Dh and I drove 6 hours to his parents' town today. They are divorced and consequently there are 2 of evetything for the holidays. Plan, as set by mil, was tgiving lunch at her house and tgiving dinner at his dad's. Dh calls to tell her we will be arriving in 20 min. She tells us to stop by Burger King for her to get her lunch, and to get something for ourselves too if we are hungry, bc she doesn't have food at her house.

My jaw dropped. Burger King. After we've been on the road for 6 hours. And it's thanksgiving.

Anonymous wrote:Sibling (my own and in laws) We are all grown, all have kids, but they never host! Every single holiday my husband and I are expected to wine and dine everyone. They will descend on the house, let their children smear stuff all over, But not A ONE ever EVER offers to host.
Next year, it's the Bahamas for this family. And no, we will not fed ex a turkey to your house.
It's not hard people, get a turkey, some wine and some paper plates. I'm not picky, I am just sick of doing it all myself and expected to be happy that you are taking advantage of me

Easier/cheaper solution than Bahamas is to stop inviting people over or letting them invite themselves over.

Sibling (my own and in laws) We are all grown, all have kids, but they never host! Every single holiday my husband and I are expected to wine and dine everyone. They will descend on the house, let their children smear stuff all over, But not A ONE ever EVER offers to host.
Next year, it's the Bahamas for this family. And no, we will not fed ex a turkey to your house.
It's not hard people, get a turkey, some wine and some paper plates. I'm not picky, I am just sick of doing it all myself and expected to be happy that you are taking advantage of me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL told my 7 year old she was proud of him for clearing the table. Then she turns to my 4 year old and states "I'll be proud of you some day." WTF? I don't expect him to be praised, but don't say things like that.

Oh my god, that's TERRIBLE. She couldn't have found another thing to be proud of? Like, I'm proud of you for eating your green beans?

Ha Ha! Or she could have a wicked dark humor like me. I often tell my kids that I love them "conditionally", unlike their dad! They are well adjusted and normal! Let it be and let it go.

You have finite number of Thanksgivings in your life with these people. Truly!

Anonymous wrote:My MIL told my 7 year old she was proud of him for clearing the table. Then she turns to my 4 year old and states "I'll be proud of you some day." WTF? I don't expect him to be praised, but don't say things like that.

Oh my god, that's TERRIBLE. She couldn't have found another thing to be proud of? Like, I'm proud of you for eating your green beans?

Anonymous wrote:My MIL told my 7 year old she was proud of him for clearing the table. Then she turns to my 4 year old and states "I'll be proud of you some day." WTF? I don't expect him to be praised, but don't say things like that.

Aww come on at least she's TRYING to be nice. There's MUCH WORSE out there.

I feel for you OP. Thankfully I don't have to deal with the in-laws today. DH and I have been planning this escape since last year. I like the idea of inviting friends over but my my in-laws have no manners at all.

My MIL told my 7 year old she was proud of him for clearing the table. Then she turns to my 4 year old and states "I'll be proud of you some day." WTF? I don't expect him to be praised, but don't say things like that.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

Stay in a hotel or AirBNB. Or better yet, stay home. If MIL asks, say "Well you complained so much about everything we decided to do you a favor."

Anonymous wrote:Padma Lukshmi recommends inviting non-family guests that people don't know as well to Thanksgiving so that one of two things happen:
1. People behave themselves and don't pick fights as much
2. People don't behave themselves but the new person provides for some new interactions/entertainment.

Excellent idea! Except that my family would never go for it - they want to fight in peace
(ha).

Padma Lukshmi recommends inviting non-family guests that people don't know as well to Thanksgiving so that one of two things happen:
1. People behave themselves and don't pick fights as much
2. People don't behave themselves but the new person provides for some new interactions/entertainment.

My in-laws are just really loud and I currently having a sick DH sleeping in and a baby taking her first nap and I will BEAT them if they wake either one up.

Do you go every year? Do you have to?

I know there are many of us plastering on smiles, and keeping back screams...
So, I'll start. We drove to ILs yesterday. The judgement started immediately. My 5 yr old didn't hug MIL. We ate shortly after arriving, and my children didn't eat all their dinner, nor did they ask to be excused. Well, they had a lot of snacks in the car, plus the beans were cooked to mush and slathered in butter so I wasn't going to force them to eat them. And we have never taught them to ask to be excused. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not raising them that way either. Of course they put their dishes at the sink and threw away their trash and said please and thank you. MIL went on her story about how she raised her children...
My kids also always wake up early - a little after 6 today. We went to the side of the home farthest from the bedrooms. I reminded them to keep their voices down and play quietly. I played with them and whenever they started to get noisey, I reminded them to keep it quiet. They were not loud. MIL comes out at 7 and makes several snide comments about how she wanted to sleep later but we were too noisey. And keeps telling them to be quiet because FIL was still sleeping. So I start getting them dressed to go outside and play - and I get "its so early and they haven't had breakfast!" I replied that I was taking them out so they would not wake FIL. Her response was that he was already awake when she came out. Ok, so what was with the need to whisper if he was already up?
Ugh. Not even one day in.