Could it be she doesn't want to bother your DH on his cell phone or at work, and she's calling the landline? If so, I would always throw in, I'll have him call you just as soon as he gets home. I don't like calling people on their cell phones. I know I'm old school but I like to have a proper conversation, not distracted talk with someone in the check-out line at Costco. Or maybe she senses his distance? In any case, keep fostering the contact btwn them. MIL may also know she'll get better updates from you. My DH is wrong about half the info he shares. My FIL is a pediatrician and when my husband calls him when our DC is sick, DH absent-mindedly gives all the wrong info, but then I look like an ass correcting him.

OP here. In case it's not clear I actually do draw the line, tell folks to call one another, etc. But I am many, many years in at this point and have realized there are certain behaviors I can manage but not change. I'm sure they all have intractable complaints about me too. And I haven't managed to find the point of zen to not let it bug me, thus the DCUM vent!

Yeah, I don't get it. My husband's family wants me to be the key point of contact and I don't know why. He's fully capable of holding a conversation and speaking his own mind.

I had to draw a firm line on this too. It was a battle at first with his family and him, but well worth it. I'm antisocial by nature though.

Gahhh I can so relate to this and it drives me nuts! My in-laws are very very nice and I like them but I don't want to be responsible for their happiness....I have enough other people to worry about. I don't know why men get out of this responsibility...I keep trying to push it back to my husband but when he won't pick up the ball I feel like I'm being cruel

I was really upfront with my husband about this at the beginning of the marriage when I became the social secretary in his mother's eyes: the primary responsibility for maintaining a relationship with his family is him- NOT me. I couldn't stand the "pass the phone to wife so we can talk about next weekend shit." It's 2014.

Anonymous wrote:Dear PPs: to be clear, I do all of those, on both fronts. But apparently both parties are resistant to training so the lesson doesn't seem to take.

Do you still share the info with your husband? For example, if MIL, says "Tell Larlo I said 'Happy Birthday,'" and you tell her to call him, do you still tell him afterwards that his mom wished him a happy birthday?

PP here. Meant to add, DH actually avoids his mother when she calls. I keep telling him to call her. I suppose it is easier for her to somehow blame me, instead - than to admit that her son thinks she is a total jerk. More than she knows. Or cares, unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL. I think she is a wonderful person. But it drives me bat sh*t crazy that I am the de facto point of contact. Sometimes I can at least see the societal norms driving it even if I don't agree. But the other day she wanted me to wish him a Happy Birthday for her.

Just call your son already!

/vent

If he's there, hand him the phone. If he's not, tell her you will. Don't let it drive you crazy. Marriage is a marathon so you need to just let these minor irritants go.

+1

Sounds like MIL likes to make things difficult, and tries to put DW in the middle of it!

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL. I think she is a wonderful person. But it drives me bat sh*t crazy that I am the de facto point of contact. Sometimes I can at least see the societal norms driving it even if I don't agree. But the other day she wanted me to wish him a Happy Birthday for her.

Just call your son already!

/vent

If he's there, hand him the phone. If he's not, tell her you will. Don't let it drive you crazy. Marriage is a marathon so you need to just let these minor irritants go.

I have the opposite...MIL and SIL only call DH on his cell phone. We get along fine in person adn when I call them, not sure why they don't seem to know our home #.

Dear PPs: to be clear, I do all of those, on both fronts. But apparently both parties are resistant to training so the lesson doesn't seem to take.

Your DH should call his mother, too. He shouldn't make her initiate all the contact.

"Here Marge, let me put him on so you can tell him yourself."

"Oh no. You can call him directly and share that with him yourself. You have a great day!"

I love my MIL. I think she is a wonderful person. But it drives me bat sh*t crazy that I am the de facto point of contact. Sometimes I can at least see the societal norms driving it even if I don't agree. But the other day she wanted me to wish him a Happy Birthday for her.

Just call your son already!

/vent