OP again. We have asked other people to join us, in order to deflect the relatives' odd insults. We also fully intend to lock doors, which we don't normally have to do.

If it is a remark such as "wow you house sure is (anything most people would take as a jab or insult)" - it would be the last time they step foot in my house. I think in reality, they just want to get their two cents in, they are that kind of people.

Same goes for "wow, is this or that new?" "how much did you pay for that" or my favorite (about everything and anything, not just one or two things): "where did you get that?" (asked in order to gauge cost.

OP here. This is the kind of BS I have to deal with, when I am trying to play nice. UGH.

What do they say? "Your house sure is dirty/small/dark/outdated," or something positive like "Your house is sure large/beautiful/up-to-date?" By giving us the descriptor they used, it would help us to respond to your post appropriately.

PP 13:16 again. The other thing that I have said in response to a distasteful behavior, comment, etc. is:

"That's inappropriate."

Just one sentence, don't explain anything about WHY it is inappropriate. You can say it sweetly, with a smile, or stern with a straight face. One of those three things usually help me, over time they don't give as much grief. Though I still don't like being around them all the time because I know how they are.

I have those relatives. I've already committed to hosting them this year, but unless they're on their best behavior, this will be the last year. We'll find new family traditions that we'll actually enjoy.

OP, I have jealous relatives. When they make snide remarks. I just ignore them. It is blatantly obvious that I notice it and don't respond. It makes them uncomfortable and it stops. Or, sometimes, I will say something very direct addressing their inappropriate behavior like, "Wow, are you trying to hurt my feelings?" Then they start backpedaling and are at least cognizant of how rude/disrespectful they are being.

Usually, directly addressing the behavior of someone being inappropriate stops the behavior. It is uncomfortable to do if you are not a confrontational type, but you only need to do it a few times before people get the picture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are they jealous of if you don't have a nice home?

+1

OP again. I really do not know if they consider it nice, but my focus has turned to you asking my "worth". Interesting. Is it to say they are as judgy as you?

If we have little or no personal connection, do we somehow owe them? How, I wonder? This should be even more interesting.....

Anonymous wrote:What are they jealous of if you don't have a nice home?

+1

I think you're supposed to say "This is what works best for our family." haha!

You say you're not close--so are these people a distant aunt/uncle or cousin, or are they a parent/in-law?

I would think that if you're not that close then you're not obligated to invite them, and just make it known to everyone that the reason is you don't have enough room in your home to host that many people.

OP here. I don't know whether my home is "nice", or "not". I do not live to meet others' standards. They are the type of people to comment, just to get a reaction, so I reasonably presume it is jealousy.

We are not very close to them. To have them over, and try to have a peaceful visit (for example), while they are making snide remarks - is very difficult. Is there a way to distract/deflect/diffuse the situation that we did not ask for?

I mean, other than cutting them out of our lives completely.....

Don't host. I despise serving rude people a meal at my home.

What are they jealous of if you don't have a nice home?

...and it is your turn to host the holidays....how do you shut down obnoxious/inappropriate comments? i.e.: "you're house sure is (not up to their standards)" - for example