This is the reason I started hosting thanksgiving myself. Several family members have poorly behaved dogs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure what's more annoying... Dog people who take their dogs everywhere regardless of other people's wishes, or people who have irrational fears and can't relax. I'd have probably silently removed the dog and either put it outside or in the garage. Is anyone asked I'd have reminded them about our repeated conversations regarding what dogs would be present. It really sounds like a pissing match with the dog owner wanting to be an asshole dog owner.

Yeah, but we're talking about a child. One would hope that you have some compassion and not just see a child with a fear of dogs as "more annoying."

NP here. The dog was leashed to the couch, so the child doesn't have to be around the dog unless he chooses to go near it. I'm assuming OP takes her child out in public, where people have their dogs on leashes.

When you are a guest in someone's house, you don't get to dictate who else is allowed to be there. As a parent, you have a right to a safe space for your child. But if the dog is leashed or crated or in some way kept in one space, there really is no issue, except that you tell your child to just avoid that area.

The only way I would say something is if the dog wasn't leashed or contained and allowed to run loose. But if the dog was contained, what is the issue?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Either she's clueless or she was completely overwhelmed with things and really forgot. Plus she must secretly think your child is overreacting - a lot of dogowners don't get that their dog is a horror.

We are hypervigilant with our 4 year old DC when we go to a friend's 90 lbs dog that jumps on people and licks them aggresssively (and barks your ear off). Our older DC can fend the dog off with his elbow but the little one can't - so we ask that my friend crate the dog as soon as we arrive.

There is a bit of my SILs thinking that my child is over reacting and it is their responsibility to make my child not fearful of dogs.

This.

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure what's more annoying... Dog people who take their dogs everywhere regardless of other people's wishes, or people who have irrational fears and can't relax. I'd have probably silently removed the dog and either put it outside or in the garage. Is anyone asked I'd have reminded them about our repeated conversations regarding what dogs would be present. It really sounds like a pissing match with the dog owner wanting to be an asshole dog owner.

Yeah, but we're talking about a child. One would hope that you have some compassion and not just see a child with a fear of dogs as "more annoying."

I am not sure what's more annoying... Dog people who take their dogs everywhere regardless of other people's wishes, or people who have irrational fears and can't relax. I'd have probably silently removed the dog and either put it outside or in the garage. Is anyone asked I'd have reminded them about our repeated conversations regarding what dogs would be present. It really sounds like a pissing match with the dog owner wanting to be an asshole dog owner.

Anonymous wrote:
Either she's clueless or she was completely overwhelmed with things and really forgot. Plus she must secretly think your child is overreacting - a lot of dogowners don't get that their dog is a horror.

We are hypervigilant with our 4 year old DC when we go to a friend's 90 lbs dog that jumps on people and licks them aggresssively (and barks your ear off). Our older DC can fend the dog off with his elbow but the little one can't - so we ask that my friend crate the dog as soon as we arrive.

There is a bit of my SILs thinking that my child is over reacting and it is their responsibility to make my child not fearful of dogs.

There's no sense in bringing it up now. The next time that dog might be around, ask if it will be, and decide what you can do to avoid it. Wasn't there another room you could be in to get away from the dog, even the bathroom or outside? My son used to be afraid of dogs. When he was a baby the IL's dog barked at him and tried to get him. It scared me even. Since then they always boarded the dog when we came to visit. They kept giving us stuffed animals and figurines that looked like this dog though. Why on earth would we want to be reminded of a dog that tried to attack my baby? Anyway, the dog recently died. Problem solved. In the meantime, he got to know another dog that was much nicer, so he is not afraid anymore. He also has gotten to like our cat. When he gets off the school bus there are often dogs, and is he cautious to stay out of the way of the dogs. I think the problem will lessen as your child gets older. At least they had the dog tied up. Maybe ear plugs would help if the barking scares him.

"a friend's house. The friend has a 90 lbs dog..."
Sorry, still over-turkeyed from yesterday!

Either she's clueless or she was completely overwhelmed with things and really forgot. Plus she must secretly think your child is overreacting - a lot of dogowners don't get that their dog is a horror.

We are hypervigilant with our 4 year old DC when we go to a friend's 90 lbs dog that jumps on people and licks them aggresssively (and barks your ear off). Our older DC can fend the dog off with his elbow but the little one can't - so we ask that my friend crate the dog as soon as we arrive.

It was inconsiderate--but I would let it go. Does your SIL have kids? She seems really clueless. I love dogs but when my kids were younger they were scared of high energy dogs and my SIL just kept their bouncy GSD mix in her crate when we were there.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't address it now, after the fact. As soon as you arrived yesterday, you could have said "It would have been helpful to have a headsup on the dog" but that moment has passed. Going forward, I'd always ask who's coming & who's bringing their dog to the family functions. Hopefully your relatives are understanding about it - my SIL didn't take offense when I asked about the dogs & babygates before deciding whether to take her up on the offer to stay with them. She has sweet dogs, and I like them, but my kid is terrified and that gets taken into consideration as well.

Thanks for the reminder.

Let it go.

I wouldn't address it now, after the fact. As soon as you arrived yesterday, you could have said "It would have been helpful to have a headsup on the dog" but that moment has passed. Going forward, I'd always ask who's coming & who's bringing their dog to the family functions. Hopefully your relatives are understanding about it - my SIL didn't take offense when I asked about the dogs & babygates before deciding whether to take her up on the offer to stay with them. She has sweet dogs, and I like them, but my kid is terrified and that gets taken into consideration as well.

Wow, Op, I hope your son is o.k. today.

I have a child who is afraid of dogs. We are working on this - but right now he is afraid of dogs.

2 of my brothers have dogs. Brother #1 has an older lab that just hangs out. Brother #2 has a high energy Goldendoodle.
Thanksgiving was at the house with the older lab. We had worked with my son a lot over the last week to prepare him to be in the house with the dog. We reminded him that the dog is friendly, although it is big does not jump etc. In addition over the last week my son had spoken with his Aunt about the dog and she assured him of his calm demeanor.

We get to Thanksgiving yesterday and greeted by the barking of the goldendoodle who is leashed to the sofa. My child now has the death grip on me and does not relax all day. It was exhausting. My SIL who was hosting said that she forgot to mention the dog was coming. I am shocked that she forgot to mention it given that we discussed her dog multiple times over the last week with my son. I was not in an environment to discuss it with my SIL yesterday since there were no private places for conversations.

Would you let it go or bring it up?