As little as possible. After almost a decade of marriage, i'm done w/ my MIL. she's a very selfish person, and I can't stand to be around her. Two examples: 1) they refuse to turn up the heat when we visit. my 19 month old was ice cold in the morning. 2) she was making pancakes for breakfast. she served DH then FIL and then DH again. she ignored me and DD. I grabbed one off of DH's plate and started to feed DD.

We probably see her once or twice a year.

They live across the country. A minimum of every two months. Sometimes FIL just stays for a long weekend, and MIL will stay longer (a week to 10 days).

She's much more touchy-feely than I am (I'm a WASP) and is very sweet.

We go there once a year for 5 days and they come to us once a year for 5 days. I wouldn't mind if it was a bit more frequent. I find it kind of sad that they only see the grandkids 10 days a year, but they don't seem to mind.

FIL -- 2-3x/year
MIL -- once every 3 years?

Once a month
And they're 4 hours away and won't visit us. Generally we go for a reason (birthdays, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas) but they spaced birthdays out so we always seem to have a reason to go....

2x a year. Good lord, every 6 weeks? I would lose my effing mind and be in a constant state of dread of the next impending visit.

Mine come from about 5 hours away (by car) for 2 days every 6 weeks or so - and I think that's too long. As two parents who work full time out of the home very long hours, our weekend time is really sacred to us and I feel like my in-laws eat up too much of it!

2-3 times a year but she'd be here weekly if we let her.

Too often.

If they had their way, we'd see them monthly, they usually come for a weekend or long weekend. We've managed to space it out to about 6 weeks in between. Now that we no longer have a guest room and they have to pay for a hotel, it's declined a bit.

Once a year usually.They not really interested in coming over and for is its difficult to travel with 3 kids

A whole week every other month? And I suppose you go see them at some point? You're allowed to say no, OP. MIL doesn't just get to "decide" to do this.

What does DH have to say about it? I think you and he need to agree on what's reasonable and then figure out a way to accomplish that.

Don't approach as "x per year" with MIL--more like "Ok, a good week for a visit isn't until x and we have y and z going on, so can you just come for Friday 'til Tuesday this time?" And just keep doing that until things are naturally space out a bit more and not every visit is a week long.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I thought things would get easier when in-laws moved out of state, but now all visits are at least a week long. I personally can't handle house guests that long, so it's destroyed my relationship with MIL She comes every 2 months or so. We try to make it out there once or twice (or usually I send DH with DS)

This is me (OP), too. I can't do a week...of ANYONE. Not my parents, not my MIL, not friends. I like peace and quiet in my house and my kids act like psychos when MIL visits. I'm hoping that more frequent, shorter visits will help. If not, I've decided that outside of thanksgiving, when I can't swing it, I will go out of town to visit friends when MIL comes for more than 3 nights.

Ugh, I thought things would get easier when in-laws moved out of state, but now all visits are at least a week long. I personally can't handle house guests that long, so it's destroyed my relationship with MIL She comes every 2 months or so. We try to make it out there once or twice (or usually I send DH with DS)

At least a couple times a week, but they're local.

How frequently do you see your in-laws and how long, on average, is each visit. We don't see my MIL that often - 5 times a year - but she likes to stay for a week. She's decided she wants to see the kids more often, so wants to come every 6 weeks or so. I'm trying to figure out if most ILs visit for a shorter time. I cannot to 10 week long stays with her, but want to get a sense of what's typical before raising with DH.