Anonymous
11/28/2014 07:42
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
PAnonymous wrote:Agree with PP. Don't look for something to be offended over. DH married you and they welcome you.
PLUS 1
Anonymous
11/28/2014 07:40
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. They just always manage to say something like how it's best to marry within the religion or they'll ask me over and over again how we're going to raise DD or they'll say something about "those crazy Islamists," etc. It's just a little alienating sometimes.
SIL's comment in and of itself isn't bad--but that context is bad, and that is the issue.
Does DH speak up when they imply your marriage is inferior or when they bash Muslims? Heck, do you?
"Well, and sometimes marrying outside the faith is just the thing!" And smile lovingly at DH.
Or, "Hey, you do remember that I am Muslim, right? I would appreciate it if you could refrain from wholesale bashing of all Muslims."
Anonymous
11/28/2014 07:07
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with the comment, OP, given that these other things have occurred but probably it was not aimed at you.Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. They just always manage to say something like how it's best to marry within the religion or they'll ask me over and over again how we're going to raise DD or they'll say something about "those crazy Islamists," etc. It's just a little alienating sometimes.
Anonymous
11/28/2014 00:15
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
Anonymous wrote:ILs are very conservative Christians (for example, in their faith, the children are baptized at age 7 with the understanding that if they don't accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they will suffer in hell for all of eternity). I was raised in a fairly secular home by parents who are culturally Muslim. DH was "saved" at age 7, as were his siblings. His siblings are still very much into the church, but DH is obviously not since he married someone outside if his faith - me. ILs have been very nice and welcoming to me since about a year before our marriage (we dated for 6). Last night, DH's sister (age 40) was talking about how she wanted to meet a nice guy and was listing off the attributes that she deemed to be. "musts" for her future spouse (kind, loyal, etc). When she got to the end of her list, MIL asked in an astonished voice, "what about Christian?!" SIL answered, "well, of course." We're now 1 year into our marriage. Should this bother me or shield I just let it go? DH doesn't think it's a big deal.
I'd be stunned but let it go. That's how conservative Christians are. Why do you think she is still single at age 40?
Anonymous
11/27/2014 23:11
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. They just always manage to say something like how it's best to marry within the religion or they'll ask me over and over again how we're going to raise DD or they'll say something about "those crazy Islamists," etc. It's just a little alienating sometimes.
New poster here. I get you. I'm culturally Christian (meaning non-practicing but was raised Christian) married to a culturally Muslim man. We manage to piss off EVERYONE.
I wouldn't take that comment personally though. I doubt they meant anything about "you" specifically. It's just what they know.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 22:21
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
OP,
I am Catholic. MIL is Baptist and was just *horrified* that her son was marrying a Catholic. And I mean really and truly horrified. Asked me if we would be getting married by a (gasp) priest. Uh. Yes. When it came time for our child to be baptized, she called me no fewer than five times to ask me if there *had* to be a mass. Um. Yes, lady. There will be a mass as your grandchild is given the Sacrament of Baptism. Finally, I asked her what the issue was and another family member "didn't feel comfortable sitting through a mass." Not sure what she thought would happen at a mass, but whatever. I told her to tell the uncomfortable family to stay home and they did, gratefully. I am really quite sensitive to religious intolerance from in laws and the exchange between SIL and MIL wouldn't get my hackles up.
I am Catholic. MIL is Baptist and was just *horrified* that her son was marrying a Catholic. And I mean really and truly horrified. Asked me if we would be getting married by a (gasp) priest. Uh. Yes. When it came time for our child to be baptized, she called me no fewer than five times to ask me if there *had* to be a mass. Um. Yes, lady. There will be a mass as your grandchild is given the Sacrament of Baptism. Finally, I asked her what the issue was and another family member "didn't feel comfortable sitting through a mass." Not sure what she thought would happen at a mass, but whatever. I told her to tell the uncomfortable family to stay home and they did, gratefully. I am really quite sensitive to religious intolerance from in laws and the exchange between SIL and MIL wouldn't get my hackles up.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 21:38
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
OP here. Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. They just always manage to say something like how it's best to marry within the religion or they'll ask me over and over again how we're going to raise DD or they'll say something about "those crazy Islamists," etc. It's just a little alienating sometimes.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 21:11
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
What's the complaint you have? You were offended because they had that conversation in front of you? You're being overly sensitive.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 17:20
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
I don't even see anything to be offended by.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 17:11
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
I would let it go. They were talking about what your sister in law wants, after all. Not your husband.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 17:09
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
You sound like you want them to give up their strong religious beliefs so that you will feel better.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 16:56
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
Agree with PP. Don't look for something to be offended over. DH married you and they welcome you.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 16:38
Subject: Re:Overly sensitive or not?
I don't understand what's offensive about this. Your husbands family has strong beliefs and one of them is that you should marry within the faith. You and your husband don't share their beliefs but their beliefs are not offensive and have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 15:51
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
Anonymous wrote:ILs are very conservative Christians (for example, in their faith, the children are baptized at age 7 with the understanding that if they don't accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they will suffer in hell for all of eternity). I was raised in a fairly secular home by parents who are culturally Muslim. DH was "saved" at age 7, as were his siblings. His siblings are still very much into the church, but DH is obviously not since he married someone outside if his faith - me. ILs have been very nice and welcoming to me since about a year before our marriage (we dated for 6). Last night, DH's sister (age 40) was talking about how she wanted to meet a nice guy and was listing off the attributes that she deemed to be. "musts" for her future spouse (kind, loyal, etc). When she got to the end of her list, MIL asked in an astonished voice, "what about Christian?!" SIL answered, "well, of course." We're now 1 year into our marriage. Should this bother me or shield I just let it go? DH doesn't think it's a big deal.
OP here. Please forgive the typos. Typing on my phone.
Anonymous
11/27/2014 15:49
Subject: Overly sensitive or not?
ILs are very conservative Christians (for example, in their faith, the children are baptized at age 7 with the understanding that if they don't accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they will suffer in hell for all of eternity). I was raised in a fairly secular home by parents who are culturally Muslim. DH was "saved" at age 7, as were his siblings. His siblings are still very much into the church, but DH is obviously not since he married someone outside if his faith - me. ILs have been very nice and welcoming to me since about a year before our marriage (we dated for 6). Last night, DH's sister (age 40) was talking about how she wanted to meet a nice guy and was listing off the attributes that she deemed to be. "musts" for her future spouse (kind, loyal, etc). When she got to the end of her list, MIL asked in an astonished voice, "what about Christian?!" SIL answered, "well, of course." We're now 1 year into our marriage. Should this bother me or shield I just let it go? DH doesn't think it's a big deal.