Anonymous
11/10/2014 22:58
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
People are what they do.
Never pass up an opportunity to be kind.
You have far less time than you think
Kiss your partner like you mean it.
Never pass up an opportunity to be kind.
You have far less time than you think
Kiss your partner like you mean it.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 21:09
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
Secrets are poison. No matter how bad you think it will be if you are truthful, it will be WAY worse if you hide it.
Because it always comes out later.
Because it always comes out later.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 21:00
Subject: Re:Lessons You've Learned
You can waste a lot of time by deluding yourself. You may not like the facts, but you have to accept them and act on them, rather than your wishes and desires.
Also, sometimes it is YOU and YOUR FAULT. YOU are not perfect, either.
Also, sometimes it is YOU and YOUR FAULT. YOU are not perfect, either.
Anonymous
11/10/2014 20:11
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
Never boast. Over the years you'll inspire jealousy, even from good friends.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 22:56
Subject: Re:Lessons You've Learned
Don't marry a douchy asshole.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 20:51
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
+1Anonymous wrote:I learned to trust my guts, to listen to my inner voice, and to follow my intuition. This applies to everything in life!
Anonymous
11/09/2014 20:17
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
I learned to trust my guts, to listen to my inner voice, and to follow my intuition. This applies to everything in life!
Anonymous
11/09/2014 19:54
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
Anonymous wrote:16:22 and 16:32 really gave me an emotional reaction there. I've just broken up with a boyfriend I was deeply, deeply in love with because I thought I could change him, and he just remained the selfish asshole I always knew he was : /
Lessons I've learned from this past relationship:
- Don't listen to their words, watch their actions. Actions really do speak louder than words.
- YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. PERIOD.
- Appearances can be more deceiving than you could ever imagine. I really see people so much more differently now. Just because someone seems to have their act together on the surface, DOES not mean it really is together. Also? Their own closest friends might not know this. Everything is an illusion.
- Show your vulnerability. Be open and bare your heart even after you've been hurt. It will endear you to others and make it easier for you to find new friends and new loves, because you are being the real you. Having your guard up is not attractive and ultimately doesn't really protect you either.
+1. Yes! Vulnerability is strength.
Forgive yourself. We all choose a bad friend or relationship, make a mistake that could cause pain to someone we love at some point. Guilt is a useless emotion. Move forward and choose more wisely next time.
Trust your gut feeling. I have learned to stop looking for tangible evidence as justification for distancing myself from someone.
Show (sincere) appreciation. Everyone loves it.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 18:49
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
If you have to play games, the situation is not worth it.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 16:48
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
16:22 and 16:32 really gave me an emotional reaction there. I've just broken up with a boyfriend I was deeply, deeply in love with because I thought I could change him, and he just remained the selfish asshole I always knew he was : /
Lessons I've learned from this past relationship:
- Don't listen to their words, watch their actions. Actions really do speak louder than words.
- YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. PERIOD.
- Appearances can be more deceiving than you could ever imagine. I really see people so much more differently now. Just because someone seems to have their act together on the surface, DOES not mean it really is together. Also? Their own closest friends might not know this. Everything is an illusion.
- Show your vulnerability. Be open and bare your heart even after you've been hurt. It will endear you to others and make it easier for you to find new friends and new loves, because you are being the real you. Having your guard up is not attractive and ultimately doesn't really protect you either.
Lessons I've learned from this past relationship:
- Don't listen to their words, watch their actions. Actions really do speak louder than words.
- YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. PERIOD.
- Appearances can be more deceiving than you could ever imagine. I really see people so much more differently now. Just because someone seems to have their act together on the surface, DOES not mean it really is together. Also? Their own closest friends might not know this. Everything is an illusion.
- Show your vulnerability. Be open and bare your heart even after you've been hurt. It will endear you to others and make it easier for you to find new friends and new loves, because you are being the real you. Having your guard up is not attractive and ultimately doesn't really protect you either.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 16:32
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
The only person you can ever change is yourself.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 16:31
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
Anonymous wrote:Things I've learned:
1. Fight fair- most important thing I learned in marriage.
2. Don't believe the image people put out of their lives- people very carefully craft their image now thanks to Facebook etc. and no one has it that much better than you do!
3. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Yes, these 3 for me as well, especially number 1. I feel very fortunate that this was modeled for me by my parents.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 16:29
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
If someone tells you they are trouble, do not be the "good" person who is going to make them better.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 16:22
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
Things I've learned:
1. Fight fair- most important thing I learned in marriage.
2. Don't believe the image people put out of their lives- people very carefully craft their image now thanks to Facebook etc. and no one has it that much better than you do!
3. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
1. Fight fair- most important thing I learned in marriage.
2. Don't believe the image people put out of their lives- people very carefully craft their image now thanks to Facebook etc. and no one has it that much better than you do!
3. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Anonymous
11/09/2014 16:18
Subject: Lessons You've Learned
...about all human relationships (especially friendships and romantic relationships). Share them here! I find reading DCUM very useful and a lot of people here have interesting stories and insights to share. It makes dealing with all the bitter trolls worth it. 
I'll start:
1. Nobody is as open-minded as they seem. Seriously, if someone tells you, "Oh, I'm SO open-minded and accepting!" take it with a big, fat grain of salt. The fact is that they are going to judge, and the amount by which they judge will depend on their general level of insecurity. But in my experience, everyone will judge you on everything. It's not because people are evil, but because they are insecure and don't accept themselves. If you judge yourself harshly, you will judge others harshly. And that is what 99% of humanity does.
2. Constantly re-assert your self-respect and your rights. Because those closest to you will always push and test those boundaries. It's not because they're malicious or they don't like you, but they subconsciously shit test you to see how far they can go. I don't know why everyone does this, but...to some degree or another, everyone does this at some point in friendships or romances, even parent-child relationships. You always have to be vigilant about protecting your personal boundaries and your self-respect, because nobody else will do that for you.
3. Don't hide from your friends when things are going badly. It's extremely common, when we are having a bad time, to slowly withdraw from our social circles or our loved ones. But this is a mistake. Not only do you deprive yourself of having a fun life, but you're also sending confusing signals to other people. They might well think that you've decided you're too cool for them and drop you. Nobody will like it if you come running back to them when you're back on your feet again and suddenly want to resume the friendship.
4. Don't share your deepest secrets unless a friend or lover has proven themselves REPEATEDLY. This one is very important. All good friends and good lovers have potential to become exes. You don't want an enemy to walk away with your deepest secrets and knowledge of your inner life. Only share that after someone has repeatedly, over the course of at least a couple years, proven themselves worthy of trust.
That's all I've got!
I'll start:
1. Nobody is as open-minded as they seem. Seriously, if someone tells you, "Oh, I'm SO open-minded and accepting!" take it with a big, fat grain of salt. The fact is that they are going to judge, and the amount by which they judge will depend on their general level of insecurity. But in my experience, everyone will judge you on everything. It's not because people are evil, but because they are insecure and don't accept themselves. If you judge yourself harshly, you will judge others harshly. And that is what 99% of humanity does.
2. Constantly re-assert your self-respect and your rights. Because those closest to you will always push and test those boundaries. It's not because they're malicious or they don't like you, but they subconsciously shit test you to see how far they can go. I don't know why everyone does this, but...to some degree or another, everyone does this at some point in friendships or romances, even parent-child relationships. You always have to be vigilant about protecting your personal boundaries and your self-respect, because nobody else will do that for you.
3. Don't hide from your friends when things are going badly. It's extremely common, when we are having a bad time, to slowly withdraw from our social circles or our loved ones. But this is a mistake. Not only do you deprive yourself of having a fun life, but you're also sending confusing signals to other people. They might well think that you've decided you're too cool for them and drop you. Nobody will like it if you come running back to them when you're back on your feet again and suddenly want to resume the friendship.
4. Don't share your deepest secrets unless a friend or lover has proven themselves REPEATEDLY. This one is very important. All good friends and good lovers have potential to become exes. You don't want an enemy to walk away with your deepest secrets and knowledge of your inner life. Only share that after someone has repeatedly, over the course of at least a couple years, proven themselves worthy of trust.
That's all I've got!