He's just a foolsih risk taker. The guy who would jump off the second story from the frat house in college and laugh about it.

Ok, the way I read this is this:

OP is trying to convince himself he shouldn't cheat therefore asking dcum to listen reasons why he shouldn't. But you already know you will anyway..

When his kids grow up, this will be part of the conversation on every first date they ever have. "Well, my parents split up when I was young because my dad cheated on my mom." Does he really want that to his legacy for them?

Worst case scenario would be his wife divorces him.

In which case, have him talk to any financially successful man about losing 1/2 his money and only getting to see his kids 50% of the time.

I don't know. My cheating DH lost half his net worth (actually more…). Is that enough of a downside?

Anonymous wrote:It's much better when the other woman IS married because then they both have something to lose. This chick is gonna fall in love and then tell his wife.

OP here. Nope this chick is divorced and a bit older. She is going to be using HIM for sex. I see him falling in love first if at all. He's just a foolsih risk taker. The guy who would jump off the second story from the frat house in college and laugh about it.

It's much better when the other woman IS married because then they both have something to lose. This chick is gonna fall in love and then tell his wife.

Paying for two households.

Virginia is not a no fault state.

Does he have kids? Needs to hear that the kids may find out, and then he will lose their respect and any authority he may have had. Don't teach your kids it's ok to lie about sex. And don't teach your kids that their dad is a liar.

He's getting the 7 year itch. Let's hear from cheaters. How did your life crumble? Or maybe it didn't. Luckily this woman is single so he won't take a shotgun to the face from a husband.