OP - Live your own life, but keep up a relationship with your niece as you can. If you have any extra money, get her things that she might not have from her shiftless Mom such as a warm winter coat or sneakers for school. If you have the time, invite her out for a days outing that will give her an experience she might not otherwise get - doesn't need to be expensive - hiking, renting/borrowing bikes etc. Even an overnight every so often with a stable relative could be a real lifeline to her in the future. Talk to her about how she is doing in school, encourage her and give her ideas about a future unlike her Mom is able to. BUT it is important not to undercut her Mom. Your sister needs a job - any job to start getting back her life, but until she realizes this no one can help her.

OP, so frustrating! My sister is about the same. I am sorry this is happening -- I know how awkward it is. And difficult b/c you have your own financial needs also.

Maintain a good relationship with your niece. Take her out to lunch, encourage her to do well in school, be a good role model. Your sister sounds like a lost cause, she is an adult and will have to get her own life together. But take an active role in her daughters life and show her what it means to be a stable, productive member of society.

Maybe buy your sister a bus pass so she can get to a retail job.

My brother is a wreck, too. I focus on helping the kids when I can, not him.

You don't do anything.

She is almost 40. That's plenty old enough to figure things out. If you don't give her a ride somewhere, she will find another way to get there. If she doesn't, she didn't really want to go.

Anonymous wrote:I love my sister, but she is a mess right now...

She got married a few years ago. She is still married but they aren't together. She doesn't even know what state he lives in. She says she needs $1500 for a divorce. Now she is in a bad relationship with a verbally abusive jerk. He never helps her out financially or in any other way. Her and my niece have been living there for a couple years. (Niece is not from guy she married). My sister hasn't had a job in eight years. She went to school for a couple years but decided she didn't want to do that anymore. Now she wants to go to some other school that has a 6 month program. But she doesn't have the $100 to register. The other day her car broke down. So now she has no car. Jerk bf won't let her drive his vehicle. She won't move in with our dad because she says she doesn't want to keep moving her daughter around. I am able to help her out sometimes with rides but I am not able to every day. I just feel exhausted and frustrated with her. Idk what to do to help her. It's just bad thing after bad thing and excuses about trying to find a job. (Says she turns resumes in every day). She is almost 40 and I just don't know what to do anymore. I wonder is she is depressed. She calls me crying a lot. I am not in a position to help much finically.

Any thoughts or advice?

You don't have the money, so helping her with money is a non-issue. You can listen. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you know it sucks, but you know that she will find a way to get through this. Encourage her to seek out community resources that will help her get her stuff together. When she gets to be too much, turn off your cell phone and take some time for you.

I don't think you can help her unless you plan to bank roll her life forever. No job for 8 yrs wow how does she afford anything with no money. And he is jobless also that sounds like 2 people who need to suck it up and get a job at Taco Bell they seem to always be hiring.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

He is a jerk because he is just a jerk. He is rude to everyone. I didn't mean he is a jerk because he won't help her. He doesn't have a job either.

Defiantly not a troll post. Not sure why you would think that?

But thanks for answering anyway.

I'm just at a loss when it comes to helping her get out of her mess.

She shouldn't have to hard of a time getting seasonal work.

PP here. Hit submit too soon.

If your sister can't afford to pay $100 to enroll in the program then she needs to get a job, any job.

I'm not sure if this is a troll post so I'm not going to post anymore.

Your sister is a mess. She needs a job. She needs a lawyer. She needs to move back in with your father. It is more damaging for your niece to be around random men as her mother works her way through them.

Her boyfriend is not a jerk for the reasons you listed. Why should a bf be giving her money? Why can't she get a job? Why does she need to borrow his car if she doesn't even have a job to go to? Why is it a man's responsibility to give her money and a car? I'm a female by the way.

I love my sister, but she is a mess right now...

She got married a few years ago. She is still married but they aren't together. She doesn't even know what state he lives in. She says she needs $1500 for a divorce. Now she is in a bad relationship with a verbally abusive jerk. He never helps her out financially or in any other way. Her and my niece have been living there for a couple years. (Niece is not from guy she married). My sister hasn't had a job in eight years. She went to school for a couple years but decided she didn't want to do that anymore. Now she wants to go to some other school that has a 6 month program. But she doesn't have the $100 to register. The other day her car broke down. So now she has no car. Jerk bf won't let her drive his vehicle. She won't move in with our dad because she says she doesn't want to keep moving her daughter around. I am able to help her out sometimes with rides but I am not able to every day. I just feel exhausted and frustrated with her. Idk what to do to help her. It's just bad thing after bad thing and excuses about trying to find a job. (Says she turns resumes in every day). She is almost 40 and I just don't know what to do anymore. I wonder is she is depressed. She calls me crying a lot. I am not in a position to help much finically.

Any thoughts or advice?