You say congratulations. Don't taint his announcement with your unhappiness. Then, at the next incident, you can talk to him about your thoughts, but never point the finger at the fiance. Just say, "You know, before 2012, you never had trouble with the law or violence. What's changed? What's driving you down this path?"

I once was in a similar situation and just said, "Congratulations -- I know this is what you wanted." And then left it at that.

OP, I understand how terrible this feels but I would smile and say "Congratulations" and leave it at that.

And your brother obviously had major problems before he ever met this woman. He doesn't want to get better and that's why he chose her. You say you're not blaming her but it feels like you are.

Okay, wait a minute, maybe you are seeing it in the context that your brother is making yet another bad choice. That makes sense.

Why wait til the engagement? How do you know an engagement is impending? Tell him now you think they aren't good for each other. If they get engaged, encourage premarital counseling, etc. Sounds messed up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really blaming her for his violence?

Yeah...

+10000

OP, you seem to think your family is perfect. I think we have touched upon the issue!

Wait, does your family regularly get arrested and have CPS investigate child neglect? That's the norm?

Who are you talking to?

OP, suck it up and put your big girl panties on. There is nothing worse than women who are too insecure to welcome a nice, kind, fun, warm woman into their lives. If your brother loves her, you should at least try. She is not going to be exactly like you and yours, how boring would that be? Try to embrace her, make her fell welcome, and find out what the violence (??) charges are about.

No one is advocating violence here. But I can see how PP would certainly ask for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really blaming her for his violence?

Yeah...

+10000

OP, you seem to think your family is perfect. I think we have touched upon the issue!

Wait, does your family regularly get arrested and have CPS investigate child neglect? That's the norm?

Say "Congrats," wish them good luck and then pray for them.

Anonymous wrote:Are you really blaming her for his violence?

Yeah...

+10000

OP, you seem to think your family is perfect. I think we have touched upon the issue!

Anonymous wrote:Are you really blaming her for his violence?

Yeah...

Sexist to assume that....

Are you really blaming her for his violence?

Yeah...

Just smile and hug and congratulations. Nothing good will come of you saying "Holy shit, are you SURE?! I mean, she's a freaking FREAK!"

And you despise who he has become since dating his girlfriend? It will feel like death when he tells us. And I'm expecting it at Christmas.

I don't want to be mean or bring him down. I'd feel badly if the roles were reversed. But I don't think I can fake sincere good wishes. I mean, since he started seeing this person, between the two of them they've suffered multiple arrests, a CPS investigation, a suicide attempt, domestic violence, fist fights with others, and drinking while driving. None of this stuff happened before her. Not directly blaming her. I actually feel sorry for her. But they bring out the absolute worst in each other.

What would you do? I just need to know how to get through the announcement.