Anonymous
11/10/2014 17:28
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Op here. My child has been watched extensively by the aunt. He is almost 1. Almost all the times the uncle was at work. I don't think anything happened and there have never been any outward signs of abuse.
The uncle is not around any other children (my child is the only one in the family). Doesn't mean he can't find one but there are none left in his care.
I have thanked the cousin profusely. I'm just so sick that this person is in our midst.
The uncle is not around any other children (my child is the only one in the family). Doesn't mean he can't find one but there are none left in his care.
I have thanked the cousin profusely. I'm just so sick that this person is in our midst.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 17:15
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Anonymous wrote:OP please encourage your cousin to speak to her parents. and no matter what pressure you get, DO NOT ever leave your kid alone, even for a minute with this man. The Aunt has her head in the sand. Be 100% supportive of your cousin for coming forward. She has likely been struggling with this for decades and is dealing with it just to spare your daughter.[/quote]
yes, wow, so brave of her. thank her profusely if you were too shocked to do it before.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 17:09
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
make sure you shame the uncle enough that he kills himself
Anonymous
11/10/2014 16:56
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
I'm so sorry OP. Unfortunately I do understand what you're going through because of similar issues with someone extremely close to my child. It's devastating and destroys your trust in people, when you discover that someone you trusted with your child is not who you thought they were. Find a good therapist. Support your cousin, and thank her profusely. She put herself out there, in a way she may not have wanted to, to protect your child.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 16:56
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
We had a similar experience in our family. As an adult, my brother revealed that he had been sexually abused by our uncle when he was a boy. It was easy for me to cut off ties with my uncle as we weren't close, didn't live in the same city, and I had also been sexually abused as a child by a different person so was extra repulsed by this revelation. Even still, I regret that I haven't supported my brother more in his decision to come forward by providing him with more emotional support. It has been very sad for my mother as my uncle is her only living relative in her immediate family and she clearly put her own son above her brother. My mother did warn our cousin who had young children at the time and still occassionally saw my uncle. My advice is to avoid all contact and to support the survivor as much as you can. It must have been very scary for her to come to you with this information to protect your children.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 16:31
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
OP please encourage your cousin to speak to her parents. and no matter what pressure you get, DO NOT ever leave your kid alone, even for a minute with this man. The Aunt has her head in the sand. Be 100% supportive of your cousin for coming forward. She has likely been struggling with this for decades and is dealing with it just to spare your daughter.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 16:22
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Anonymous wrote:Just dealing with some information we found out last night.
We had planned to take a trip away and leave our child in the care of DH's Aunt and Uncle who are very close to us. They are as involved as grandparents and live in our same city. We get a call last night from my cousin (who is the child of aunt and uncle). Saying that she wanted us to know before we left our child, that she was sexually abused by her father (Dh's uncle). The abuse took place from 2-10 years of age approximately. Aunt (mother of cousin) doesn't know. We believe cousin 100% because she has always been trustworthy and honest.
I'm just reeling. I'm so sad for cousin. and for DH who trusted these people. I know people always say that child abusers look like everyone else, but I still cant believe it. The uncle is the most charismatic guy in the world. Super successful personally and professionally - everyone likes him. And I'm just sick. It's an avalanche of feelings.
Obviously I cant/wont leave DC with aunt & uncle. Think we will bring him with us on our trip, which is disappointing because DH and I really needed this for a number of reasons. And it also changes the future of our relationship (can never leave DC with them etc). Aunt loves our kid and will be heartbroken because she was looking forward to this time with him, but she will have no idea why we really pulled out of the arrangement. And it's not our place to disclose.
Anyone been through something similar? or have any advice? Any good therapists in NOVA for this?
How old is your child and did you ever notice a change in demeanor or behavior? The first thing is be glad if your child has not been molested, 2nd thing is discuss this with DH who might have other issues from this discovery. Never have them in your home or go to their house. Meet her only for some shopping or a light lunch twice a year.
You would feel sicker if your immediate family was molested. Be glad you found out!
Anonymous
11/10/2014 16:14
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you believe your cousin. I was abused by an uncle who babysat me when I was a kid. My cousins's kids lived with him when they were young, and I never had the guys to tell anyone. Those girls are in their 20s now, and I still feelso guilty about it.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 16:10
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
If I may say, this uncle almost surely has abused and likely is still abusing many other children. Many. He's able to work under the guise of being a charismatic wonderful man and he will continue to do so until he dies, probably.
If you come to the conclusion that he needs to be outed, you might also want to reach out to every family he's had contact with... Those he abused have probably been locked in silence for a long, long, long time.
And don't expect much from social services or the police and other authorities. They're... you know, "too busy" to do their own investigation. And underfunded. They're underfunded.
If you come to the conclusion that he needs to be outed, you might also want to reach out to every family he's had contact with... Those he abused have probably been locked in silence for a long, long, long time.
And don't expect much from social services or the police and other authorities. They're... you know, "too busy" to do their own investigation. And underfunded. They're underfunded.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 15:54
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Sorry OP. Good for your cousin for telling you and protecting your child.
A few questions -
How old is your child?
When is the trip planned?
Have you left your child alone with Uncle before?
How old is the cousin/how long ago did it happen? Not that it changes anything, but am curious to know.
A few suggestions -
Offer to help cousin share this information with other relatives if she needs to. Be a support to her.
Like the idea of family counseling, maybe you could support her and they could share recommendations on how to best have the conversation(s) given everything involved, and of course, with the goal of healing and moving past the hurt that is bound to be released.
