OP, do you feel like you SHOULD host given their request? Or have you already said no and are just venting about their rude request?

If you haven't said no, then do it. Don't offer to host another holiday or another year. Just say no.

All the above. Plus it's rude to ask someone else to host something.

I'm sorry, but having taken care of Bob and the kids by myself without much help for the last year, I'm a little burned out and don't really have the energy to host Thanksgiving. Maybe next year after I've recovered we can consider it.

OP here, DH has been bedridden for almost an year... the entire family lives within a 10 mile radius. Just offering emotional support would have been more than enough. The sad part is prior to my DH illness we used to offer a lot of support to the entire family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder if the parents are starting to help now because they realize your husband isn't going to be sick for just a couple of weeks. You mentioned it had been few months, maybe it finally kicked in with them. I still wouldn't host Thanksgiving.

I'm thinking the same. They probably didn't realize how sick he was. Still wouldn't host TG.

They did not care. My family is the same way.

Host Thanksgiving if you would enjoy doing it. If it's a burden and not something you would get joy out of -- skip it.

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder if the parents are starting to help now because they realize your husband isn't going to be sick for just a couple of weeks. You mentioned it had been few months, maybe it finally kicked in with them. I still wouldn't host Thanksgiving.

I'm thinking the same. They probably didn't realize how sick he was. Still wouldn't host TG.

So the are you MIL / FIL + a few siblings and their families?

Just say no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Oh, that sounds lovely, but with DH's recent illness and all that this has entailed, I'm afraid hosting is impossible for us this year. We are going to have a quiet holiday on our own."

This.

But given the additional information, I think you need to realize that your in laws were probably really busy with the downsize and moving so they might not have intentionally ignoring you.

+1. There may have been legitimate reasons for them being busier than usual. Maybe they're trying to make amends. Either way, I'd say Thanksgiving at your house does not work this year.

Anonymous wrote:"Oh, that sounds lovely, but with DH's recent illness and all that this has entailed, I'm afraid hosting is impossible for us this year. We are going to have a quiet holiday on our own."

Yep, that exactly.

Also, with the PP's note of grace about the work that downsizing entails...my ILs did that recently, and it was a huge job, and we offered them a few days worth of help. You both were going through hard times that warranted help from each other and couldn't provide it easily.

That said, don't host Thanksgiving.

I do wonder if the parents are starting to help now because they realize your husband isn't going to be sick for just a couple of weeks. You mentioned it had been few months, maybe it finally kicked in with them. I still wouldn't host Thanksgiving.

Anonymous wrote:"Oh, that sounds lovely, but with DH's recent illness and all that this has entailed, I'm afraid hosting is impossible for us this year. We are going to have a quiet holiday on our own."

I like it. I would probably be less polite than this.

Anonymous wrote:"Oh, that sounds lovely, but with DH's recent illness and all that this has entailed, I'm afraid hosting is impossible for us this year. We are going to have a quiet holiday on our own."

This.

But given the additional information, I think you need to realize that your in laws were probably really busy with the downsize and moving so they might not have intentionally ignoring you.

"Oh, that sounds lovely, but with DH's recent illness and all that this has entailed, I'm afraid hosting is impossible for us this year. We are going to have a quiet holiday on our own."

The family (please read my in-laws) have been MIA since my husband fell ill a few months ago. We got the usuals "if you guys need anything please let us know" but every time we reached out to them they were always "busy" or they had their own plans already. Once in a while they would call to ask if we could do cook out during the summer... We hosted a few but stopped since I was not getting any help and I was starting to burn out. Anyhow, a few weeks ago they all started reaching out. They have offered to cook and bring food, help with house chores, they have been calling DH to check how he is doing and wanting to stop by to see him etc. Coincidentally, my PIL sold their house and moved to an apartment a few weeks ago which means they can't hold 20 plus guests in their apartment . Last Sunday, my MIL pulled DH aside to ask if we could host thanksgiving since we have a house that can accommodate a big group. Of course my husband said we would discuss and get back to her. I am not sure how I feel about hosting grown ups who abandoned their own, only to start reaching out when they need us. WWYD?