They are criticizing you and getting in the way of your family's needs. DH needs to stand with you.

And yes, you can tell them they're not welcome for A WEEK.

And yes, you do have reasons for not welcoming them as overnight guests.

OP again. How can I say No? I mean I can say no but I'm not the only person involved- they are DH's parents after all. I can't say his parents aren't welcome. I Wouldn't need advice if it were that simple!

Let them stay home for some of the activities. Send your kids in on Christmas morning to wake them up so they won't miss them opening presents. If they don't wake up, proceed with opening presents. Then if MIL is sad she missed it you can say "well, we tried to wake you up and you didn't get up." This year I'm thinking of starting a new tradition of a snow tubing vacation. You could do the same.

It's so simple. Why don't you just say no? You don't need to give an explanation. Just say it doesn't work for you this year.

You need to come down off of the cross and stop being a martyr.

Anything critical gets called out immediately. "Helen, that was very critical. I think you owe me an apology. If you can't apologize, I am going to ask yoou to leave." And follow through. "Helen, this isn't working out. Please pack your things and I will arrange a hotel and call a cab."

As for the traditions, make your plan, give them notice, do it anyway. Anything that involves driving, hire uber. Seriously. They do not get to hijack your husband.

I would:
- set a schedule in advance and rent a larger car for that week so they can join in if they want (if they don't want, they make other arrangements);
- have the kids open their present except the ones given by ILs so that they can be present to witness it;
- I would not bother telling the kids to keep their voices down on this ONE morning, because hey, it's Christmas!
- not short-order cook anything. Everyone eats what I serve, when I serve it, otherwise they're on their own.

But most importantly, I would make sure to never have the ILs on consecutive years! Go to your family, take a vacation, take a staycation, just say NO.
If she's criticizing you constantly, growing a backbone won't really make it any worse, will it? Don't be afraid to be the bad guy.

Zoo lights, go without them.

Christmas morning, do it your way and if they want to sleep, that's their issue. Tell them when the kids will likely wake up and start opening presents so they've had ample warning.

Don't make breakfast and clean. Either so easy stuff like a buffet or have your husband do the clean up.

Some of these things have solutions but if they are jerks, they are jerks.

They don't drive well so you can't (insert thing here). Leave them home, send them elsewhere, or rent a larger car for the day so you can all go do the thing in the same car.

Christmas Eve schedule -- you set the schedule and inform them what the schedule will be.

Have a big open house and invite lots of families with kids over as buffer one day.

OP here. As an example we go to zoo lights the week before but they don't want to walk in the cold. We do drive through lights on Christmas eve. That they insist on joining in but we have to drive them separately so it ends up just me and kids while DH is in a separate car. We open presents Christmas morning but they like to sleep later. This happened last year so the kids had open presents quietly so as not to wake them. Then MIL woke up and was "sad" she missed it. I spend the rest of morning cooking everyone breakfast and cleaning up Instead of enjoying my family time.

You can't change other people. You can only change your reaction to them. Tell your IL's what your itinerary is and some of the non-negotiables on it. Ask them which events they will be attending and which they would prefer to opt out of. Be matter of fact and pleasant about it and don't act defensive. Just because they're visiting doesn't mean you have to spend every waking moment together.

You need your own schedule which includes plenty of time out of the house. Give no explanation - just be gone on a consistent schedule for several hours.

Of course the better approach is they stay in a hotel. And you inform them of when, what time, it will be convenient for them to come to the house. Pay if you need to.

What traditions are you missing because they won't adapt to your kids schedules? Whatever it is, do it anyway. Tell them what you are doing and at what time, then it's up them to join you or skip it.

Ok, true. But what else?

Xanax.

Mine will be ruined again by ILs. They are coming again this year (we were supposed to trade off but my BIL and his family are so done with them that they are skiing for Christmas so they are coming to us again. I have a feeling they will be skiing every single Christmas from now on! Anyway my MIL makes everything miserable. She neess to be the center of everything including her husband , my husband, and my side of the family. She criticizes me openly and constantly to a point that my parents are me at added to hear her. She doesn't help whatsoever and they stay for an entire week! We can't do any of the Christmas eve traditions we normally have because of their inability to adjust to the kids schedules. They don't drive well so we can't easily go do things - see Christmas lights, go ice skating, etc, unless DH splits up and goes with his parents instead of me and kids. The stress of them staying for so long wears everyone down until Christmas becomes an unbearable thing that I just want to be over. And then I get so mad that I missed another year. Help me!