Perhaps consider postponing the trip that is one way to avoid any suspicion about pulling out, and would allow a bit more time. You could plan to send DC to grandparents maybe someone that else you know and trust?
Depending on the age of your child, if older you could say they really wanted to join and you re-evaluated everything and think you will take them along. It *might* send a flag to uncle if suspicios though.
This is very sad, and it is a lot to deal with. Hope you get constructive feedback here. Good luck.
A few questions -
How old is your child?
When is the trip planned?
Have you left your child alone with Uncle before?
How old is the cousin/how long ago did it happen? Not that it changes anything, but am curious to know.
A few suggestions -
Offer to help cousin share this information with other relatives if she needs to. Be a support to her.
Like the idea of family counseling, maybe you could support her and they could share recommendations on how to best have the conversation(s) given everything involved, and of course, with the goal of healing and moving past the hurt that is bound to be released.
Perhaps consider postponing the trip that is one way to avoid any suspicion about pulling out, and would allow a bit more time. You could plan to send DC to grandparents maybe someone that else you know and trust?
Depending on the age of your child, if older you could say they really wanted to join and you re-evaluated everything and think you will take them along. It *might* send a flag to uncle if suspicios though.
This is very sad, and it is a lot to deal with. Hope you get constructive feedback here. Good luck.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 15:48
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Sending you support OP. This situation is a lot to digest. It's so sad for all involved. I hope DH's cousin has been able to have a normal life despite experiencing what she experienced. There is a special place in hell for monsters who abuse and violate children.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 15:39
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Anonymous wrote:Just dealing with some information we found out last night.
We had planned to take a trip away and leave our child in the care of DH's Aunt and Uncle who are very close to us. They are as involved as grandparents and live in our same city. We get a call last night from my cousin (who is the child of aunt and uncle). Saying that she wanted us to know before we left our child, that she was sexually abused by her father (Dh's uncle). The abuse took place from 2-10 years of age approximately. Aunt (mother of cousin) doesn't know. We believe cousin 100% because she has always been trustworthy and honest.
I'm just reeling. I'm so sad for cousin. and for DH who trusted these people. I know people always say that child abusers look like everyone else, but I still cant believe it. The uncle is the most charismatic guy in the world. Super successful personally and professionally - everyone likes him. And I'm just sick. It's an avalanche of feelings.
Obviously I cant/wont leave DC with aunt & uncle. Think we will bring him with us on our trip, which is disappointing because DH and I really needed this for a number of reasons. And it also changes the future of our relationship (can never leave DC with them etc). Aunt loves our kid and will be heartbroken because she was looking forward to this time with him, but she will have no idea why we really pulled out of the arrangement. And it's not our place to disclose.
Anyone been through something similar? or have any advice? Any good therapists in NOVA for this?
No advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry. This sounds devastating. Not to be insensitive, but have you ever left your child in their care before?
Anonymous
11/10/2014 15:39
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
I'm so sorry.
I'm glad that you believe cousin though.
I'm glad that you believe cousin though.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 15:38
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
I'm so sorry OP - this is a lot to handle.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 15:31
Subject: Found out that close family member is a child (sex) abuser.
Just dealing with some information we found out last night.
We had planned to take a trip away and leave our child in the care of DH's Aunt and Uncle who are very close to us. They are as involved as grandparents and live in our same city. We get a call last night from my cousin (who is the child of aunt and uncle). Saying that she wanted us to know before we left our child, that she was sexually abused by her father (Dh's uncle). The abuse took place from 2-10 years of age approximately. Aunt (mother of cousin) doesn't know. We believe cousin 100% because she has always been trustworthy and honest.
I'm just reeling. I'm so sad for cousin. and for DH who trusted these people. I know people always say that child abusers look like everyone else, but I still cant believe it. The uncle is the most charismatic guy in the world. Super successful personally and professionally - everyone likes him. And I'm just sick. It's an avalanche of feelings.
Obviously I cant/wont leave DC with aunt & uncle. Think we will bring him with us on our trip, which is disappointing because DH and I really needed this for a number of reasons. And it also changes the future of our relationship (can never leave DC with them etc). Aunt loves our kid and will be heartbroken because she was looking forward to this time with him, but she will have no idea why we really pulled out of the arrangement. And it's not our place to disclose.
Anyone been through something similar? or have any advice? Any good therapists in NOVA for this?
We had planned to take a trip away and leave our child in the care of DH's Aunt and Uncle who are very close to us. They are as involved as grandparents and live in our same city. We get a call last night from my cousin (who is the child of aunt and uncle). Saying that she wanted us to know before we left our child, that she was sexually abused by her father (Dh's uncle). The abuse took place from 2-10 years of age approximately. Aunt (mother of cousin) doesn't know. We believe cousin 100% because she has always been trustworthy and honest.
I'm just reeling. I'm so sad for cousin. and for DH who trusted these people. I know people always say that child abusers look like everyone else, but I still cant believe it. The uncle is the most charismatic guy in the world. Super successful personally and professionally - everyone likes him. And I'm just sick. It's an avalanche of feelings.
Obviously I cant/wont leave DC with aunt & uncle. Think we will bring him with us on our trip, which is disappointing because DH and I really needed this for a number of reasons. And it also changes the future of our relationship (can never leave DC with them etc). Aunt loves our kid and will be heartbroken because she was looking forward to this time with him, but she will have no idea why we really pulled out of the arrangement. And it's not our place to disclose.
Anyone been through something similar? or have any advice? Any good therapists in NOVA for this?