I agree with the previous posters. One thing I wanted to add is about his tendency to lash out more when you set boundaries. That is completely typical of someone having emotional issues. They are used to acting a certain way to get a certain response, and when they don't get it, it makes them furious and they lash out harder in the hopes of getting it. It's no different from how your small child will test boundaries and you have to reinforce them over and over again before they get it. Your brother may never "get it," but that doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing. Your interactions with your brother need to be ones that feel emotionally safe for you, or you can't provide any support to him.

There are two issues - a person can have a mental illness just like someone can have a serious physical illness; and in both cases it is how they handle the mental or physical illness that impacts on others. I think your seeing a therapist to be able to get an idea of the reasonable boundaries that you have already set or perhaps others that may need to be set is a sensible step to take. If you have a spouse or children (especially) you do need to consider boundaries regarding them, too on both sides. Your brother might do very well face-to-face for a holiday visit with just you in your home, but not with little kids running around so if kids can't be out with Dad doing something, maybe best to plan a holiday meal elsewhere. You can praise him when things are going well and relate it to the positive efforts of meds and therapy he is putting in, but there will likely be ups and downs as often when one is feeling good and life is going smoothly one thinks one does not need to stay on the medication which can have side effects. Mostly nice to see you are a caring sister.

I have a brother like yours and agree with the advice the PP gave. I'm sorry my brother is in such pain but there's little I can do to assist him wihthismental challenges and I need to maintain my own mental health and stablity. I decline invitations where I don't feel things will go well for me, I disengage when his behavior towards me is inappropriate (and I tell him so) and I refuse to be guilted into changing my own behavior. It sucks and it's hard but it's what I have to do. Hugs.

I have a parent with mental illness. Totally get it. They are ill, but it does not give them a pass to act like that toward you.

Does he have a therapist? If yes, then get in touch with him/her. The therapist cannot tell you what goes on in sessions, but you can give information that may help therapy.

When he starts acting abusive verbally, let him know you won't toleate it and will leave/hang up, etc....if he continues. And do it. Don't be afraid to leave, but if he is behaving correctly, be open to forgiveness and going back.

He needs to be open to medications. Psychiatric illness is a result of biochemical imbalance. He needs drugs. Maybe not forever, but certainly at this point. May even need hospitalization.

I have been there....be strong and consistent.

My brother is a mess mentally. Definitely depressed. Possibly bipolar (he received that diagnosis in a hospital once). I don't think he's bipolar, but I'm not an expert. Anyway, he's lashing out at our parents, his kids, and occasionally me. I realize intellectually he's lashing out because he's in pain. But that doesn't mean we've got to take it, right? He doesn't live with any of us (has his kids 50% of the time). When we do stuff to protect ourselves from his bad behavior, he lashes out even more. I feel we are being reasonable. Of course that's all subjective. One example is politely declining an invitation to a particular event where he "always" gets out of hand and is insulting to our elderly parents.

I don't know how to try and be supportive while protecting myself from his verbal tirades and crazy roller coaster emotions. And I want to be supportive. Even though he's making me furious with his antics, I know deep down he needs people who love him to be there for him. I just don't know how to approach it.

Anyone been there, done that?

FWIW I do have an appointment with a therapist myself to see if I can learn any tips for navigating the upcoming holidays in as healthy a way possible.